Photo Hell

 

I think I dated her.

I know I dated her.

Chippendale Junior High.

I'm with you, kid.

 I wonder how they erected that.

Sharknado 5: The Wedding Reception.

It's almost time for those yellow pills in the little paper cups.

Just where is Waldo?

A Pepto Bismol family.

We need to stick together in the ocean.   Or so says the warden.

I hope the cops were there for this asshole five minutes after this snapshot was taken.

Most Likely To Be Beaten Up in Gym Class.

Dinner last night:   Grilled beef sausage.

Hollywood Then and Now - August 2026

 Ah, I know this intersection well as it's on my route to the Hollywood Bowl.   Well, the current portion is from a few years ago, but it still looks the same.   As a matter, it's obvious that the church on the left still exists intact.  In fact, it serves as an auxiliary parking lot for the Bowl.

Things change.   Things stay the same.

Dinner last night:  The pre-game buffet at the Dodger Stadium Club.

This Date in History - July 29

 

it's tough for me to ignore my favorite character from the Sopranos.  Here's to you, Tony "Paulie Walnuts" Sirico on your heavenly birthday.

238:  THE PRAETORIAN GUARD STORM THE PALACE AND CAPTURE PUPIENUS AND BALBINUS.  THEY ARE DRAGGED THROUGH THE STREETS OF ROME AND EXECUTED.  ON THE SAME DAY, GORDIAN III, AGE 13, IS PROCLAIMED EMPEROR.

Talk about a nice bar mitzvah present.  Here's your present...Rome.

615:  PAKAL ASCENDS THE THRONE OF PALENQUE AT THE AGE OF 12.

What's with all these rulers with acne?

904:  SACK OF THESSALONICA - SARACEN RAIDERS UNDER LEO OF TRIPOLI SACK THESSALONIKI AFTER A SHORT SIEGE.

Leo of Tripoli must have had some defensive line.

1030:  BATTLE OF STIKLESTAD - KING OLAF II FIGHTS AND DIES TRYING TO REGAIN HIS NORWEGIAN THRONE FROM THE DANES.

Victor Borge would be proud.

1565:  THE WIDOWED MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTS, MARRIES HENRY STUART AT HOLYROOD PALACE IN SCOTLAND.

If you read this fast, you think it's the Hollywood Palace.

1793:  JOHN GRAVES SIMCOE DECIDES TO BUILD A FORT AND SETTLEMENT AT TORONTO.

Did Simcoe also have a shoe store?

1836:  INAUGURATION OF THE ARC DE TRIOMPHE IN PARIS.

Good.  Now they have something to put on postcards.

1848:  TIPPERARY REVOLT - IN IRELAND, AN UNSUCCESSFUL NATIONALIST REVOLT AGAINST BRITISH RULE IS PUT DOWN BY POLICE.

It's a long way to...

1864:  AMERICAN CIVIL WAR - CONFEDERATE SPY BELLE BOYD IS ARRESTED BY UNION TROOPS AND DETAINED AT THE OLD CAPITOL PRISON IN WASHINGTON, DC.

The Belle of the Jail.

1890:  PAINTER VINCENT VAN GOGH DIES.

Lust for Death.

1892:  ACTOR WILLIAM POWELL IS BORN.

The Thin Man.

1899:  THE FIRST HAGUE CONVENTION IS SIGNED.

Wait for the second one.  They'll have all the kinks worked out.

1905:  ACTRESS CLARA BOW IS BORN.

She was a hottie back in the day.

1905:  DIPLOMAT DAG HAMMARSKJOLD IS BORN.

Now there's a name that defies forgery.

1914:  THE CAPE COD CANAL OPENS.

Not exactly the one in Panama.

1914:  COMEDIAN PROFESSOR IRWIN COREY IS BORN.

He lived to 103.  That's 791 in dog years.

1921:  ADOLF HITLER BECOMES LEADER OF THE NATIONAL SOCIALIST GERMAN WORKERS PARTY.

Uh oh.

1933:  WRESTLER LOU ALBANO IS BORN.

He also was a cab driver in my hometown of Mount Vernon, NY and had his name painted on the side of the vehicle.

1942:  ACTOR TONY SIRICO IS BORN.

