Going Up? Going Down?

The following video turned up in my YouTube queue despite the fact that it was shot over 26 years ago.. Apparently, some knucklehead working for Business Week in NY was working late on a Friday and went downstairs for a cigarette break. On his way back, the elevator gets stuck between floors. And he winds up there for practically two days.

The surveillance cameras capture it all. Amazingly, the maintenance staff in this building is clearly working on the other three elevator banks. But, not the one this guy is jammed in. You watch as he calls for help. Nothing. He climbs up and tries to get out the top. Several times. He opens the door and then closes it several times. He naps frequently in a fetal position. At one point, he needs to pee and does so. Right down the elevator shaft. Miraculously, after 40 hours, they finally find the dude. And then, at last, the "out of order" sign is placed outside the elevator.

I can sympathize with this guy. Been there, done that. Twice.

The first time I took up temporary residence in an elevator was years ago when I was at Fordham and working at the school radio station. I was set to be one of the co-anchors for the 530PM newscast and decided to get a pre-broadcast soda at the vending machine downstairs. Why anybody took that elevator was beyond me? The thing had been built long before Martin Luther had posted his 95 theses. And the whole mechanism was nothing but two pieces of plywood and some old chewing gum. So, it should have been no surprise that, on the way back upstairs, I got jammed all by myself. In the black darkness of Keating Hall. With a bunch of good friends about twenty feet above me---laughing their ass off. Of course, there is never any comfort when you press the red "HELP" button. First of all, whoever is on duty takes forever to answer. And, then, when they do...

"Si?"

I never did get to the newscast. I was stuck in that motorized casket for either two hours or six days. And I insisted that those hyenas/friends buy me dinner.

Eons later, it was a little scarier. It was my office building in Los Angeles---a first class run operation. Except I was going into work at 6AM on a very hot Monday morning when the air conditioning had been turned off for the weekend. Something didn't feel right as I was propelled, once again alone, to the twelfth floor. As we arrived at the top of the elevator bank, the door never opened. Of course, the red "HELP" button was useless at this early hour. The overnight staff was probably still in their seventh or eighth dream of the night. So, I just held my finger on the buzzer until....

"Si?"

I was assured that help was on the way. The janitor was due into work in about 90 minutes. Meanwhile, I could feel freedom coolly blowing in through the crack in the door. So, I pried open the door by myself and groped for a lever that opened the outer door. By myself. The elevator was about four feet off the floor, which became a quick jump and roll for me.

I have no idea when they figured out that I had gotten out of the elevator by myself. But, my two elevator experiences clearly proved one thing to me.

The quickest way to find the dumbest Hispanic in the world is by getting stuck in an elevator.

And, hopefully, that clown from Business Week also extracted one more lesson from his ordeal.

Don't smoke.

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

This Date in History - April 15

 

It's April 15.   If you've done your taxes, feel free to read on.  If not, stop wasting time on this blog and get cracking.  

769:  THE LATERAN COUNCIL CONDEMNED THE COUNCIL OF HIERIA AND ANATHEMATIZED ITS ICONOCLASTIC RULINGS.

I have no idea what I just typed.

1450:  TOWARD THE END OF THE HUNDRED YEARS' WAR, THE FRENCH ATTACK AND NEARLY ANNIHILATE ENGLISH FORCES, ENDING ENGLISH DOMINATION IN NORTHERN FRANCE.

Hard to believe that the French could put up a strong fight for anything.

1452:  PAINTER LEONARDO DA VINCI IS BORN.

Hey, Lenny, come on down from the ladder.  We've decided to wallpaper.

1638:  TOKUGAWA SHOGUNATE FORCES PUT DOWN THE SHIMABARA REBELLION WHEN THEY RETAKE HARA CASTLE FROM THE REBELS.

What about the local White Castle?

1715:  THE POCOTALIGO MASSACRE TRIGGERS THE START OF THE YAMASEE WAR IN COLONIAL SOUTH CAROLINA.

Yamasee, Go Home.

1755:  SAMUEL JOHNSON'S DICTIONARY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS PUBLISHED IN LONDON.

When it was actually chic to speak English.

1783:  PRELIMINARY ARTICLES OF PEACE ENDING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION ARE RATIFIED.

