Monday Morning Video Laugh - August 10, 2026

 Saluting the Marx Brothers this month.   Here's a great clip from "A Day at the Races."  Get your tutsi frutsi ice cream.

Dinner last night:  Stuffed beef tenderloin.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - It's Not Just Foil

 

This is one of my dad's Technicolor photographs.   He was probably trying his new Argus Camera out on my grandmother's roses.   This was part of the garden near our back steps.  Oh, wait, our back "stoop."  Notice how the bricks of the stairs blends in with the bricks of the house.

Except the house wasn't made of brick.  It was this type of shingle that made it look brick but it really wasn't. 

It was one of the reasons why my father and mother questioned whether my grandparents should have bought the house on South Fifteenth Avenue of Mount Vernon, New York at all.  Besides its location adjacent to a major thoroughfare and proximity to a bunch of apartment buildings, I have been told that my folks thought the house needed major repairs.   While my parents weren't buying the house itself, they would be renting out the second floor and I suppose they felt they had a say in it all.

As a little kid, I learned myself about all the warts. 

The back door always got stuck.

Some of the smaller windows didn't open.

There was a part of the banister going upstairs that always came loose. 

Little things would break here and there.  I always made sure that I wasn't around for the inevitable "what did you do now."   I, of course, had my answer always well rehearsed.

"I didn't do it.  It was like that already."

The phony brick façade was just one more thing wrong with our house.   But my grandparents had bought it dirt cheap.  And so was the rent my folks were paying.

Of course, the crumbling brick shingles did get an assist from me as they hit the ground.

I used to love and mimic baseball games in my backyard.   My "catcher" was the brick stoop.  It made for a great strike zone.   Except when I missed the stoop and would hit the side of the house.   Part of the old shingle would crack and fall off.  Invariably, my grandmother would be in the kitchen nearby.

"What are you doing?"

Nothing. 

Of course, nothing could be easily found lying at the base of the house.  Little pieces of brick shingles lying on the ground.   I'd quickly clean them up and deposit in the garbage can.   Of course, with my luck, Grandma would then come out with a bag of her own trash.

"What's this in here?"

Um, nothing.

This scene would be repeated over and over for about three summers.   Meanwhile, thanks to me and just general wear and tear, the shingles that adorned our house were slowly coming off.  It was the mirror reverse of the Picture of Dorian Gray.   Our house was starting to look uglier and uglier every single day.

But, then, my grandfather died.  The very next summer, as if she needed to consume herself with something or anything else, Grandma made a bold decision.

"I want to put aluminum siding on the house."

Huh?   I thought that.   My father actually said it.  

Apparently, unbeknownst to all of us, Grandma had answered the front door to a salesman selling the stuff.  Of course, this is never a good idea, especially if you're a senior citizen.  But, God bless my grandmother, she was a house afire when she got a bug in her head.   Once she wanted something done, she would not rest until it happened.

I think my dad then checked out the aluminum siding guy and he passed the sniff test.  Grandma's reasoning was that she wanted to do something to make the house look nicer.  And, oh, she had the money.    After all, the siding would help keep the house cooler in the summer and warmer in the winter.   My mom got a nasty chuckle out of the latter.

"She never puts the heat on in the winter anyway."

Okay, starting as soon as my school was out in June, our house was descended upon by a phalanx of workers who would be there the better part of the summer.  Scaffolding was set up all over and you could barely see the house underneath it all.  There seemed to be about a dozen craftsmen but, in reality, just two or three of them.  I noticed one starting to scrape the crummy brick shingles off.   I offered to help.   I was an expert.

I am guessing that, in 2026, a house being redone with aluminum siding is probably a two day project.  But, back then, everybody was Eldin from "Murphy Brown."   Working with precision, but at a snail's pace.   There were few hiccups in the long process, except for the day when Grandma complained that a worker was on the scaffold outside her bathroom window when she was in the tub.   Um, the window is frosted glass.  He can't see a thing.

"Oh, you never mind.  He was looking."

When they were done, the removal of the scaffolding took almost as long.  Of course, with the house done, it looked brand new.   Inside, the banister still was loose.  The windows still stuck.   But, in its two-toned aluminum siding of green and white, Grandma was now so proud of her house.

The stuff they used must have been top notch.  Almost six decades later, it still looks the same.

That's because I didn't get a chance to do any damage.  On the very first day I tried to resume my backyard baseball game, there was a stern voice from Grandma's kitchen.

"Don't put any dents in my house."

Dinner last night:   Hot dog at the movies.

Classic Newsreel of the Month - August 2026

 In 2026, we are aligned with Japan...and taking all their baseball players.