Seriously, he steals every scene he's in with the Sopranos.

1945:  THE BBC LIGHT PROGRAMME STATION IS LAUNCHED.

Fewer calories than the regular BBC.

1948:  AFTER A HIATUS OF 12 YEARS CAUSED BY WORLD WAR II, THE FIRST SUMMER OLYMPICS TO BE HELD SINCE 1936 OPEN IN LONDON.

That Hitler was such a buzzkill.

1958:  US PRESIDENT DWIGHT EISENHOWER SIGNS INTO LAW THE NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ACT, WHICH CREATES NASA.

Space.  The Next Frontier.

1959:  THE FIRST US CONGRESS ELECTIONS IN HAWAII AS A STATE OF THE UNION.

Vote 'em, Dan-o.

1967:  DURING THE FOURTH DAY OF CELEBRATING ITS 400TH ANNIVERSARY, THE CITY OF CARACAS, VENEZUELA IS SHAKEN BY AN EARTHQUAKE, LEAVING APPROXIMATELY 500 DEAD.

The perfect symmetry would have been 400 dead.

1974:  SINGER CASS ELLIOT DIES.

Should have had soup instead of a sandwich.

1976:  IN NEW YORK CITY, DAVID BERKOWITZ, AKA THE SON OF SAM, KILLS ONE AND WOUNDS ANOTHER IN THE FIRST OF HIS ATTACKS.

A dog told him to do it.  Seriously.

1979:  PRODUCER BILL TODMAN DIES.

He no longer has a secret.

1981:  ON TELEVISION, OVER 700 MILLION PEOPLE WATCH THE WEDDING OF PRINCE CHARLES AND LADY DIANA SPENCER IN LONDON.

She didn't mind the photographers that day.

1981:  URBAN PLANNER ROBERT MOSES DIES.

The real reason the Dodgers moved out of Brooklyn.

1982:  ACTOR HAROLD SAKATA DIES.

Oddjob!

1983:  ACTOR RAYMOND MASSEY DIES.

Paging Dr. Kildare.

1983:  ACTOR DAVID NIVEN DIES.

Separate Coffins.

1987:  BRITISH PRIME MINISTER MARGARET THATCHER AND PRESIDENT OF FRANCE FRANCOIS MITTERRAND SIGN THE AGREEMENT TO BUILD A TUNNEL UNDER THE ENGLISH CHANNEL.

I'd hate to get stuck down there.

1996:  THE CHILD PROTECTION PORTION OF THE COMMUNICATIONS DECENCY ACT IS STRUCK DOWN BY A US FEDERAL COURT AS TOO BROAD.

Yeah?  Have you seen what kids are writing on the internet these days?

1998:  CHOREOGRAPHER JEROME ROBBINS DIES.

Sharks 0, Jets 0.

2005:  ASTRONOMERS ANNOUNCE THEIR DISCOVERY OF THE DWARF PLANET ERIS.

Eris tu?

Dinner last night:  Bacon and tomato sandwich.

And That's A Career

 

It seems like just yesterday that Howard Stern was one of the most listened-to radio voices in the medium.   So many big laughs.  So many wonderful bits.  So many insightful interviews.

Back when he was rounding up his huge audience totals in the 90s, I was a big fan.   So were most of the people in the NY office I worked in.  No matter where you were in the building, Howard and company were on.

When I moved to LA in the late 90s, I listened to him a little less.   But I can't help but remember how unbelievably moving he was on the air as he was on the air watching the carnage of 9/11.  You could hear his voice crack as he watched the first tower collapse in a round of rubble.

Indeed, that may have been Howard's last hurrah and moment of relevance.   In some respects, his popularity was already eroding with his core audience.  

Frequently, back in the day, Howard used his air time to turn his family into comedic characters in his world.  Lots of jokes and/or arguments with his wife and parents.   It's a way of life that many of his most fervent listeners could identify with.   You see, that audience segment was your typical blue collar guy.

But, then, Howard and his wife split up.  In short order, Howard hooked up with a younger woman who was a model and probably way too hot for him.   I think that subsequent marriage created a bit of a disconnect with Vinny the plumber in the Bronx.  

Then he took a mega deal to move his show to Sirius/XM which meant that Vinny had to pay to keep up with Howard and the gang.   