Also written in English.   The good old days.

1802:  WILLIAM WORDSWORTH AND HIS SISTER DOROTHY SEE A LONG BELT OF DAFFODILS, INSPIRING THE FORMER TO PEN "I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD."

In 2020, he could save all his poetry on the Cloud.

1861:  PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN CALLS FOR 75,000 VOLUNTEERS TO QUELL THE INSURRECTION THAT WOULD BECOME THE CIVIL WAR.

75,000....or essentially the paid attendance to one month's worth of Met games at Citi Field.

1865:  PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIES AFTER BEING SHOT THE PREVIOUS EVENING BY JOHN WILKES BOOTH.

That's the last time I'm going to order those box seats.

1892:  THE GENERAL ELECTRIC COMPANY IS FORMED.

That's a bright idea.

1896:  CLOSING CEREMONY OF THE GAMES OF THE FIRST OLYMPIAD IN GREECE.

Well, they had to start some time.

1912:  THE RMS TITANIC SINKS TWO HOURS AND FORTY MINUTES AFTER HITTING AN ICEBERG.  ONLY 710 ON BOARD SURVIVE.

What iceberg?

1917: ACTOR HANS CONRIED DIES

Uncle Tonoose!

1920:  TWO SECURITY GUARDS ARE MURDERED DURING A MASSACHUSETTS ROBBERY.  ANARCHISTS SACCO AND VANZETTI WOULD BE CONVICTED AND EXECUTED FOR THE CRIME.

If they lived today, they'd have a show on MSNBC.

1923:  INSULIN BECOMES GENERALLY AVAILABLE FOR USE BY PEOPLE WITH DIABETES.

Wow, that drug's been around a long time.

1924:  RAND MCNALLY PUBLISHES HIS FIRST ROAD ATLAS.

Way to go.   Or...maybe...there's another way to go.

1927:  THE GREAT MISSISSIPPI FLOOD, THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE RIVER FLOOD IN US HISTORY, BEGINS.

That's why my ankles are wet.

1936:  AER LINGUS IS FOUNDED BY THE IRISH GOVERNMENT AS THE NATIONAL AIRLINE REPUBLIC OF IRELAND.  

O'fly me.

1945:  THE BERGEN-BELSEN CONCENTRATION CAMP IS LIBERATED.

Whoa!  What happened here???!!!

1947:  JACKIE ROBINSON DEBUTS FOR THE BROOKLYN DODGERS, BREAKING BASEBALL'S COLOR LINE.

And all of MLB wears 42 today.

1955:  THE FIRST MCDONALD'S RESTAURANT OPENS IN DES PLAINES, ILLINOIS.

One Served.

1964:  THE FIRST FORD MUSTANG ROLLS OFF THE SHOW ROOM FLOOR, TWO DAYS BEFORE IT IS SET TO GO ON SALE.

And immediately depreciates in resale price.

1980:  ACTOR RAYMOND BAILEY DIES.

Milburn Drysdale!

1980:  WRITER JEAN-PAUL SARTRE DIES.

Existentialism kills.

1982:  ACTOR SETH ROGEN IS BORN.

You miserable, talentless piece of shit.

1989:  A HUMAN CRASH OCCURS AT A SOCCER MATCH IN LIVERPOOL.  96 FANS WERE KILLED.

What's the over/under on how many of them were drunk?

1990:  ACTRESS GRETA GARBO DIES.

You want to be alone?   Wish granted.

2001:  SINGER JOEY RAMONE DIES.

You're more than sedated now.

2018:  ACTOR R. LEE ERMEY DIES.

That creepy sergeant from "Full Metal Jacket."

2019:  THE CATHEDRAL OF NOTRE DAME IN PARIS IS SEVERELY DAMAGED BY FIRE.

Is there such a thing as "Catholic lightning?"

2025:  TV GAME SHOW HOST WINK MARTINDALE DIES.

And the lovely consolation prize is...

Dinner last night:   The pre-game buffet at the Dodger Stadium Club.

Len's Recipe of the Month - April 2026

 

Well, not so much a recipe but a cooking epiphany.   I am here to discuss the great and sundried uses of an air fryer.  Look at the fingerprint marks on the touch screen.   Obviously, it's getting a lot of use.

