Classic TV Commercial of the Month - September 2019

From 50 years ago....I guess Mountain Dew was a Pepsi product because look who's drinking it....

Dinner last night:  Broccoli salad.

The Mugs of September 2019

Backstory on this clown.  He got arrested in Barcelona, Spain for smuggling in some cocaine under his toupee.   Note the first photo.

 Let me guess.  He likes heavy metal.

 Because friends don't come with bail bonds.

 How long do you want us to hold it for you?

 Begging to differ.

 That is, if you are granting wishes to Big Bubba in the shower.

 Is the Pope aware of this?

 OMG.   They're arrested Johnny Depp...and he's defecting to Russia!

 The dog is better looking.

 Or maybe run faster.

 This is somebody's grandpa.

This man and his wife actually share brassieres.

Dinner last night:  Beef and pan roasted tomatoes in balsamic jam.

Morons of the Month - September 2019

This follows up on my posting the other day about all the homeless folks in California and the airborne diseases they are propagating.   What the hell is being done about this situation?

Well, nothing really.  Thanks to our September morons who just happen to be the major leadership here.   Like Governor Gavin Newsom above whose home city, San Francisco, is overrun with the homeless and their public waste and hypodermic needles.

It gets no better in the city of Los Angeles run by frat boy failure extraordinaire Eric Garcetti.  Ironically, if I had been doing this blog feature around 1996, his father Gil also might have been a Len Speaks Moron.  After all, he was the guy who ran the prosecution that completely fouled up the case against OJ Simpson.  Well, Garcetti Junior is no better.   There were tons of taxpayer dollars earmarked to help the homeless.   Nobody knows where the dough went.  But, at least, Eric got to have his photo taken with the former President.

Of course, one of the senators here is this bitch.  Kamala Harris, when she was legal enforcers of this state, totally messed up the judicial branch.   And, of course, she's from the San Francisco area which is a sanctuary city.   If you are one of the mindless stooges hoping she becomes our President, you deserve what you get.   She will fuck you over faster than she screwed Mayor Willie Brown thirty years ago.

No discussion about the plight of California would be complete without mentioning Nancy Pelosi.  Well, because...

And let's not forget this rancid bag of shit, Maxine Waters.   She's been in office for a hundred years and there's zero improvement in her district.

If you ask any one of these morons what the biggest challenge is in America, they will answer in two words.

"Donald Trump."

Really?  

Look no further than your own state which is a sterling example of what happens when one political party runs one state for way too long.

I've got the respiratory problems to prove it.

Dinner last night:  Cold salad plate.

This Date in History - September 4

Happy birthday, Mitzi Gaynor.  And she's still kicking.  Literally.

476: ROMULUS AUGUSTULUS, LAST EMPEROR OF THE WESTERN ROMAN EMPIRE, IS DEPOSED WHEN ODOACER PROCLAIMS HIMSELF "KING OF ITALY."

I thought the "king of Italy" was Marcello Mastroianni.

626:  LI SHIMIN, POSTHUMOUSLY KNOWN AS EMPEROR TAIZONG OF TANG, ASSUMES THE THRONE OVER THE TANG DYNASTY.

The Tang Dynasty, meh!  They should drink some real orange juice.

1666:  IN LONDON, ENGLAND, THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE DAMAGE FROM THE GREAT FIRE OCCURS.

Now that really is a great fire.

1781:  NEW CALEDONIA IS FIRST SIGHTED BY CAPTAIN JAMES COOK.  

Not to be mistaken with Old Caledonia.

1791:  LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA IS FOUNDED AS EL PUEBLO DE NUESTRA SENORA LA REINA DE LOS ANGELES DE PORCIUNCULA.

Which would be way too much to print on the front of the Dodgers' road jerseys.

1812:  DURING THE WAR OF 1812, THE SIEGE OF FORT HARRISON BEGINS WHEN THE FORT IS SET ON FIRE.

Well, that's how most sieges get started.

1862:  DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, GENERAL ROBERT E. LEE TAKES THE ARMY OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA INTO THE NORTH.

Yeah, that's going to work out just fine for you, Lee.

1886:  AFTER ALMOST 30 YEARS OF FIGHTING, APACHE LEADER GERONIMO SURRENDERS IN ARIZONA.

Heap big tired.

1888:  GEORGE EASTMAN REGISTERS THE TRADEMARK KODAK AND RECEIVES A PATENT FOR A CAMERA THAT USES ROLL FILM.

Remember those??

1918:  RADIO HOST PAUL HARVEY IS BORN.

And this will be the rest of the story.

1928:  ACTOR DICK YORK IS BORN.

The first and only legitimate Darren on "Bewitched."

1931:  ACTRESS MITZI GAYNOR IS BORN.

Younger than springtime.

