Classic TV Commercial of the Month - January 2017

Boy, those Volkswagens were ugly cars.

Dinner last night:  Roast beef sandwich from Clementine's.

Happy Mug Year 2017

 Oh, my God!  They've arrested Alfalfa!

 She's golden...literally.

Those aren't earrings.   That's a Cirque De Soleil act.

 Oh, my God!   They've arrested Hal Holbrook!!

 All color coordinated for jail.

 She'll be the only one in Women's Detention wearing a corsage.

 This ain't the senior class picture.

 One mom who won't be picking up her kid after soccer practice.

 The bad dye job should automatically add three months to the sentence.

 Hi.  My name is Jamal and I'll be your waiter when I get out.

 "Yeah, you wanna make something of it."

Held his hand a little too long in the offering plate at church.

Dinner last night:  Barbecue chopped salad.

Morons of the Month - January 2017

No, not the two in the center of the picture.   I wouldn't go there, although I would like to.

And no, I'm not referring to the other tuxedo-ed assholes in the photo of the very last Kennedy Center Honors that George and Martha Obama will sit for.   As I look at these schmucks smacking their palms together, I wonder how many of them are going broke paying for their own health care premiums.   Indeed, as we bid a fond farewell to what was...yes, I will say it...a largely mediocre presidency, I consider that the fact that this guy essentially broke more things than he fixed.   That doesn't get you a legacy.   

But I am digressing.   Because the real morons I want to cite this month are the producers of this annual TV show which salutes a bunch of legendary artists every December.

Over the past decade or two, I have always looked forward to when CBS would telecast this event.   They usually slot it somewhere between Christmas and New Year's, with the thinking that nobody is going to watch it.   Well, I always do and it's been one of the highlights of my television year.  The well-formatted combination of tribute and production number for each honoree has always been exquisitely done.   I am sure the 2016 edition was just as perfectly executed.

The only trouble is that I deleted it from my DVR after the first 45 minutes.   What used to be a wonderful experience was turned into another example of media excess with regard to the First Family.  

I first noticed this tendency a few years ago.   Instead of focusing cameras on the reactions of the honorees during their respective tributes, we more and more were treated to shots of Michelle and Barack.  Boogeying in their seats to the music.   Smiling and giving big thumbs up to the stage.  Seriously?   The last time I checked the name of the President in the title of the show was Kennedy.

Add to this that the host of the 2016 festivities was the chemo treatment otherwise known as Stephen Colbert who uses every platform he is in to politicize.   Of course, there is a place for this and it's his own late night show on CBS which, by the way, nobody watches.  Given the results of the recent election, Colbert and the producers of this affair were licking their wounds by shoving their feelings down the throats of America.   Hey, all I wanted to see was a musical tribute to the Eagles.   Give us a freakin' break.

Okay, they first started doing this show back in 1978 so they have been presided over by five Presidents prior to Obama.   But you couldn't tell by the attention lavished on the current Chief Executive as he sails off into the sunset.  I don't remember ever as many Presidential reaction shots as there were for this one.   This year was a complete embarrassment as far as entertainment goes.  And I began to wonder just how many times we will actually see the new President on camera come the Kennedy Center Honors of 2017.

This year's program left such a bad taste in my mouth that I was moved to take an extra acid blocker.   But my 2017 pharmaceutical deductible is way too high and I need to be judicious when swallowing those pills.   I'm already choking on a $700 insurance premium.   Take that, Mr. Soon-To-Be-Ex-President.

Dinner last night:  Had a big lunch so just some tomato soup.

This Date in History - January 4

Happy birthday, Winnie the Pooh.  Well, sort of.  You'll have to read on, Macduff.

46 BC:  JULIUS CAESAR DEFEATS TITUS LABIENUS IN THE BATTLE OF RUSPINA.

Big lossius.

1490:  ANNA OF BRITTANY ANNOUNCES THAT ALL THOSE WHO WOULD ALLY WITH THE KING OF FRANCE WILL BE CONSIDERED GUILTY OF THE CRIME OF LESE MAJESTE.

