768: CARLOMAN I AND CHARLEMAGNE ARE CROWNED KINGS OF THE FRANKS.
And you thought that was Oscar Meyer.
1238: JAMES I OF ARAGON CONQUERS VALENCIA AND FOUNDS THE KINGDOM OF VALENCIA.
I hope he likes oranges.
1264: THE KINGDOM OF CASTILE CONQUERS THE CITY OF JEREZ THAT WAS UNDER MUSLIM OCCUPATION SINCE 711.
These days, what city isn't?
1446: THE HANGUL ALPHABET IS PUBLISHED IN KOREA.
Everybody's got a hangul.
1582: BECAUSE OF THE IMPLEMENTATION OF THE GREGORIAN CALENDAR, THIS DAY DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS YEAR IN ITALY, POLAN, PORTUGAL, AND SPAIN.
This would make a shambles of that birthday app on Facebook.
1604: SUPERNOVA 1604, THE MOST RECENT SUPERNOVA TO BE OBSERVED IN THE MILKY WAY.
Later put out in 1972 by Chevrolet.
1635: FOUNDER OF RHODE ISLAND ROGER WILLIAMS IS BANISHED FROM MASSACHUSETTS AS A RELIGIOUS DISSIDENT AFTER HE SPEAKS OUT AGAINST PUNISHMENTS OF RELIGIOUS OFFENSES.
So nothing much has changed in 2013.
1701: YALE UNIVERSITY IS FOUNDED.
Harvard needed somebody to play.
1760: DURING THE SEVEN YEARS WAR, RUSSIAN FORCES OCCUPY BERLIN.
How come WWII isn't called the Four Years War?
1812: DURING THE WAR OF 1812, AMERICAN FORCES CAPTURE TWO BRITISH SHIPS ON LAKE ERIE.
How the hell did they get that far???
1824: SLAEVERY IS ABOLISHED IN COSTA RICA.
So Costa Rica is ahead of the curve compared to the US???
1864: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, UNION CAVALRYMEN DEFEAT CONFEDERATE FORCES AT TOM'S BROOK, VIRGINIA.
Next stop: Tom's River in New Jersey.
1888: THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT OFFICIALLY OPENS TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC.
No sequestering on that date.
1903: DODGER OWNER WALTER O'MALLEY IS BORN.
Still hated in Brooklyn and unjustly so. If you lived in Brooklyn back then, you'd move to Los Angeles, too.
1919: IN THE BLACK SOX SCANDAL, THE CINCINNATI REDS WIN THE WORLD SERIES.
Pete Rose was betting then, too??
1936: GENERATORS AT BOULDER DAM (LATER HOOVER DAM) BEGIN TO GENERATE ELECTRICITY FOR LOS ANGELES, 266 MILES AWAY.
That's one long extension cord.
1940: DURING WWII'S BATTLE OF BRITAIN, ST. PAUL'S CATHEDRAL IN LONDON IS HIT BY A GERMAN BOMB.
Blimey!
1940: BEATLE JOHN LENNON IS BORN.
Imagine.
1940: BASEBALL STAR JOE PEPITONE IS BORN.
Who knows how to play "happy birthday" on a harmonica?
1945: PARADE IN NYC FOR FLEET ADMIRAL NIMITZ.
Anchors away!
1948: SINGER JACKSON BROWNE IS BORN.
The one day he wasn't running on empty.
1953: ACTOR JAMES FINLAYSON DIES.
The wonderful comic foil in all those Laurel and Hardy movies.
1966: DURING THE VIETNAM WAR, THE DIEN NIEN-PHUOC BINH MASSACRE TAKES PLACE.
Mother phuoc-er.
1967: PHYSICAL CULTURIST JOSEPH PILATES DIES.
Physical culturist is a nice way of saying "gym teacher."
1967: A DAY AFTER BEING CAPTURED, MARXIST REVOLUTIONARY CHE GUEVARA IS EXECUTED FOR ATTEMPTING TO INCITE A REVOLUTION IN BOLIVIA.
Don't cry for me, Bolivia.
1969: IN CHICAGO, THE US NATIONAL GUARD IS CALLED IN FOR CROWD CONTROL AS DEMONSTRATIONS CONTINUE AT THE TRIAL OF THE "CHICAGO EIGHT."
Bad year for the Windy City. First the Cubs choke and now this.
1970: THE KHMER REPUBLIC IS PROCLAIMED IN CAMBODIA.
Rouge.
1974: GERMAN BUSINESSMAN OSKAR SCHINDLER DIES.
This date was on my list.
1975: MUSICIAN SEAN LENNON IS BORN.
I guess real Beatle fans knew that he shared a birthday with his dad.
1978: FRENCH SONGWRITER JACQUES BREL DIES.
Not alive. Not well.
1980: POPE JOHN PAUL II SHAKES HAND WITH THE DALAI LAMA.
And promptly gets a squirt out of a bottle of hand sanitizer.
1980: PRINCESS CAROLINE OF MONACO DIVORCES PHILIPPE JUNOT.
Mon dieu!
1980: FIRST CONSUMER USE OF HOME BANKING BY COMPUTER.
Wait! My balance isn't right.
1986: THE MUSICAL 'THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA" HAS ITS FIRST PERFORMANCE IN LONDON.
The first of about a million.
1990: AN OFFICIAL NEWS AGENCY IN THE SOVIET UNION REPORTS THE LANDING OF A UFO.
And you thought all the assholes were in Arkansas.
1992: A METEORITE FRAGMENT LANDS IN THE DRIVEWAY OF A PEEKSKILL, NY DRIVEWAY AND DESTROYS A 1980 CHEVROLET MALIBU.
1-800-Geico.
1996: CRITIC WALTER KERR DIES.
Please don't eat the daisies on my grave.
2001: ACTRESS DAGMAR DIES.
About two people who read this will know who she is.
2005: ACTOR LOUIS NYE DIES.
Bye-o, Steverino.
2006: NORTH KOREA ALLEGEDLY TESTS ITS FIRST NUCLEAR DEVICE.
Bastards.
Dinner last night: Cottage pie.
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