Disconnect #2.

Over the last fifteen years or so, Howard strayed more and more away from the weekday time slot as he began to work shorter and shorter weeks.  That would result in less people getting into the daily Howard habit.   Vinny's son never followed him as his dad did.

But the final and somewhat fatal blow came in the last six or so years.  You see, Howard's discussions would get more and more political in nature and he clearly had moved to a more liberal POV.   The last straw was one tirade where he announced that anybody in his audience who voted for Trump was stupid.

I have a sense that this really turned away Vinny the plumber for good.

Howard has moved to a point where he is no longer sought after or relevant.  As a matter of fact, I hear he is down to one or two shows a week.   At satellite radio prices.

I'll always remember the 90s where Howard was unmatched.   So will Vinny and a lot of other listeners that Howard has now permanently disenfrenchised.

Dinner last night:  Leftover salad.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - July 27, 2026

 The name of the video says it all.

Dinner last night:  Leftover salad.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Every Summer Like Clockwork

 

Yeah, that's me.  The knees look shot already.

Summertime.   Every year at this time.

I remember my days as a kid.   For most of the summer, I never left the neighborhood and, luckily, neither did my friends.   We developed our standard routine of playing baseball in the lot till it was too dark at night and then we waited for Coot, the Good Humor Man.   Then we would sit on somebody's front stoop and yakked it up until it was time for me to curl up next to the fan with a good book.

Yep, that was my summer.   But there was always that two weeks.

It was annual clockwork. My dad would take his two weeks of vacation every year at the same time. The last week of July and the first week of August. Smack in the middle of the summer. And this would be the time we would pack ourselves into a car and travel someplace. Loaded down with juice and lots of plums and peaches for the road. And usually Colorforms to keep me occupied. I couldn't bring comic books along to read in the car. I did that once. The decoration I upchucked onto the side of Dad's green Buick wasn't exactly Jackson Pollock.

We only went as far as a one-day drive could take us. Perhaps a long one-day drive, but one day nevertheless. So, essentially, our radius was about 300 to 400 miles. No more. No less. As a matter of fact, I never flew on an airplane until I got to college. I think about this every time I see some five-year-old throwing Cheerios around on one of my cross country flights.

Ideally, my folks and I would travel with another family. Another mom and dad to give my parents somebody to gossip with and perhaps another kid or two that I could hang with. There were a few times where we went solo and those trips tended to drag. After 50 weeks together as a family unit, we needed a break from each other as well. Invariably, though, there would be some point in the vacation with another family that something would happen. A sour word exchanged. A nasty look shared. And then the edict would come from Mom.

"Stay away from THEM."

I remember a bunch of these destinations. 

Lake George, New York, was popular. They had a couple of Disney-like theme parks. Storyland where you walked around some nursery rhyme settings and then fed the wandering animals. 

There was another gimmick called the North Pole and it was always odd to visit there in the sweltering July humidity. You got to meet elves and the complete Santa Claus clan. I was always curious why Mrs. Claus never had any kids. My mom would tell me that all the little workers were all the children they needed. I guess I was too young for the real explanation, which was readily apparent when you toured their house. Santa and the missus were sleeping in separate rooms.

The longest trip we ever made was to Niagara Falls, New York. All day in the car. Extra peaches and plums. Sheer boredom. But the view of the falls was worth it, especially when a wave knocked me clear across the Maid of the Mist. 

In those days, my father was an amateur photographer and loved taking slides with his Argus Technicolor camera. I remember when these particular slides came back from the developer. Somehow, two got superimposed over each other and the Maid of the Mist was poised right on top of the Horseshoe Falls. Was the Fotomat guy fooling around or was it an accident? We'll never know.

I'll always remember Niagara Falls for the huge case of food poisoning I must have got. All I can recall is lying on a hotel bed with alcohol soaked washcloths all over me. There was a visit from a doctor. I think I was there for about two days. At one point, I was visited by Vivian Vance in a nurse's outfit. Sheer delirium without a drop of liquor.

