A Fan Letter

The other day, I found a fan letter in my mailbox at home. Not mine, of course. But I guess the mailman is in no mood to cart back to the post office any mail addressed to the late Don Knotts, who lived in my condo building up until two months before I moved in.

Every once in a while, you get this reminder that Barney lived around these parts. While his young widow has already sold the apartment and moved out with her 1.2 million dollar winnings, he still winds up with some packages. It took a good year before somebody bothered to cancel his Daily Variety subscription. Or perhaps, like Don, it expired. As late as last winter, the Motion Picture Academy was still sending him DVD screeners of Oscar-nominated movies. These usually wind up for grabs in the lobby and a great community service for the people in the building. And, from time to time, he gets fan letters. Somehow, they wind up in my mailbox more often than not.

So, I opened the hand-written envelope that Don got the other day. From some guy in Bumfuk, Texas. The note talked about how this guy just loved Don and was hoping that he would see him back on television very soon. The dude also included a 3X5 index card in hopes that Don would autograph it and return the scrawl in the enclosed self-addressed stamped envelope. The guy stressed that he was Don's biggest fan.

So big a fan that he didn't even know that Don Knotts died in 2006. That might explain the absence from both the small screen and the planet itself. I mused about what to do with this. Indeed, the sender could be an idiot since he obviously hasn't read a newspaper in two years. And, since he apparently did enough research to find Don's home address, how did he miss the note on Wikipedia that Deputy Fife had cashed in his last bullet a while back? But, still, I was impressed with the fandom he expressed. Perhaps, this guy took a lot of time and effort in composing his thoughts for this lifelong hero. So, throwing it directly down the garbage chute was not an option.

But what next? I looked at the blank index card. Why dash the gentleman's hopes and dreams? Maybe I should let him think that Barney Fife lives way beyond reruns on TV Land. I could simply sign Don's name and send it back. Gee, it's not like I'm forging his name on a check.

At the end, I opted for tough love. The guy needed to know the truth. I enclosed a note back to him that said the following:

"Mr. Knotts passed away in February of 2006. Keep him in your heart and your mind as I am sure he loved all his fans equally as much."

The guy in Texas will receive this and wonder who answered him. My worst fear is that he will want to develop a friendship with this person who had a connection to Don Knotts. He will send a follow-up note.

And I hope this one lands in my neighbor's mailbox.

Dinner last night: Pastrami reuben from Clementine's.