Your Weekend Movie Guide for August 2013

Do you miss drive-in theaters as much as I do?  I remember going all the time during the summer as a kid.  My folks used to frequent the one on Route 9A in Elmsford, New York.  We see, from time to time, venture down to the Whitestone as featured in the ad above.  Except with that venue's proximity to the Hutchinson River which smelled and was full of mosquitos, a night at the Whitestone was one for the insects and not the human patrons.  You would get eaten alive.

Of course, I'd still take the infested Whitestone Drive-In compared to all the current multiplexes and the blood-sucking crap they are currently offering.  You know the routine, gang.  I'll meander through the movie pages of the Los Angeles Times and give you my knee jerk gut reaction to the garbage being thrown at us by Hollywood.

And I wish all those Hollywood development types a screening room full of mosquitos.

2 Guns:  Denzel Washington, Marky Mark, and an action script that's already being produced two or three dozen other times.

Pacific Rim:  And we think illegal aliens are our biggest problem??

Blue Jasmine:  Reviewed here recently.  Don't remember?  Look at the side of this blog page and you can easily access it.  PS, I liked it.

The Act of Killing:  A documentary about Communism in Indonesia and I understand the images are truly harrowing.  Go on an empty stomach.

The Way, Way Back:  One of the best of the summer.  Already reviewed here.  See instructions next to "Blue Jasmine."

Twenty Feet from Stardom:  I never did review it here and I'm not sure why I didn't.  A documentary about back-up singers in Hollywood and it's fascinating.  Put it on your list.

Grown Ups 2:  Keep it off your list.

We're The Millers:  There's one funny moment in the trailer.  That's likely the only funny moment in the movie.  It's got about six or seven screenwriters listed.  Never a good sign.

The Wolverine:  Four scary words: action star Hugh Jackman.

The Smurfs 2:  Do you really think I.....?

Elysium:  The planet is on its last legs...again.  Jodie Foster, how far has your career fallen??

The Heat:  Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy in a buddy film.  Show of hands for all those who are absolutely sick of these two idiots.  Whoa!  I can;t count that fast.

I Give It a Year:  A comical look at the first year of a marriage.  I give the movie less than one weekend.  And I'm ashamed how easy that joke was.

Planes:  Each subsequent PIXAR release gets worse and worse.  I hear this aero version of Cars stinks.  I can actually remember when you anxiously waited for these movies to come out.  Now the creative minds at this company have clearly run out of petrol.

Despicable Me 2:  Didn't see the first one.  Won't see the second one.  Definitely will avoid the third and fourth ones.

Red 2:  Getting lazy here.   Didn't see the first one.  Won't see the second one.  Definitely will avoid the third and fourth ones.

Percy Jackson - Sea of Monsters:  Huh?  Who?  What?

In A World:  Reviewed earlier this week.  After the instructions listed above, you should be a blog expert by now.  PS, I enjoyed the movie.

The Conjuring: Nothing but "The Amityville Horror" with cheesy computer graphics.  That sentence may actually be an oxymoron.

The Spectacular Now:  I saw this but didn't review it.  Well done but a bit disturbing.  A teenage romance where the two kids have one thing in common: their love for whiskey in a flask.

Austenland:  A single woman is obsessed with Jane Eyre.  I've seen the trailer so many times that I think I already saw the movie.  And maybe I did.

Jobs:  A biography about Steve Jobs with Ashton Kutcher in the lead role.  Yes, you read that correctly.

Kick-Ass 2:  Was there really a Kick-Ass 1??

Glickman: A documentary about legendary NY sportscaster Marty Glickman.  Now this I will see.  Watch this blog for the review that is sure to come.  Once again, check the side of the screen.  Do I have to keep repeating myself? 

Lee Daniels' The Butler:  Why is it that Black directors like Daniels and Tyler Perry now insert their names into film titles?  Did you ever see that before?  "Steven Spielberg's Jaws."  "Billy Wilder's Some Like It Hot."  The answer is no.  Meanwhile, this is all about a longtime servant in the White House and the trailer was laughable.

Fruitvale Station:  This is one of those movies I saw mainly because the time was inconvenient and I needed to get out of the way of my housekeeper.  This is a blog review coming soon.  Please be patient.

Abandoned Mine:  School friends spend Halloween in an abandoned mine.  Hence the clever title.

Paranoia:  All about spying on co-workers.  Starring Harrison Ford, Gary Oldman, and maybe somebody named Snowden.

The Happy End:  Two young couples in NY, one White and one Black, have their lives intertwined.  New proposed title:  Bob and Carol and Ted and Quanisha.

When Comedy Went to School:  A dcoumentary about comics who got their start in the Catskills.  Restaurants there frequently had flies in their soups.

The United States of Autism:  This better be a documentary and not the latest comedy from Judd Apatow.

Ain't Them Bodies Saints:   The tale of an outlaw who escapes from prison and sets out across the Texas hills to reunite with his wife and the daughter he has never met.  Didn't John Wayne do this in 1954?

Cutie and the Boxer:  This candid New York love story explores the chaotic 40-year marriage of famed boxing painter Ushio Shinohara and his wife, Noriko. Anxious to shed her role as her overbearing husband's assistant, Noriko finds an identity of her own.  How do you say "zzzzzzz" in Japanese?

Blackfish:  A documentary about that Sea World killer whale which killed a trainer.   PS, that's why they're called "killer" whales.

Museum Hours:  When a Vienna museum guard befriends an enigmatic visitor, the grand Kunsthistorisches Art Museum becomes a mysterious crossroads which sparks explorations of their lives, the city, and the ways artworks reflect and shape the world.  How do you say "zzzzzzz" in Austrian?

Blood:  Thriller charting the moral collapse of a police family.  Again???

The Canyons:  When Christian, an LA trust-fund kid with casual ties to Hollywood, learns of a secret affair between Tara and the lead of his film project, Ryan, he spirals out of control, and his cruel mind games escalate into an act of bloody violence.  Sound interesting?  It stars Lindsay Lohan.  I thought so.

Turbo:  A cartoon about a snail who wants to win the Indy 500.  With or without Lindsay Lohan, don't bother.

Lovelace:  A biopic about porn star Linda Lovelace.  I'd see this.  Even with Lindsay Lohan.

Dinner last night:  Had a big late lunch so nothing really.