One summer after I had become a baseball fan, our familial trip trooped up to Cooperstown and the Baseball Hall of Fame. A great, great excursion for me. But, the little hamlet in upstate New York features few hotels and even fewer with air conditioning. One of my mom's pre-requisites for summer fun was the ability to go someplace and sleep in an air conditioned room. Without the cooling at night, my mom was even less impressed with Mickey Mantle's uniform pants displayed during the day.

Atlantic City, in its pre-casino days, was another popular destination over a few summers. The Boardwalk. The Million Dollar Pier. Salt water taffy. The Steel Pier where the Diving Horse worked and where I shook hands with Paul Anka after a performance. I was probably seven years old and already taller than he was. Another year, we saw the Lennon Sisters. Anything connected to the Lawrence Welk Show bored me shitless. I fell sound asleep in the aisle of the theater.

No trip to Atlantic City was complete without a visit to Zaberer's Restaurant. This place was such a big deal that you kept seeing the signs all along the road to Atlantic City.

"Ten miles to Zaberer's."

"Five miles to Zaberer's."

"Zaberer's right around the bend!"

Sort of like when the Ricardos and the Mertzes were driving west and looking for Aunt Martha's Pecan Pralines.

This was a total dress-up eating event and probably the biggest meal we had all year. You made reservations several days in advance and still waited an hour in the lounge for your table and the ultimate heart-stopping slab of prime rib. The big draw in the waiting room was a color TV, back in the days when nobody had one that worked correctly. At Zaberer's, Mitch Miller's beard was not purple.

On one Atlantic City trip, there was such a rift with THEM that my folks and I hightailed it out of there. Up the road to Asbury Park. Where there was nothing to do. And we stared at each other for what seemed to be an eternity. I ran to a bench and buried myself in the library books I had packed for the trip.

It was the last time we ever traveled anywhere as a family.

I was happy to go home and stand in the sandlot with my buddies again.

Dinner last night:   Sicilian potato salad.

Classic Movie Trailer of the Month - July 2026

 This movie was playing at Radio City Music Hall sixty years ago this month.

Dinner last night:  Grilled beef sausage.

Fun With AI

 I was in a discussion with a friend of mine and we were talking about 70s sitcoms.  He asked me. if there was a Mount Rushmore with 70s TV icons, who I would etch up there in stone.

And these days, with AI, everything becomes visual.

So who would you select?

Dinner last night:  Salisbury steak.

Go Figure

 

I must make a confession.   I am a snob when it comes to theatrical productions.  Since I became a denizen of the Great White Way, I've seen the best of shows and the worst of shows and all other productions in between.

For me, it's Broadway or bust.  And now residing in Los Angeles, I have opened the ground rules to include the Ahmanson Theater and the Pantages.   

So, it was simply my desire to see good friends Leo and Connie that resulted in me accepting their invitation to see local community theater.   Some theater company called the Aerospace Players south of LAX was putting on a production of "Shrek the Musical," a show I originally saw on Broadway and the contents of which had barely remained with me.   For a musical, the songs were not memorable and the show was overly laden with special effects.

But I had a curiosity.   And besides live theater is...well...live theater.   There is nothing better than that energy connection of an audience and some live actors.

What I ended up seeing was astounding.   Oh, the content of the musical itself is mediocre whether it be on Broadway or just around the corner from Redondo Beach.   But the production itself was amazing, especially for a show that is largely populated with non-actors.

The sets were terrific.   The orchestra didn't miss a note.   The special effects featuring a large dragon puppet were Tony-worthy.  Oh, there were several moments where you could see tech people on stage.   But, otherwise, this was the west coast version of the Winter Garden.

Who knew?

I counted perhaps 200 people in the audience on a Saturday night.   Applying the ticket price of $24 to the head count told me that, once they paid for the play rights, nobody in this theater company was making a nickel.  Yet, there they were on stage staging and acting their hearts out.

Now, one of my favorite things to do post-theater is to devour the cast bios in the Playbill.  For this show, I couldn't wait to see who had performed for me.  In my next jaw dropping, I realized that 98 percent of the production were not...as it were...professionals.   Most of the credits listed told me that a lot of these folks were employed in...wait for it...the aerospace industry.   

This was clearly Mickey and Judy putting on a show in the basement.   It was a family affair.   The last name of the Shrek director was attached to about five other people on or back stage.