1939:  A BRISTOL BLENHEIM IS THE FIRST BRITISH AIRCRAFT TO CROSS THE GERMAN COAST FOLLOWING THE DECLARATION OF WAR AND GERMAN SHIPS ARE BOMBED.

Cheerio and take that, you Nazi bastard.

1941:  A GERMAN SUBMARINE MAKES THE FIRST ATTACK AGAINST A US SHIP, THE USS GREER.

Come on, Yanks!  You just read what the English can do.

1949: THE PEEKSKILL, NY RACE RIOTS BEGIN AFTER A PAUL ROBESON CONCERT.

What happened?  Did he forget to sing "Ole Man River?"

1957:  DURING THE LITTLE ROCK CRISIS, ORVAL FAUBUS, GOVERNOR OF ARKANSAS, CALLS OUT THE NATIONAL GUARD TO PREVENT AFRICAN AMERICAN STUDENTS FROM ENROLLING IN A HIGH SCHOOL.

Did he not see what happened in Peekskill eight years prior??

1957:  THE FORD MOTOR COMPANY INTRODUCES THE EDSEL.

Let me know how this works out.

1968:  BASEBALL STAR MIKE PIAZZA IS BORN.

I had a lot of respect for him until he made those nasty comments about Vin Scully.

1972:  MARK SPITZ BECOMES THE FIRST COMPETITOR TO WIN SEVEN MEDALS AT A SINGLE OLYMPIC GAMES.

Nice record, Spitz.  But, wait.....did someone say Michael Phelps??

1986: BASEBALL STAR HANK GREENBERG DIES.

Just so you know, there was a Jewish baseball star before Sandy Koufax.

1991:  ACTOR/AUTHOR TOM TRYON DIES.

Also starred in a bunch of Disney crap during the early 60s.

1991:  COUNTRY SINGER DOTTIE WEST DIES.

Dottie goes South.

1993:  ACTOR HERVE VILLECHAIZE DIES.

Anybody got a cigar box we can use?

1998:  GOOGLE IS FOUNDED BY TWO STUDENTS AT STANFORD UNIVERSITY.

And I found that out...on Google.

2001:  RADIO PERSONALITY HANK THE ANGRY DWARF DIES.

Two midgets die on the same date.  Fascinating!

2006:  ANIMAL TV HOST STEVE IRWIN DIES.

Oh, look at the cool stingray.  Ouch.......

2014:  COMIC JOAN RIVERS DIES.

I miss her to this day.

2018:  ACTOR BILL DAILY DIES.

In an episode from "The Bob Newhart Show,"  he said that Bob would never die.  But Bill ultimately did.

Dinner last night:  Leftover beef and salad....a summer cold plate.

Something In The Air

Okay, this snapshot of LA smog is reminiscent of the jokes Johnny Carson used to make.   I've been here twenty two years and it has never been like this.   

That doesn't mean that the air is getting polluted nonetheless.  Follow me.

When I lived in NY the first part of my life, the wild weather extremes used to prompt at least six or seven sinus infections a year.   Besides the climate, office building never clean their heating and cooling vents.   Thus, I was under the weather largely for about a third of any given year.

I move to LA and things improve greatly.   I am proactive and do a nasal rinse every single morning.   As a result, my sinus ailments usually just show up perhaps once or twice a year.   And I can handle them better now with a top notch internist who actually returns my calls when I come down with one of these infections.   The treatment is usually the same.  Pop some Claritin-D like it's coming out of a Pez dispenser.  Regular Flonase squirts.  And probably an antibiotic.  

Mid-August, I headed into Sinusland with a real doozy this time.   One day, I was so screwed up that I laid down for a nap at 630PM and woke up at 3AM.  Woot woot.

I call my internist per usual and get the usual advice and prescriptions.   They do the trick but I am still not right.   I have a cough and a wheeze that makes me wonder just when I smoked those two packs of cigarettes yesterday.   Hmmmm, says the doctor.  He puts in on a steroid inhaler, which works a bit.

But I am now in my third week of hacking and I actually will make a face call at my doctor's tomorrow.   He tells me beforehand that he has been inundated with respiratory ailments for usually healthy people.

Something is in the air, he says.

I think about this and realize it's the purple elephant in the room.

You see, California and, in this case, Los Angeles are inundated with homeless folks.   Tent cities are popping up on virtually every block.   Nightly newscasts tell us that tuberculosis is around.  So is typhus.  There is human excrement all over the place.

All of this stuff has nowhere to go but up.   Into the atmosphere and the air we breathe.   

I'm going to broach this hypothesis with my doctor.   I know, however, that I am right.  

So LA smog?  Feh.   It's got nothing on what is really in that breathable air.  And this prompts the impetus for this month's Morons of the Month.   Come back Thursday to see how it all ties together.

Hack, hack, wheeze.

