Monday Morning Video Laugh - March 9, 2026

 My blog anniversary continues with this classic doggie treat.

Dinner last night:  Cheese and crackers.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Cooking with Grandma

 It's nostalgia this month as I celebrate the move into Year 20 of Len Speaks.  And, keeping with the festivities, I went back into the archives to find the very first Sunday Memory Drawer, which I ran way back in October, 2008, on what would be the date of the very last baseball game to be played in Shea Stadium.

Digression aside, I've included that very first "memory drawer" below, but it naturally spurred me to wax a little bit more on the topic at hand.  Specifically, my grandmother in the kitchen.

Now, I'm sure you might have some wonderful memories of tasty treats cooked up by your grandmother.  And, trust me, the lady could bake with the best of them.  Every Saturday morning, I would be awakened upstairs by a veritable Entenmann's Bakery going downstairs in Grandmaland.  Pies.  Cakes.  Bread or rice pudding.  Even the simplest of pound cakes would figuratively send me to Heaven.

If it was summertime and her rhubarb had grown nicely in the garden, you would have the added aroma of that stewing in a pot on the stove while the bottom shell of the pie was baking in the oven.  Grandma's rhubarb pie was well-known throughout the family and made regular appearances at all functions.  She did it differently than traditional pies and I believe two of my cousins still follow her recipe on holidays.   I can remember her process as if it was yesterday.  Stew the rhubarb into a mush.  Add a box of strawberry Jell-O to stiffen it up.  Pour it into the bottom of the pie shell.  Cover it all with fresh whipped cream. 

Bingo.  Grandma's rhubarb pie.  And I miss it to this day.

Thank God the woman could make dessert.  Because she sure as Hell had her challenges with other parts of a meal.

Truth be told, she's probably not completely at fault.  I think she fell into some nasty cooking habits during the days of the Great Depression and never got out of them....forty years later!

For instance, here's something you rarely see in stores anymore...

Oh, they still make it, but I doubt you can find many people who open up this glop and then add a can of water to make soup.

For my grandmother, Campbell's Condensed Tomato Soup was a staple of the kitchen.  She used it in so many ways.

Straight out of the can, it was sauce for spaghetti.

It was gravy for beef stew.

Watered down slightly, it acted as ketchup when we had run out of the bottled stuff.

Ugh.

But, back in 1929, I am guessing one did what one had to do.  And Grandma was no different.

Now, who uses this anymore?

I am sure it's still out there, but, back in the days of my grandparents, you didn't drink coffee without it.  And there was always an open can in the refrigerator because, God forbid, one can needed to last you a whole week.

Salad dressing?  Apparently, olive oil was a delicacy in Grandma's world.  Frequently, her lettuce topping was as simple as two spoonfuls of vinegar and a fistful of sugar.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, sugar.

Her lunch, usually at 11AM every morning, never ever varied as long as I can remember.  Two slices of bread.  Two slices of Oscar Meyer bologna.  Mustard?  Nah.  Mayonnaise?  Nope.  Her condiment of choice?

Welch's Grape Jelly.   And not just any jelly but one that came in those damn Flintstones glasses.

Grandma probably had about two dozen of these containers all over the kitchen.  No matter what you were drinking, whether it be milk, soda, or beer, Grandma served it courtesy of Fred, Wilma, and Barney.

Of course, even with the questionable bill of fare at Grandma's kitchen, there was one place there I absolutely loved.

Her pantry.  And as told back in 2008 in my very first Sunday Memory Drawer...

This room was a full-out treasure chest for me. Situated right off her kitchen, it was a full-sized room that had a counter where I could do homework. And there were shelves all the way up to the ceiling. Lots of places for me to hide whatever toy figurines or soldiers I was occupied with at the time. One side would hide behind the double boiler and the other would secrete themselves behind cans of Libby's vegetables. And I could hide myself in another corner and let it all play before me for hours and oodles of fun.

There were many other fringe benefits. My grandmother baked every single Saturday morning and there was usually some sort of cake or pie stored there. Pieces disappeared regularly. And, of course, her Poppin' Fresh cookie jar was always loaded with Jane Parker or Ann Page's finest chocolate chip cookies. Only the best that the local A & P had to offer. I still have that cookie jar here in LA and it's always filled. With chocolate chip cookies. The tribute that just keeps on giving.

One day, I noticed something else. My grandmother would go into the pantry, hop on a step stool, and reach up to the very top shelf. Where apparently she was keeping some very special chocolate bars.

Hmmmm.

It didn't take many days after this discovery before I wanted to tap into this reserve myself. If my grandmother was hiding this candy, it must be damn good.