It was an eye opener for me.   But maybe it shouldn't be.   I made a declaration that I would gladly see other productions that are put on by a community outside of Manhattan.

As the title of the blog announces...go figure!

Dinner last night:  Cheese and crackers.

This Date in History - July 22

 

July 22.  What was Alex Trebek's birthday?  

838:  THE BYZANTINE EMPEROR THEOPHILOS SUFFERS A HEAVY DEFEAT BY THE ABBASIDS.

Abbasid sounds like an antacid.

1099:  GODFREY OF BOUILLON IS ELECTED THE FIRST DEFENDER OF THE HOLY SEPULCHRE OF THE KINGDOM OF JERUSALEM.

He's in the soup now.

1456:  JOHN HUNYADI, REGENT OF THE KINGDOM OF HUNGARY, DEFEATS MEHMET II OF THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE.

I looked fast and thought that said Hyundai.

1499:  THE SWISS DECISIVELY DEFEAT THE IMPERIAL ARMY OF EMPEROR MAXIMILIAN I.

Now the Swiss stay out of everything.

1686:  ALBANY, NEW YORK IS FORMALLY CHARTERED AS A MUNICIPALITY.

Because the state needs a capital.

1793:  ALEXANDER MACKENZIE REACHES THE PACIFIC OCEAN BECOMING THE FIRST RECORDED HUMAN TO COMPLETE A TRANSCONTINENTAL CROSSING OF CANADA.

Smart to do this in the month of July.

1797:  DURING THE BATTLE OF SANTA CRUZ DE TENERIFE, REAR-ADMIRAL NELSON IS WOUNDED IN THE ARM AND IT IS PARTIALLY AMPUTATED.

A little more serious than Tommy John surgery.

1812:  BATTLE OF SALAMANCA - BRITISH FORCES DEFEAT FRENCH TROOPS.  

Any loss suffered by France is okay by moi.

1864:  OUTSIDE ATLANTA, GEORGIA, CONFEDERATE GENERAL JOHN BELL HOOD LEADS AN UNSUCCESSFUL ATTACK ON UNION TROOPS.

Those cotton bolls are started to get rotten.

1908:  AUTHOR AMY VANDERBILT IS BORN.

The spoon goes on the right.

1916:  IN SAN FRANCISCO, A BOMB EXPLODES ON MARKET STREET DURING A PREPAREDNESS DAY PARADE.

Well, at least, they were prepared.

1923:  POLITICIAN BOB DOLE IS BORN.

Tell me again why your hand is like that.

1923:  WRESTLER THE FABULOUS MOOLAH IS BORN.

My grandmother always thought she was a dirty girl.

1928:  ACTOR ORSON BEAN IS BORN.

To tell the truth.

1933:  WILEY POST BECOMES THE FIRST PERSON TO FLY SOLO AROUND THE WORLD IN SEVEN PLUS DAYS.

Will Rogers wants to go next time.

1934:  OUTSIDE CHICAGO'S BIOGRAPH THEATER, PUBLIC ENEMY #1 JOHN DILLINGER IS SHOT AND KILLED BY FBI AGENTS.

These days, Public Enemies are what we call politicians.

1937:  THE US SENATE VOTES DOWN PRESIDENT FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT'S PROPOSAL TO ADD MORE JUSTICES TO THE SUPREME COURT OF THE US.

Just what we need...more clowns in black robes.

1940:  TV HOST ALEX TREBEK IS BORN.

I'll take July Birthdays for 600, Alex.

1942:  THE US GOVERNMENT BEGINS COMPULSORY CIVILIAN GAS RATIONING DUE TO WWII.

Hopefully, this is a one-time-only event.   Yeah, right.

1942:  THE SYSTEMATIC DEPORTATION OF JEWS FROM THE WARSAW GHETTO BEGINS.

As if such a dastardly act could be systematic.

1947:  ACTOR/COMIC ALBERT BROOKS IS BORN.

Doesn't get as much credit for his genius as he should.

1951:  DEZIK AND GYPSY ARE THE FIRST DOGS TO MAKE A SUB-ORBITAL FLIGHT.  

As opposed to one of those Russian female cosmonauts who was also a dog.

1967:  POET CARL SANDBURG DIES.

