Wednesday, July 1, 2009

First Michael Jackson-less Wednesday Since 8/29/58


And the last that will be acknowledged in this blog. Is it possible that Michael's death has already jumped the shark?

---I love all the news reports about Ma and Pa Jackson. Talking about how involved they were in his life.

---If they were so involved, how come they didn't do something to help him?

---Maybe it's me, but I would find it tough to look the other way when my son has a monkey in his bed.

---Or Macauley Culkin.

---Waiter, two plates of sanity, please.

---Meanwhile Dad is already talking about starting his own record label and I'm wondering if he's been told there isn't any money in Michael's mattress.

---I won't be surprised if Joe Jackson sells ad space on the casket.

---My father had an expression for what is going in the Jackson family these days.

---"N*g**e* R*ch."

---Meanwhile, how many autopsies do you need to determine that your son was fucked up?

---Michael Jackson has had more autopsies than JFK Jr. took the NY State Bar exam.

---If they cut him up any more, they can bury him in pieces all over the United States.

---Rumor has it his left index finger is already up on Craig's List.

---And another rumor says that somebody stole his brain.

---Come on, folks. I saw Michael as the Scarecrow in "The Wiz." He didn't have one.

---Now they say there will be a public viewing of what's left of him at that animal farm in Santa Barbara. Bring a microscope. You'll need it.

---Okay, I'll stop now.

---Meanwhile, I finally figured out that Carnac joke that I was grappling with last week.

---"Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson."

---Envelope rrrrrrrrip.

---"Name a dead man, a dead woman, and who knows."

---Okay, now, I will stop.

---Geez, if you were sick in Hollywood, I am thinking you were really holding your breathe. So many people checked out last week.

---Gale Storm, our little Margie. Fred Travalena.

---Well, you know what they say out here. They always go in groups of seven.

---And I'm not even counting that Oxi Clean guy, Billy Mays, who also croaked over the weekend.

---From those commercials, he always told you to "act now."

---Now, aren't you sorry you didn't?

---And major points off to anybody who heard about that guy dying and thinking it was Willie Mays of the Giants.

---On deck at death's door: Walter Cronkite. And that's the way he was.

---In the world of the living, there was some sort of big deal in Niagara Falls. A high school couldn't make a decision and wound up with five valedictorians at graduation.

---They said they didn't want to hurt the kids' feelings.

---Oh, please. For Pete's sake, strap on a pair and make the call. One kid is the smartest one. The other four, have a seat.

---That's the problem these days. We're overly sensitive. This was a perfect time to send a message to these kids. There will always be one person better than they are.

---Later on, how will they react when they go for a job and don't get it??

---Life and shit happens.

---Bernie Madoff, it's been a slice. See you in 2159.

---This past week, Len Speaks apparently, according to my site counter, welcomed its first reader from Australia. Which means I can now piss somebody off a day later. Or earlier. I'm never quite sure of the time diff.

G'day, Mate.

Dinner last night: Reuben sandwich at Cafe 50s Diner.


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