The step stool still left me about three shelves too short for the reach. So, I essentially climbed gingerly from one shelf to another. The Wallendas had nothing on me, especially if there was a tasty treat at the end of the stunt. I got to that chocolate and munched. One piece and then another. And then another. She wouldn't miss a whole bar. I reasoned she probably had others stashed away all over the house.

And then it came. Or, in reality, there it went. About an hour later, I was sick to my stomach. And couldn't stop visiting a certain room in the house. Where I would be sitting and not standing. It was so bad that I missed two days of school and even was summoned to appear before the always feared pediatrician, Dr. Fiegoli. Nobody had any answers and I certainly didn't make the connection. Until my grandmother asked the question that begged for an answer...

"Who ate all my Ex-Lax?"

Dinner last night:  Had a very late lunch in Arizona so nothing really.

Classic TV Commercial of the Month - March 2026

 Whatever happened to this guy?

Dinner last night:  In N Out Burger in Arizona.

The Mugs of March

 

Who ordered the felon with whipped cream?

 Does this bandage come in turquoise?

Here's a memo from the judge:  Please go straight to the state prison.

 I'm just guessing, but this must have been about shoplifting an eyebrow pencil.

Any time?   You'll be doing a lot of it.

Make that 20% to your lawyer.

 Somebody get him a phone book to stand on.

 Oh, my God!  They've arrested Ricky Gervais!!!

 Arrested right in the middle of his Toni home permanent.

Yeah, Mom's real proud of you now.

How far can you pop them out?

Who you lookin' at??

The hairdo alone should get her three years behind bars.

Dinner last night:   BLT at the Black Bear Diner in Goodyear, Arizona.

Walmart Can Be a Scary Place

 

"Well, it fit when I tried it on in the dressing room."

"Well, it looked good in the box."

No one in Beverly Hills would be caught dead in this get-up.

Happy Valentine's Day from your friendly neighborhood pimp.

Let's just hope it's stained from the outside and not the other way around.

"Excuse me, what aisle can I find the man groomers?"

Dinner last night:  Chicken salad.

This Date in History - March 4

 

Happy birthday to Paula Prentiss.   She starred in "He and She."   Guess which part she played?

51: NERO, LATER TO BECOME ROMAN EMPEROR, IS GIVEN THE TITLE PRINCEPS IUVENTUTUS...OR HEAD OF THE YOUTH.

 I guess there's a reason why they don't teach Latin in schools any more.

932:  TRANSLATION OF THE RELICS OF MARTYR WENCESLAUS I, DUKE OF BOHEMIA, PRINCE OF THE CZECHS.

Good King of the Christmas song.

1152:  FREDERICK I BARBAROSSA IS ELECTED KING OF THE GERMANS.

Barbarossa?   Wasn't that a movie with Jane Fonda?

1351:  RAMATHIBODI BECOMES KING OF SIAM.

Yul Brynner could never pronounce that, which is why he was simply the "King."

1386:  WTADYSLAW II JAGIETTO IS CROWNED KING OF POLAND.

It's Crazy Name Day on the blog.

1461:  THE WAR OF THE ROSES IN ENGLAND.

Wasn't this a movie with Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner?

1493:  EXPLORER CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS ARRIVES BACK IN LISBON, PORTUGAL, ABOARD HIS SHIP NINA FROM HIS VOYAGE TO THE BAHAMAS AND THE CARIBBEAN.

Going all the places we later went on the Love Boat.

1681:  CHARLES II GRANTS A LAND CHARTER TO WILLIAM PENN FOR THE AREA THAT WILL LATER BECOME PENNSYLVANIA.  

As opposed to a lead No. 2 pennsyl.

1789:  IN NEW YORK CITY, THE FIRST CONGRESS OF THE US MEETS, PUTTING THE US CONSTITUTION INTO EFFECT.  THE BILL OF RIGHTS IS WRITTEN AND PROPOSED TO CONGRESS.

Back when we were civilized and actually wanted to follow a constitution.

1791:  VERMONT IS ADMITTED TO THE US AT THE 14TH STATE.

Saps.

1837:  THE CITY OF CHICAGO IS INCORPORATED.

Vote early, vote often.

1861:  THE FIRST NATIONAL FLAG OF THE CONFEDERATE STATES OF AMERICA IS ADOPTED.

National?   What is it?   About 10 states???

1865:  THE THIRD NATIONAL FLAG OF THE CONFEDERATE STATES OF AMERICA.

Oh, make up your mind!

1888:  FOOTBALL STARE KNUTE ROCKNE IS BORN.

What were his parents thinking with that name?