Dinner last night:  Super Dodger Dog at the game.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - September 2, 2019

Remember when every Labor Day was Jerry Lewis Day?   Well, it still is.

Dinner last night:  Beef tri-tip, macaroni salad with sun dried tomatoes, and marinated cucumbers.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Labor Day As I Remember It

Here's a photo of New York City's Labor Day Parade in 1882.  There was such a celebration?  Did people flock to it?  Was it covered by Bob Eubanks and Stephanie Edwards?

The fact that they were celebrating Labor Day at all is a mystery to me.  Unlike all the other holidays, what the heck was being commemorated with this day?  I remember asking the question of my mother.  Just what is Labor Day?  She went for a response that was definitely feminine-skewed.

"It honors all those pregnant women who have labor pains before giving birth."

Huh?   So, it's a day where women go into labor.

"I guess."

The logic escaped me.  How long could labor be?  I was born in February.

"You ask too many questions."

There I go again.

Now, the mere mention of the first Monday of September would send chills up and down a kid's spine.  After all, in many other subtle ways, we were lamenting the end of summer.

We'd notice that it was a little bit harder to see the ball in our nightly softball contest down at the local lot.

We'd discover that there was more of a chill in the air at night as we would sit on somebody's front stoop yakking up the day's events.

And, while the Good Humor truck was still showing up promptly at 8:47PM each evening, that strawberry sundae on a stick you had been eating in twilight was now being consumed in complete darkness.

It was all so ominous.

We were headed back to school.

And Labor Day was the last straw we had.  For me, school usually began the Wednesday or Thursday afterward.  I'd immediately pull down a calendar to find my first days off.  Since the Mount Vernon, New York public school system was jampacked with Jewish teachers, we'd always get Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur off.  Sometimes, these days would happen as soon as school started.  Bonus days of summer.  My only problem with this concept was that all my friends in the neighborhood went to Catholic school.  I'd have the days off but had little to do but watch the Hollywood Squares with my grandmother.

When Labor Day weekend rolled around, this meant another complete horror for yours truly.  The annual quest for new school clothes.  And I was dragged to Genung's Department Store on Fourth Avenue by my mother.

Now, my mom was always very fashion conscious.  When it came to herself.  But, the outfits she'd suggest for me were, well, odd.   Oh, I was always completely color-coordinated.  But, then again, so was Superfly.

Mom, don't you think this shirt is a little bright?

"Well, you'll be easier to find after school after they turn the clocks back."

I could be easily seen from down the block and perhaps even Venus.

As I got older, the annual Genung's battle got more heated as I began to assert more and more power into my own clothing choice.  No, I don't like cuffs.  No, I don't want to wear a clip-on bowtie.  And white belts are for country clubs in Ohio.

Eventually, Mom gave up.  As all mothers do.

One more signal to the end of summer would be the television commercials on Channel 5 Metromedia in New York heralding the arrival of...

The Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon for Muscular Dystrophy.

Back in the day, the Jerry Lewis Telethon was done in New York, as I'm not sure Las Vegas had been invented yet.  And we watched it for all the wrong reasons.  Not because we were devoted to the charity.  Nope, we tuned it because it had all the promise of horrible television with heavy doses of schmaltz blended in.

Would Jerry make his monetary goal as predicted by co-host Ed McMahon in between swigs of some Budweiser?   Could Jerry possibly get through 21 hours on the air without a nap?  Would he break down and sob during his closing number, the ridiculously inappropriate "You'll Never Walk Alone?" 

You knew that, every year, it would be a car crash.  You just had to tune in for the exact moment of impact.

We used to watch along and my mom viewed it all with disdain.  You see, she was no fan of Jerry Lewis.  When I was a kid, his movies dominated the local cinemas and we were his target age group.  My mother wanted nothing to do with taking me to see his latest trash.  That job usually fell to my dad, who would conventiently doze off one reel into "The Errand Boy."

But, then, one Labor Day, there was a miracle...

My mom had just started a job in downtown Manhattan at an accounting firm, which just happened to be the official auditors for Muscular Dystrophy.  One year, she was asked to be part of the accounting staff to work at the telethon.

When she came home, I craved for details.  It's so bad on the screen.  Just how awful is it backstage?

A curveball flew out of my mother's mouth.

"That Jerry Lewis is quite a guy."

Huh?

"He is so devoted to those children.  It's like they're part of his own family."

Say what?

"There's a secret reason why he does this telethon, but he will only tell everybody after there is a cure."

Okay, just what was flowing from those water fountains down at the TV studio?

My mother had been transformed into a Jerry Lewis zealot.  In subsequent years, she watched the telethon with a different fervor.  I couldn't watch it with her again.  Instead, I had to hide in my bedroom with it shining from my black and white portable television.  I could easily giggle with the door closed.

And, for me, Labor Day just never was the same after that.

Dinner last night:  Turkey sandwich at the Hollywood Bowl.