It was, at the time, an emotional purchase tied into one of those Amazon Prime days.   Did I need another gadget taking up counter space in the kitchen?  No.   But I heard it cooked up some dynamite frozen onion rings so I was in.

And, for the longest time, it did collect dust.  Yes, the onion rings were amazing but could it do anything else?  A little on-line research and I was suddenly an air frying fool.

Ninety percent of the recipes for anything are the same.  Air fry for 10-12 minutes at 400 degrees.   So what did I try with great success?

A medium rare burger.   Delish.

Searing Italian sausages for use in a SPO recipe.  Perfect.

A medium rare ribeye steak.   Amazing.

Chicken tenders in orange sauce.   Ideal.

Korean chicken thighs.   On point.

The standard French fries and onion rings.   Crispy.

Grilled cheese sandwich with bacon.   Gooey but good.

BBQ Baby Back ribs.   See the photo below.

Actually any frozen meal entree.   You're lazy but eating within ten minutes.

Do the research.   You can make almost anything in this damn thing in a fraction of the usual time.

Try it.  You'll like it.

Dinner last night:  Leftover ribs.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - April 13, 2026

 There's nothing like live TV.

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Weekend Tubing It

 

Yeah, this is one of those crazy quirks of life.  A Sunday blog piece devoted to Saturday.

Back when I was a kid, Saturday morning television was a big deal.   One cartoon show morphing into the next.  From Crusader Rabbit to Bugs and Daffy to the Beatles.  You might have topped it off around noon time with a rerun episode of Sky King, which was wisely sponsored by Nabisco---the cookie maker that thrived on the moppets that were watching.

The only problem is that I was usually occupied on Saturday mornings.  Accompanying my dad on the weekend morning errands.  From dry cleaner to delicatessen to bakery to gas station.  If I was lucky, I was home for Sky King and his plane, the Songbird.  But, most of the time, all that TV was a washout for me.

I really didn't care.

For me, the really, really good stuff was on Saturday afternoons.

This is back in the New York day when you didn't have a lot of choices.  Three network channels plus three independent stations that pretty much existed on buying ancient sitcom reruns and old movies from the 30s and 40s.  

As it turns out, it was the latter that intrigued me most.

After lunch and my chores upstairs were done, I'd race downstairs because this was quality TV time with my grandmother.  The independent stations like Channel 11 WPIX, Channel 9 WOR, and Channel 5 WNEW Metromedia dusted off some junk that was gold to Grandma and me.  They umbrella-ed it all under themes and we loved it all.  From October to March, that's where you would find me.  With her in front of her Philco TV.  If it was cold and rainy outside, it was even warmer with that black-and-white glow.

Of course, there was one particular snack I needed for this every Saturday.  I'd first dash around the corner to Charlie's Delicatessen and pick up my Saturday afternoon TV accompaniment.

Two Slim Jims.  I'd savor them bite-by-bite.  Slowly so they would last through one or two of the old movies that would hold me captive.

Obviously, WJBK-TV in Detroit did the same thing that WNEW-TV in New York did.  Charlie Chan Theater and we loved it.  The opening slide for it was totally inappropriate.   Chinese music with a caricature of Chan drawn with slanted lines.  We'd try to solve the mystery along with Charlie and Number One Son. 

Of course, there were several different actors playing Charlie Chan and none of them were Asian.  The best was this Swedish actor named Warner Oland.  He was our favorite.  Of course, just as she would do while watching her beloved wrestling, Grandma would shout warnings to the TV when Charlie or Number One Son got too close to some danger.

"Watch out, Charlie.  Somebody is hiding in that closet."

They must have heard her because the killer always got caught in the nick of time.  

Another big favorite for us on Saturday afternoons was the Tarzan movies with Johnny Weissmuller.  Indeed, as I have recently re-watched all of them, every single film has the same plot as the last.

White hunters come on safari looking for ivory in the elephant burial grounds.  They are led by a pack of good natives.

They meet Tarzan, Jane, and Boy.

One of the hunters plays with a lion cub.  The mother attacks him.  Tarzan comes to the rescue.

Invariably, there's a moment where Olympic champion Weissmuller needed to show off his talents.