Dinner last night:  Grilled gruyere cheese and bacon sandwich.

Now Here's A Dumb Idea

 

Maybe you've seen the advertisements.   These are called Urgent Care Home kits.  Don't want to see a professional at your local urgent care center?  Well, you can be the doctor and save some dough?  This package has all you need including a variety of antibiotics.

Yes, antibiotics.   Because it's really a good idea to take any kind of drugs for any urgent care situation.  Don't they know about drug side effects?   Perhaps you're taking some long standing medication but you come down with a cold.   Aunt Wilma just might have the pill for what ails you.

Why do I see this as a bad idea becoming even more lethal?  But, then again, there will soon now be a home remedy for anything.   Check this out.

An urgent care kit specifically for gunshot wounds.

Do they include a bullet you can bite on?

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

Your Fotomat Favorites for August 2026

 

"I've gotta pee.   Will this dress mix in the Port-O-San?"

"Bang, I caught a wife."

"Let me tell you how to raise those kids."

"Go away.  I'm off the clock."

"No, I don't tease my hair."

"I can see Mom's..."

"I'd like you to meet my sister Howard Stern."

"What do you mean...smile?"

Dinner last night:  Dan dan noodles.

This Date in History - August 5

 

Happy birthday to Maureen McCormick.  Oh, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.

25:  GUANGWU CLAIMS THE THRONE AS EMPEROR AFTER A PERIOD OF POLITICAL TURMOIL, RESTORING THE HAN DYNASTY.

I wonder if Han Dynasty delivers.

642:  BATTLE OF MASERFIELD - PENDA OF MERCIA AND KILLS OSWALD OF NORTHUMBRIA.

Oh, Mercia, Mercia, Mercia.

1100:  HENRY I IS CROWNED KING OF ENGLAND.

Seven more King Henrys until we get to the real fun one.

1305:  WILLIAM WALLACE, WHO LED THE SCOTTISH RESISTANCE AGAINST ENGLAND, IS CAPTURED AND TRANSPORTED TO LONDON WHERE HE IS PUT ON TRIAL AND EXECUTED.

All in one day???

1583:  SIR HUMPHREY GILBERT ESTABLISHES THE FIRST ENGLISH COLONY IN NORTH AMERICA, AT WHAT IS NOW ST. JOHN'S, NEWFOUNDLAND, AND LABRADOR.

...retriever.

1620:  THE MAYFLOWER DEPARTS FROM ENGLAND ON ITS FIRST ATTEMPT TO REACH NORTH AMERICA.

So does this mean they didn't get there the first time?

1735:  FREEDOM OF THE PRESS - NEW YORK WEEKLY JOURNAL WRITER JOHN PETER ZENGER IS ACQUITTED OF SEDITIOUS LIBEL AGAINST THE ROYAL GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK, ON THE BASIS THAT WHAT HE HAD PUBLISHED WAS TRUE.

Back when journalism was still alive.

1763:  BRITISH FORCES LED BY HENRY BOUQUET DEFEAT CHIEF PONTIAC'S INDIANS AT BUSHY RUN.

I assume they were beat in battle and not on the softball field.

1772:  THE FIRST PARTITION OF POLAND BEGINS.

So before this, there were no walls in Poland?

1858:  CYRUS WEST FIELD AND OTHERS COMPLETE THE FIRST TRANSATLANTIC TELEGRAPH CABLE AFTER SEVERAL UNSUCCESSFUL ATTEMPTS.  IT WILL OPERATE FOR LESS THAN A MONTH.

So overall, this was not so successful.

1861:  IN ORDER TO HELP PAY FOR THE CIVIL WAR EFFORT, THE US GOVERNMENT LEVIES THE FIRST INCOME TAX AS PART OF THE REVENUE ACT OF 1861.

Yeah, this won't be the first time.

1861:  THE US ARMY ABOLISHES FLOGGING.

That's a shame.

1874:  JAPAN LAUNCHES ITS POSTAL SAVINGS SYSTEM, MODELED AFTER A SIMILAR SYSTEM IN THE UNITED KINGDOM.

No clue what this means and whether or not I care.

1882:  THE STANDARD OIL OF NEW JERSEY IS ESTABLISHED.

Hence those big tanks on the side of the turnpike.

1884:  THE CORNERSTONE FOR THE STATUE OF LIBERTY IS LAID ON LIBERTY ISLAND.

With that torch, she could light a cigarette after being laid.

1888:  BERTHA BENZ DRIVES FROM MANNHEIM IN THE FIRST LONG DISTANCE AUTO TRIP.