My friend's dad used the expression "lese majeste" all the time.  I accused him of making it up.  I lose.

1642:  KING CHARLES I OF ENGLAND SENDS SOLDIERS TO ARREST MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT, COMMENCING ENGLAND'S SLIDE INTO CIVIL WAR.

If England still owned us, would they arrest members of Congress?  A boy can dream, can't I?

1643:  PHILOSOPHER ISAAC NEWTON IS BORN.

Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me.

1649:  DURING THE ENGLISH CIVIL WAR, THE RUMP PARLIAMENT VOTES TO PUT CHARLES I ON TRIAL.

How good a government body can they be if they are named after such an inferior cut of beef?

1717:  THE NETHERLANDS, GREAT BRITAIN, AND FRANCE SIGN THE TRIPLE ALLIANCE.

Being friends with France, the Brits will pay for this dearly over 200 years later.

1762:  GREAT BRITAIN DECLARES WAR ON SPAIN AND NAPLES.

This such is a popular date for the United Kingdom, isn't it?

1785:  FOLKLORIST JACOB GRIMM IS BORN.

Since when does "fairy tale writer" translate to "folklorist?"

1809:  BLIND TEACHER LOUIS BRAILLE IS BORN.

And thanks to him, we can actually feel what floor our elevator has stopped on.

1847:  SAMUEL COLT SELLS HIS FIRST REVOLVER PISTOL TO THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.

And, somewhere, Charlton Heston was smiling.

1854:  THE MCDONALD ISLANDS ARE DISCOVERED BY CAPTAIN WILLIAM MCDONALD.

Oddly enough, his crew would lunch that day at Burger King.

1865:  THE NEW YORK STOCK EXCHANGE OPENS ITS PERMANENT HEADQUARTERS ON WALL STREET.

The original Occupyers.

1884:  THE FABIAN SOCIETY IS FOUNDED IN LONDON.

Not to be outdone, Italy also establishes a Frankie Avalon fan club.

1885:  THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL APPENDECTOMY IS PERFORMED BY WILLIAM W. GRANT.

Which sounds like there were a shitload of unsuccessful ones before this.

1896:  UTAH IS ADMITTED AS THE 45TH U.S STATE.

The Osmonds had to live someplace.

1903:  TOPSY, AN ELEPHANT, IS ELECTROCUTED BY THOMAS EDISON DURING THE WAR OF CURRENTS CAMPAIGN.

Rhetorical question: just how many volts do you need to kill an elephant?

1905:  ACTOR STERLING HOLLOWAY IS BORN.

He was the voice of Winnie the Pooh.  Sorry to make you wait for nothing.

1930:  FOOTBALL COACH DON SHULA IS BORN.

Ninth months after his father apparently "went long."

1937:  ACTRESS DYAN CANNON IS BORN.

Later on, she was married to Cary Grant for a couple of days.

1941:  MAUREEN REAGAN IS BORN.

I found out later on that she used to live across the street from my old apartment and that the Secret Service used the house next door to mine as their headquarters.  That's a long sentence to explain that I have nothing else to say about Maureen Reagan.

1948:  BURMA GAINS ITS INDEPENDENCE FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM.

That was a close shave.

1951:  DURING THE KOREAN WAR, CHINESE AND NORTH KOREAN FORCES CAPTURE SEOUL.

If there was a railway there, would it be the Seoul Train?

1958:  SPUTNIK I FALLS TO EARTH FROM ITS ORBIT.

If Sputnik falls in the forest, does it make a noise?

1960:  PHILOSOPHER ALBERT CAMUS DIES.

How absurd is that??

1965:  PRESIDENT LYNDON JOHNSON PROCLAIMS HIS "GREAT SOCIETY" DURING HIS STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS.

His opinion only.

1974:  PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON REFUSES TO HAND OVER MATERIALS SUPPOENAED BY THE SENATE WATERGATE COMMITTEE.

Yeah, he had nothing to hide.

1998:  ACTRESS MAE QUESTEL DIES.

