Well, I do have an account now. Except I haven't used it much. But, if I did, here's what I would have tweeted this past month.
#LenSpeaks It's Labor Day and I can't find the telethon anywhere. Did they finally find a cure?
#LenSpeaks Or is the disease still around and they just fired Jerry Lewis?
#LenSpeaks Meanwhile, I flip the dials a few days later and I still see a telethon with rabbis. I guess that means you can still come down with Chabad.
#LenSpeaks Is it just weird timing or did all those Egyptian riots just happen to coincide with 9/11?
#LenSpeaks There are parts of the Middle East that should be nothing more than garage parking for Israel.
#LenSpeaks Here's a group you'll never hear about in the Mid East. The Muslim Sisterhood.
#LenSpeaks Watching a Met game at Citi Field in September is akin to sitting by yourself on the side of a quiet lake.
#LenSpeaks 35,000 people disguised as hot dog wrappers.
#LenSpeaks It's election season and somebody asked me if I believe the polls. I responded that I had more faith in the Swiss.
#LenSpeaks Rim shot.
#LenSpeaks The Dodgers are like a godsend to an abused wife. They completely stopped hitting.
#LenSpeaks I'm on a flight back to LA and I see Melissa Rivers on board. Does anybody know how Botox affects the flying weight of an airplane?
#LenSpeaks I suddenly realize. If my flight has problems, the headline will read, "MELISSA RIVERS, OTHERS IN PERIL."
#LenSpeaks I'm officially an other.
#LenSpeaks Quick, somebody call TMZ. Melissa Rivers just went to the bathroom.
#LenSpeaks And came out two minutes later. Melissa, you don't wash your hands.
#LenSpeaks It's Endeavor-mania in Los Angeles. A day where everybody is gladly looking up into the smog.
#LenSpeaks The way it flew around LA landmarks was sort of like what they do with a hearse on the way to a cemetery. "Let's drive past the house one last time."
#LenSpeaks Everybody was cheering the shuttle, except none of them realized that it's no longer flying because the government won't fund the program anymore.
#LenSpeaks I'm always confused by these Emmy acceptance speeches. Thanking people by saying "I love you as a person."
#LenSpeaks As opposed to what? Loving somebody as a sofa?
#LenSpeaks Am I the only one who thinks Tina Fey is really unattractive?
#LenSpeaks I watch none of the TV shows that were Emmy winners this year. I'm just sayin'.
#LenSpeaks So the President did a radio interview with a DJ called "Pimp with a Limp." I don't know about you but that just made me throw up on my copy of the Constitution.
#LenSpeaks Obama also went on that probing talk show, "The View." With Barbara Walters. "The Hag with a Bag."
#LenSpeaks And Joy Behar. "The Bitch with a Hitch."
#LenSpeaks It's now official. I am totally embarrassed by the man that runs this country.
#LenSpeaks Are those football replacement referees an extension of the NFL Summer Intern Program?
#LenSpeaks It's amazing how more people were incensed by the referee strike than what's going on in the Middle East. This country is jampacked with morons.
#LenSpeaks And what the fuck is a Honey Boo Boo?
#LenSpeaks In my doctor's office and watching Streisand on that Katie Couric gabfest. Yikes!
#LenSpeaks People, people with bad Botox are the ugliest people in the world....
#LenSpeaks Meanwhile, Babs is bilking the public. Going on her fourth farewell tour. Selling the nose bleed seats at the Hollywood Bowl for $300!
#LenSpeaks Maybe we'll be lucky. If Romney wins, she'll move to Brazil.
#LenSpeaks Finally got my bill from the surgeon for my knee operation. Total bill: $17,500. Patient responsibility: twenty bucks.
#LenSpeaks And we need a new health care system in this country why?
#LenSpeaks Rest in peace, Andy Williams. I really can't get used to losing you.
Dinner last night: Bacon and eggs.
Friday, September 28, 2012
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1 comment:
I'm a "30 Rock" fan but totally agree that Tina Fey takes home the prize for homely. They keep trying to glam her up. Doesn't work. Doesn't have the DNA. She's a Plain Jane. Face of a character actress, body that no one notices. The good news? Not as homely as Ellen (Covergirl spokesmodel?) DeGenerate. Ellen, that face should be selling shock absorbers.
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