"Jane, swim."

And they would cavort for a couple of minutes in the MGM water tank that later housed Esther Williams.

At another point, everybody is on a jungle river raft which capsizes.  Alligators and crocodiles attack.  Tarzan wrestles one underwater.

Jane and Boy are captured, along with the rest of the safari team, by a pack of bad natives.  Cheetah the chimp runs to get Tarzan, who does his yell.  Dozens of elephants show up to trample the bad natives.

The end.

None of them ever differed from this cinematic template.   We didn't care.  I munched on my second Slim Jim.  And Grandma coached from her chair.

"Hurry up, Cheetah.  Go get Tarzan."

Seriously.  

Cheetah, of course, was the scene stealer and, as the series moved on, the chimp became more and more human until it was laughing at people like your drunken father-in-law at the Thanksgiving table.

We could never get enough of Laurel and Hardy.  While I loved every single two-reeler that got unspooled on Saturday afternoons, my grandmother was waiting patiently for one particular short.

She had told me for years of an experience she had back in the Bronx of the 20s.  There was what she called an open air movie theater.  Indeed, she often called this as the very last time she had actually gone out to the movies.  Well, it was a Laurel and Hardy adventure running that time.  Grandma talked about it on numerous occasions.  

"It was a silent picture.  Laurel and Hardy were selling Christmas trees.  And it was the funniest thing I ever saw."

I heard that quotation over and over for years.  And, every Saturday afternoon when it was time for Stan and Ollie, Grandma would hope that they would show the short she remembered from decades before.

Because it was a silent film, they never did.  And, every Saturday afternoon, my grandmother would be disappointed.

I have since done my research and seen the short that she so anxiously waited for.   It's called "Big Business" and it is a laugh riot.  It's too bad I never got to watch it with her.

As the Saturday afternoon moved on, Grandma would leave the living room to start her dinner, which she would, of course, enjoy at no later than 4:30PM.  It was just as well because that's usually when one of the many Andy Hardy chapters would air.  They all started with the portrait you see above.   The very sight of it propelled my grandmother to her stove.

"Mickey Rooney.  Shrimp."

I, however, loved them all.  It was this idyllic life that nobody enjoyed any more.  When a kid could get into some sort of trouble and it would all be solved by your father taking you into the den for a heart-to-heart talk.

This never happened in my house.  For starters, we didn't have a den.

Nevertheless, the plots of all these Andy Hardy movies were as predictable and innocuous as the last.  

Andy gets into trouble.  

He falls for a girl. 

He ignores the one next door, usually played by Judy Garland.

Judy would moon over Andy with one or two songs.

The other girl dumps Andy.

Judge Hardy, in the aforementioned den, tells Andy all about life's travails.

Andy goes off to the malt shop to join neighbor Judy for an egg cream.

The end.

Maybe that was the attraction I had for all this Saturday afternoon TV.  It was film history, yes.  But, it was all as comfortable as macaroni and cheese and your favorite slippers.  Indeed, I probably only followed this routine for two or three years.   But the memories linger to this day.

Luckily, you can still watch all of the above on Turner Classic Movies.   And, almost mystically, they frequently air them on Saturday afternoons.  Guess who tunes in?   Or, perhaps, loads up a DVD on his Blu-Ray.

The only thing missing is Grandma yelling at the TV set.  But, I can still hear her.   And, miraculously, sometimes even with me holding a Slim Jim in my hand.

Dinner last night:  BBQ baby back ribs in the air fryer.

Classic Newsreel of the Month - April 2026

 The news from April 1964.   With that plush stadium opening in Flushing, NY.

Dinner last night:  Cheese and crackers.

Springtime for Awkwardness

 

Obviously, the photographer had told them this would be nothing but a head shot.

If this is a familyu portrait, I have some questions.

Little Petunia is being blocked by, well, a little petunia.

The way Dad is sitting behind Mom, you would think she would have a bigger smile on her face. 

This time, the dog is giving Mom a bath.

Future pole dancer.

Trying to fit a size 6 baby into a size 4 wagon.

"Mommy, this uncle is drunk now, too."

I need her phone number.

Surprisingly, the most awkward thing in this picture is the sofa.

Dinner last night:  Salisbury steak.