Now that all my work has been read, it's time for me to be dead.

1976:  JAPAN COMPLETES ITS LAST REPARATION TO THE PHILLIPPINES FOR WAR CRIMES DURING WWII.

They should did take the slow payment plan.

1991:  JEFFREY DAHMER IS ARRESTED IN MILWAUKEE AFTER POLICE DISCOVER HUMAN REMAINS IN HIS APARTMENT.

Spleen?  What spleen?

1992:  NEAR MEDELLIN, COLOMBIAN DRUG LORD PABLO ESCOBAR ESCAPES FROM HIS LUXURY PRISON FEARING EXTRADITION TO THE US.

Luxury prison????

2008:  ACTRESS ESTELLE GETTY DIES.

Sheer brilliance on the Golden Girls.

2013:  ACTOR DENNIS FARINA DIES.

The actor, not the Little Rascal.

2025:  MUSICIAN OZZY OSBOURNE DIES.

Must have been a bad rat.

2025:  MUSICIAN CHUCK MANGIONE DIES.

Feels so bad.

Dinner last night:   Salad.

Water, Water Everywhere

 

With not a drop to spare.   Or however that little rhyme goes.

You may have seen this on the news.   A major part of West Hollywood became a Six Flags water slide as a result of a water main pipe breaking.   It was over 100 years old and my guess is that's it had no attention or upgrading in the last 50 years.

Sure, money has been allocated for just this maintenance but I am sure the water dollars simply flowed into the pockets of the scummy politicians that always seem to be running this city and state.  And they said there was no water to fight last year's devastating fires.  Well, it's there.   It's just that morons like Governor Newsdum and Mayor Bass As In Ass didn't know where to look for it.

Well, here's a hint now.  You can find plenty of H2O in a variety of places.

Small businesses.

Apartment garages.

Sinkholes on major roads.

Peoples' living rooms.

One more time.   If you live in California and ever again pull a lever for this current contingent of assholes in charge, I hope your belongings float away into the ocean.

Dinner last night:  Leftover flank steak.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - July 20, 2026

 The water's fine?

Dinner last night:  Flank steak and pan roasted cherry tomatoes in balsamic glaze.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - A Twisted Summer

 

I love pretzels.  I have since I was a kid.  With all the snack choices possible, pretzels are my absolute "go-to."

Back when I was a tyke, it was those Mister Salty boxes that captivated me.   I used to dunk them in milk.   I'm not sure that's the ideal destination for a pretzel but it was for me.  I'd eat some pretzels and drink some milk right before bedtime.  I'd dream then of more salt-covered twists dripping with milk.

As I got older, I would branch out beyond the tried-and-true Nabisco brand.  For the longest time, I eventually settled on the Snyder variety of large sour dough pretzels.   The key with me is the crispier and more brown, the better.  I'm not one who relishes the pretzels sold on the streets of Manhattan.  Those big doughy twists that lay in your stomach for days.  No dice.   If I'm going to bite into a pretzel, I need to hear the snap and the crunch that result in a plethora of crumbs cascading down my shirt.

Snyder's fit the bill for me all these years.   When I moved to the left coast, I was delighted to see that Snyder's had distribution here.   But I made a noteworthy discovery.   In Los Angeles, these damn things tasted different.  Snyder's, like all good pretzels, were manufactured in Pennsylvania.  But were the Los Angeles editions actually produced here using different water in the mixture?  Something made it taste a little different and, sadly, not as good. 

I'd go back to New York and buy the same Snyder's Pretzels and enjoy them like they were brand new.  Yes, the east coast version was better than the west coast.  For all of the annoyances we all have in our individual lives, this was one of my biggest.  I was so confounded by it all that I actually wrote to the folks at Snyder's Pretzels to find out why there was such a disparity in flavor.  They essentially told me that there was no difference and, oh, by the way, here's a couple of coupons for my next purchase.

So, I kept buying Snyder's Pretzels in Los Angeles but enjoyed them a little less.  Like a married couple that was feuding but never got divorced.  I was still a pretzel fiend but missing the glory of a really, really good one.