1909:  US PRESIDENT WILLIAM TAFT USES A SAXBE FIX, A MECHANISM TO AVOID THE RESTRICTION OF THE US CONSTITUTION'S INELIGIBILITY CLAUSE.

History majors, please call to explain.

1913:  THE US DEPARTMENT OF LABOR IS FORMED.

I'm dying to know who got the very first unemployment check.

1925:  COMPOSER PAUL MAURIAT IS BORN.

Love is blue.  Unless you're color blind.

1933:  FRANCES PERKINS BECOMES US SECRETARY OF LABOR, THE FIRST FEMALE MEMBER OF THE US CABINET.

Even here, women can't escape labor.

1938:  ACTRESS PAULA PRENTISS IS BORN.

My writing partner met her and husband Dick Benjamin in a super market and they had a long talk about spices.

1943:  DURING WORLD WAR II, THE BATTLE OF THE BISMARCK SEA ENDS.

The Bismarck is sunk?

1945:  FINLAND DECLARES WAR ON NAZI GERMANY.

What took them so long?

1949:  ACTRESS CARROLL BAKER IS BORN.

I don't know anybody who met her in a super market.

1962:  A CALEDONIAN AIRWAYS FLIGHTS CRASHES ON TAKE-OFF FROM CAMEROON, KILLING 111.

And losing at least 111 suitcases.

1966:  A CANADIAN PACIFIC AIRLINES FLIGHT EXPLODES ON LANDING TOKYO, KILLING 64 PEOPLE.

And losing at least 64...never mind.

1970:  FRENCH SUBMARINE EURYDICE EXPLODES UNDERWATER.

So, if a submarine explodes underwater, does anybody hear it?

1974:  PEOPLE MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED FOR THE FIRST TIME.

And now we all have something to read on the toilet.

1985:  THE FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION APPROVES A BLOOD TEST FOR AIDS INFECTION, USED SINCE THEN FOR SCREENING ALL BLOOD DONATIONS IN THE US.

Also a great day to own stock in white surgical gloves.

1994:  ACTOR JOHN CANDY DIES.

Killed perhaps by a dentist.

1996:  COMEDIAN MINNIE PEARL DIES.

Howdy?   Bye!

2001:  A MASSIVE CAR BOMB EXPLODES IN FRONT OF THE BBC IN LONDON.   THE ATTACK WAS ATTRIBUTED TO THE REAL IRA.

You mean there was an imitation IRA?

2001:  POLITICIAN HAROLD STASSEN DIES.

Known as a big loser in elections, he's really out of the running now.

2016:  TENNIS BROADCASTER BUD COLLINS DIES.

Net!

2019:  ACTOR LUKE PERRY DIES.

Does Heaven have a zip code?

Dinner last night:  Salisbury steak.

Moron of the Month - March 2026

 

If it was up to me, there should be an appearance element thrown into every US election.   For instance, somebody like Katie Porter, a Congresswoman from somewhere in the bowels of California, wouldn't stand a chance.   I mean, she rates high on the fat and dumpy barometer.

But, frankly, this slob wouldn't have a chance even if she were a runway model.   On sheer brain power alone, Katie is disqualified.

You know, this monthly moron feature really could be turned over to nominating the newest idiotic Democrat to make an appearance.  With the upcoming gubernatorial election in California and the future 2028 Presidential race, there will be no shortage of morons kissing babies at the mall.  There will be the raising of one ugly head after another.

And that's where Katie Porter comes in.   One of those clowns educated by the most liberal colleges in the country, Katie doesn't have an original thought in her head.   Look at some of her political stances on-line.   Every word out of her mouth comes straight from the Democratic Party.   She must get a daily download.  There is nothing original or even remotely unique with her political stance.

And that's why she is looking to replace Gavin Newscum as Governor of California as yet another stupid and worthless civic leader.   Dopey Gavin has his eye on the White House, while Katie has her eye on Sacramento...and probably a bucket of KFC.  Being able to recite from the liberal playbook doesn't make you a leader.

Indeed, if you do some research on Katie, you will see she is hardly leadership quality.   She allegedly goes through staffers like onion rings at In N'Out Burger.  Anger management incidents follow her daily.   She supposedly poured a pot of boiling potatoes over her first husband's head.  There's already a restraining order between her and the latest boyfriend.

But this is all trivial stuff, right?   Because Katie Porter knows how to recite political viewpoints as if Senor Wences had his arm up her back.  Is there no end to the number of useless politicians out there?   

Boy, oh, boy, do we throw our votes in the toilet every November?   Morons electing morons.   Katie Porter is an idiot.   But somebody will vote for her.

Dinner last night:  Leftover General Tso's chicken.