These days, it's torture to watch as self-conscious Hollywood uses the occasion to choke some movies down our collective throats. See this because it's good for you. A virtual cinematic medicine cabinet. Who cares whether or not the film is actually entertaining? No longer a factor. The movie is about some social condition. You must watch it if you know what's good for you!
Puh-leze.
Now let's focus on the Best Picture Oscar. I'm less impressed these days with those films that grab the Big Kahuna of all awards, especially after last year where it was painfully obvious that the voting process is rigged. I had been told by somebody who would know that the leading vote getter doesn't always get the award. It seems there's a blue ribbon panel that reviews the results and does have the power to negate them if they so choose. I am convinced this happened last year with the win by "Moonlight." And, as Hollywood gets more and more concerned with making us take our cinematic castor oil, I am betting this will happen again and again.
It used to be so different. Let's take a look at the year 1939, which historians say was the very best 12 month period for American movies. The big winner was "Gone with the Wind" and it is pictured above. But take a gander at the other nine nominated films that year.
Dark Victory.
Goodbye, Mr. Chips.
Love Affair.
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.
Ninotchka.
Of Mice and Men.
Stagecoach.
The Wizard of Oz.
Wuthering Heights.
All great movies spanning a variety of subjects. The bottom line? All were super entertaining and that's why people went to the theaters in droves to see them. Because they were pure escapism even with the chance that some of them had a point to make about life in America.
Now let's look at the nine Best Picture nominees from 2018. In its fear of offending some race or gender, this might be the most pretentious list of Oscar film hopefuls ever. It certainly is one of the worst in my humble opinion because, frankly, the goal of entertaining has been replaced by a meat tenderizer to our heads. Your enjoyment is not the number one priority. Instead, there is an agenda that we need you to adopt ASAP.
Let's dissect the nominees and I'll show you what I'm talking about.
Call Me By Your Name: In checking the boxes Hollywood needs to address, this is the official nominee for the LGBTQ cause. Now don't get me wrong. I have no issue with the subject matter of a young 17-year-old boy coming to grips with his sexuality and his relationship with a 24-year-old college grad. But the major problem with this film comes in the bonehead casting. Timothee Chalamet doesn't look 17. As a matter of fact, he looks younger. Meanwhile, Armie Hammer as the 24-year-old looks more like the 31 years that Hammer really is. These are the kinds of optics that got Kevin Spacey a one-way ticket to oblivion. How dumb can Hollywood get?
Darkest Hour: There's really nothing wrong with this movie about Winston Churchill's first days leading England through WW II. Much has been made about Gary Oldman's performance but, for my money, John Lithgow was a much better Churchill in Season 1 of "The Crown." The problem with this one was its repetitive qualities. The same rousing speech is made 15 times. I could have sufficed listening to it just ten times. Of course, the idiots of Tinseltown have elevated the movie to grandiose proportions by marketing it as a way for audiences to see what a true national leader should be like. Hmmm, can these morons go a single day without thinking about Trump?
Dunkirk: An out-and-out mess by director Christopher Nolan who couldn't direct traffic in the middle of the Gobi Desert at midnight. Sloppy storytelling and you can't tell one young soldier from another. Hollywood is dying to give him an Oscar for some inexplicable reason. So they rarely let an opportunity go by when they can nominate him or one of his movies for something.
Get Out: The Academy manages to cover the requisite Black Lives Matter initiative by nominating this overblown, overwritten, and overhyped horror movie. But, because it is helmed by a Black director and features a plot where all White people are evil and all African-Americans are noble, this film is considered a cure for all ills. It's really nothing more than "The Stepford Wives Go to Harlem." How dumb is this movie? One of the heroes is an intelligent TSA agent. Okay, that in itself is pure science-fiction.
Lady Bird: The empowerment of women box is checked with this film which I actually liked. Indeed, it is one of three nominees here that I personally think belongs in the Best Picture category. It was entertaining and, for that reason alone, it merits attention in a self-conscious Hollywood. In most years, it would win Best Picture. But not when you have other more important hashtags and pressure groups that need to be accommodated.
Phantom Thread: There's always one nominated picture every year that gets the nod because Hollywood A) didn't understand it or B) collectively slept through it. Well, for me, both A) and B) are valid. ZZZZZzzzz. And, for the parts I was awake...HUH????
The Post: The much belabored news media must be acknowledged and "The Post" serves its purpose here. Freedom of the press, rah rah. A pretty entertaining movie but Hollywood, of course, is using this to wage a war that really doesn't exist. Because journalism in 1972 is way different than the journalism of 2018. Wait, there is no such thing as journalism in 2018. My mistake.
The Shape of Water: Here Hollywood checks the Hispanic box with a movie directed by the overrated and often incoherent Guillermo Del Toro. Of all the nominated films, this one might be the most ridiculous one of all. Naturally, it is a front runner to win it all. The plot is completely silly and ludicrous with everything shot with this Kermit the Frog green tint. The scene where the deaf ugly girl floods a bathroom so she can have sex with a sea monster under water defies all logic and physics. Del Toro is another asshole Hollywood is dying to honor. I mean, they love Mexicans and immigrants so. After all, the same folks are mowing their lawns and cleaning their pools.
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri: If Len had an Academy ballot, this would be the one that got my vote. An interesting story with great acting and direction. It held my attention all the way through.
So how the hell did it get nominated in the first place? It belongs back in the year 1939.
Dinner last night: Leftover lasagna.
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