So, one day, I was buying some toiletries in Bed, Bath, and Beyond and I noticed that this chain was now including in its store a grocery section stocked by the Cost Plus World Market chain.  Cost Plus offers you a wide variety of food products, but none of them have name brands.  I wandered past the snack section and noticed the bag of pretzels you see adorning today's blog.  I was vapid enough to fall in love with its look immediately.  Toasted brown.  Almost burnt.  Pennsylvania Dutch pretzels from some outfit called Uncle Jerry's in Pennsylvania.   I peered inside the clear bag.   These pretzels were loaded with tons of salt.   I was intrigued.  A bag came home with me.

That night, it was unusually hot and humid in Los Angeles.  I sat in the living room with the fan blowing on me.  With the Dodger game on TV and a frosty glass of diet root beer at my side, I decided to try these newfangled pretzels.

One.  Then two.  Then three.  Before I knew it, half the bag was gone.

It was sensory perception all over again.  I was suddenly a kid again.  Having a wonderful summer night's snack.  Baseball.  Ice cold soda.  An electric fan with its cool breezes.  And the best damn pretzel I have ever tasted in my life.  Crap.  How do I get more and now?

I first Googled this Uncle Jerry character and found the company website.  Indeed, it's some old guy who started his own pretzel company in Pennsylvania two decades ago. 

I mean, does this not look like the man who could bake the best freakin' pretzel ever??  According to the company history, his pretzels were voted Best in Philly and, heck, those people usually hate everything.  Thanks to Jerry's young daughter, Misty, the company dove big time into social media.   And, yes, I immediately "liked" them on Facebook.

More importantly, I needed more and fast.   I went back to the Cost Plus at BB and B.  They were gone.  Per the clerk, we get them in sometimes and then sometimes not.

I wanted to strangle her on the spot.  Instead, I went to three other Cost Plus markets.

"We've never heard of them."

Audible scream.  How does one of your stores sometimes have the product and others do not?   Aren't you a fucking chain?   Don't you people talk???  

It had been only a week, but I was already an Uncle Jerry's Pretzels addict.

I went back home to seek out help from the company website which was now one of my bookmarked sites on Mozilla Firefox.  Oh, look, Len, you can buy them on line.

I immediately started to load up my virtual shopping cart with the Extra Dark variety of these freakin' pieces of heaven.  Six pound boxes.  Hmmmm.  Will eighteen pounds last me into the fall? 

This was a great plan until I hit "shipping options."  There was only one.  UPS.   And, to get these blasted twists from Pennsylvania to Los Angeles, it was going to cost me thirty bucks.

Even junkies have their limits.   I needed to rethink.  Could I possibly get a job as a purchasing agent at the closest Cost Plus Market? 

But, wait.  In the top right corner of the website, there was a button.

STORE LOCATOR.

I clicked it immediately.  And promptly said a prayer that it wasn't going to point me to the three unhelpful Cost Plus Markets I had just visited.

Indeed, in Los Angeles, there was one single location.  The Farmshop gourmet store in Brentwood. 

I was there the next day and found my fix.  There were seven bags of the "stuff" on a counter.  I picked them all up and plopped them down on the checkout table. 

"Will there be anything else?"

No. 

"These pretzels sell fast.  Lots of people come in for them."

Oh, yeah, well, screw them.  I'm in the way now. 


This is just one of three bags I bought.  I now order them myself on-line.  Again.  And again.  And again.  

I have found my perfect pretzel.

Dinner last night:   Pizza.

Classic TV Theme Song of the Month - July 2026

Sixty years ago, this sitcom was getting set to premiere.  And Vin Scully was the announcer!

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

Summer Fun?

 

The happiest place on Earth.  Usually.

The Marc Chagall family on vacation.

"It's bad enough we walked to Chicago.  Can we at least get the bus home?"

Wow, South Dakota.  Gee, thanks, Mom and Dad.

I hate these people.

I went to Niagara Falls with my family.  We would never have posed for this picture.

Please close your windows during the jungle safari.

Look at what I brought home from the San Diego Zoo.

They're all set for a water landing.  Just in case this plane is from Malaysian Airlines.

There isn't enough Celebrex in the world for me to do this with my leg.

What was this family's destination?  A new theme park devoted to Ingmar Bergman?

"You told me we weren't gonna get wet!!!"

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.