The voice behind Betty Boop and Olive Oyl is silenced.  One would argue this is a good thing.

1999:  ACTOR IRON EYES CODY DIES.

He was the Indian who cried when you threw trash on the side of the road.  He must have sobbed when Sputnik crashed someplace.

1999:  WRESTLER JESSE VENTURA IS SWORN IN AS GOVERNOR OF MINNESOTA.

He had beaten his opponent by hitting him over the head with a folding chair.

1999:  GUNMEN OPEN FIRE ON SHIITE MUSLIMS WORSHIPPING IN AN ISLAMABAD MOSQUE.

You can't spell these Muslims without either the word "shit" or "bad."  Just sayin'.

2001:  BANDLEADER LES BROWN DIES.

His band is no longer renown.

2007:  NANCY PELOSI IS ELECTED AS THE FIRST FEMALE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE IN U.S. HISTORY.

A dark day in American History.  But a wonderful advertisement for Botox.

2011:  MUSICIAN GERRY RAFFERTY DIES.

Major pothole on Baker Street.

Dinner last night:  Leftover chicken and vegetables.

First Movie Review of 2017

...and it just happens to be the best movie I saw in 2016.   No, check me.   It's the best movie I've seen in the last five years.   The last time I left the theater with such euphoria was in 2014 when I saw "Whiplash."

Want to know how this all ties together?   Both "Whiplash" and " La La Land" were written and directed by the same person.   Damien Chazelle is one talented guy and I look forward to seeing the rest of his likely-to-be-marvelous career.

With "La La Land," Chazelle counters the nastiness and cynicism of "Whiplash" with an homage to the old MGM musical of the 40s and 50s.  But the film maker is smart enough to know that simply copying a MGM musical would appeal to only those over the age of 75 and are waiting for the next June Allyson movie to show up on TCM.   Nope, he puts a 21st century spin on it and the blend works magically.   Again, I have not enjoyed a movie this much in years and the extended discussion with my friends after we came out of the theater is sheer testimony to the fact that this production really got to us.

More specifically, it got to me in ways that I cannot describe.   At times, the hopes and aspirations on the big screen mirrored parts of my life.   That's not to say I've ever been tap dancing with Emma Stone up on Mulholland Drive (I wish).  But there are moments and dilemmas that...well...conjured up memories of roads and people not taken.  

For those of you under a rock or waiting for that June Allyson flick on TCM, "La La Land" is about Los Angeles and the show business that is at the heart of the city's very being.  Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are two people trying to crack the success code, she as an actress and he as a jazz pianist.   These two actors have worked together before and should exclusively commit the rest of their celluloid lives to each other.  Here, they duplicate the amazing chemistry they demonstrated in the terrific comedy "Crazy, Stupid, Love."  Their "meet cute" moment in "La La Land" is hardly that and naturally, given the LA setting, occurs on the freeway in a moment of road rage.  After that, we are off to the races as their careers never really gain any traction but their relationship does.

Meanwhile, Emma and Ryan have their respective stories play out against the glorious backdrop of Los Angeles with many locations being places I've actually frequented (One dining scene actually plays out in my favorite restaurant, Jar). The town never looked better and it's magically photographed with the brightest colors imaginable...quite similar to the French musical "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg."  Even people with sight impairment would have no problem seeing this movie.   The color palette pops at every turn. 

Now I have friends on Facebook who have taken issue with the "less-than-smiles-all-around" ending.  They say it didn't work for them given the musical format.   But, indeed, I think the conclusion is ideal because that's exactly how it plays out for most folks trying to grab the brass ring in Hollywood.

Then there are other Facebook cronies who are quibbling about the dance and singing capabilities of Gosling and Stone.  Okay, I get it.   They're not Gene Kelly and Cyd Charisse.   But, Gene and Cyd are both unavailable these days and the work of Ryan and Emma is more than serviceable.   Indeed, it works well given where the characters are in the story.   Add to this that Ryan Gosling is playing the piano all by himself.   And if you don't react positively to the song that Emma Stone sings during her audition, you have ice water in the arteries of your brain.