I don't know which joke to go with.  1.  Bertha, meet Mercedes.  Or..... 2. Driving from Mannheim, did she use a steamroller.

1906:  DIRECTOR/ACTOR JOHN HUSTON IS BORN.

Badges.  We don't need no stinkin' badges.

1911:  ACTOR ROBERT TAYLOR IS BORN.

I had two jokes on one entry above.  For this one, I have none.

1914:  IN CLEVELAND, OHIO, THE FIRST ELECTRIC TRAFFIC LIGHT IS INSTALLED.  

Which means that there was a person who was the first not to stop at it.

1926:  HARRY HOUDINI PERFORMS HIS GREATEST FEAT, SPENDING 91 MINUTES UNDERWATER IN A SEALED TANK BEFORE ESCAPING.

I've sat on the runway at JFK longer.

1930:  ASTRONAUT NEIL ARMSTRONG IS BORN.

One small step, one big push from Mommy...

1943:  BASEBALL PLAYER NELSON BRILES IS BORN.

An average pitcher who I once interviewed mainly because he did a Paul Lynde impersonation.

1944:  WORLD WAR II - POSSIBLY THE BIGGEST PRISON BREAKOUT IN HISTORY OCCURS AS 545 JAPANESE POWS ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE IN AUSTRALIA.

Australia?  Why would you want to leave?

1944:  WORLD WAR II - THE NAZIS BEGIN A WEEK-LONG MASSACRE OF ANYWHERE BETWEEN 40,000 AND 100,000 CIVILIANS AND PRISONERS IN POLAND.

Now that is a wild swing in estimates.

1945:  ACTRESS LONI ANDERSON IS BORN.

If she wore a t-shirt for her old show, it would read W k r P.  Think about it.

1956:  ACTRESS MAUREEN MCCORMICK IS BORN.

She was hot, but I really dug Jan with those glasses.

1957:  AMERICAN BANDSTAND DEBUTS ON THE ABC TELEVISION NETWORK.

Dick Clark had a free hour to kill every week.

1958:  HERBERT HOOVER ECLIPSES JOHN ADAMS AS HAVING THE LONGEST RETIREMENT OF ANY FORMER PRESIDENT UNTIL THAT TIME.  IT HAS SINCE BEEN ECLIPSED BY JIMMY CARTER.

The latter couldn't have been retired soon enough.

1962:  ACTRESS MARILYN MONROE DIES.

Dies.  Ha ha.

1969: MARINER 7 MAKES ITS CLOSEST FLY-BY OF MARS.

I wonder if man will ever make this trip.

1981:  PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN FIRES 11,359 STRIKING AIR-TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS WHO IGNORED HIS ORDER FOR THEM TO RETURN TO WORK.

That's one long line at the unemployment office.

2000:  ACTOR ALEC GUINNESS DIES.

Sir Alec to you.

2002:  SPORTSCASTER CHICK HEARN DIES.

Really in that refrigerator now.

2018:  ACTRESS CHARLOTTE RAE DIES.

The Facts of.....too easy.

2019:  AUTHOR TONI MORRISON DIES.

Also the inventor of the home permanent.

Dinner last night:   Sandwich.

Moron of the Month - August 2026

 

Yeah, I know.   She's been here before.   She's the stupidity that just keeps on giving.

Truth be told, we should have enjoyed her exile while she vacated the United States for Ireland.   I thought it was permanent.   Hmm, well the joke's on me.  Because Rosie is back in America for more.

There are so many horrible stories from the past that detail what a disgusting human being she is.   Heck, I've got one of my own when I witnessed her rant and rave on a Barnes and Noble college student/clerk at the Palisades Mall in Nyack.  Friends saw similar behavior in other venues.   Frankly, her departure from America because of her hatred of Trump actually was a highlight of his first term as President.  

She couldn't bear to live here anymore.   Hooray!

But apparently she couldn't make any money over there.  Or maybe Ireland ran out of Ring Dings.   Because the United States ain't looking so bad when you have other dummies here signing her up for a lecture tour.  Or ABC signing up to take over shithead Jimmy Kimmel's show while he's on vacation from whatever work he is qualified to do.   Hell, Rosie's even hinting at a revisit of her old morning gabfest.  Or maybe she's going to join the other empty vaginas on "The View."

I can't believe the groundswell of support in welcoming this "See You Next Tuesday" back to America.   She says she's here to help restore hope in the United States.

My hope is that she loses her luggage on the way here.  Meanwhile, if you want to revisit my encounter with Rosie, scroll back 19 years to one of my very first blog entries.

https://lenspeaks.blogspot.com/2007/04/shaddap.html

Dinner last night:  BLT salad.