Unless there is a screw-up in the voting, there is no way "La La Land" doesn't win the Oscar for Best Picture.   Damien Chazelle should score for screenplay at the very least and Emma Stone needs to figure out where to put her Oscar for Best Actress.

I guess you can say I loved and adored "La La Land."   It basically tells you that it's okay to dream big.   And that it sometimes only takes one person and a single moment to reach that pinnacle.   

Plus, someday, I may even tell you more about how much this movie connected to my own life.

LEN'S RATING:  FOUR BIG STARS.

Dinner last night:  Garlic beef with vegetables.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - January 2, 2017

When New Year's Eve extends into the new year...

Dinner last night:  Chicken stew done in a crockpot.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Looking Forward, Thinking Backward

Happy 2017.   

Here on the first day of the New Year, I reflect on the past and the future. Doesn't everybody?

Invariably, every New Year's Eve, somebody asks me about making resolutions for the year ahead.   I always reply that I don't bother with such frivolities.   In truth, I would like to tell them to mind their freakin' business because, indeed, I do make little contracts with myself for the general betterment of...well..my self.  And what I decide to resolve for the new year is between me and...well...me.

But, in retrospect, I can share them and how they turned out.   Some were successful.   Others less so.

Take, for instance, the photo above and it was taken a few years back in Wrigley Field.   It takes me back to the new year resolution where I pledged to go a moustache because it would make me look older.    Of course, after sporting this extra hair for a few years, I ultimately used the coming of a new year to resolve that I would soon shave off that moustache in an effort to look younger.

Of course, the common resolution for probably 85% of the world's population is to get in shape...wink, wink...lose weight.   People who know me can tell you it's a struggle I have always had and, regardless of the year, I work hard to do it. But I think back to a new year's resolution I made back in senior year of high school.   That's when all this hard work first began.

The already chubby kid had gotten even chubbier.  During the very first gym class of the year, a deep knee thrust popped out the whole joint and that would be the beginning of the long end for my right knee.  Touch football games after school were discarded in favor of TV reruns and lots of Hostess Twinkies.  

By Christmas, I was no longer "big-boned."  I was fat.

I hated the way I looked and vowed to make changes with the new year.   There was a diet being hawked on TV talk shows that required you to drink eight glasses of water a day.  A problem when you're taking six classes a day in a high school where going to the bathroom was a death wish.  But I did it.  Plus I monitored my calorie intake.   Dad did the super market shopping.  I gave him my list.

"Low calorie Wishbone dressing?" 

"Non-fat yogurt?"

"Tab?"

Yes, that Tab.  

By spring, I was looking for a new wardrobe.

And, folks, it's been a battle ever since.  I went to college and almost ballooned to Jabba the Hut proportions again.  Late night hero sandwiches from the Fordham student deli will expand your waist measurement.  As soon as I graduated, I went back to dieting.

Weight off, weight on.  Muscle tone good, muscle tone bad.  I never stayed the same the rest of my life.  I resolved one year to get a personal trainer.   That happened.  She moves to Arizona.   I resolve this year to begin work with my new personal trainer.

And so it goes.

I have always resolved to read more in the new year and generally never do unless I'm on an airplane.  I have always resolved to write more in the new year and generally I do.   Hell, this blog began as a new year's resolution.   And, as a result, I complete my tenth year of doing it this March.

Other resolutions over the year?  Get into a relationship.  Get out of a relationship.   Find new friends.   Get closer to the ones you have.  Get smarter about money.   Be more spontaneous with your purchases because, heck, it's only money.

At the end of the day and year, you can resolve all you want but fate always steps in at some juncture and laughs his ass off at you.   The departing 2016 was a rough year for a lot of my friends and they never saw it coming on New Year's Day last January.   So you can resolve yourself silly and life will intervene anyway.

But I do have some thoughts on what I personally need to accomplish in 2017 and...

Well, it's none of your business.

Ha.

Dinner last night:  Lasagna.