The Sunday Memory Drawer - TV Crushes

Oh, how innocent.  Little Me consumed by something on television back in the day.   Or maybe it was...consumed by someone.  Hormones kicked in early.

Okay, this might be a creepy Sunday post given all the craziness around Harvey Weinstein and other dirty old men in Hollywood.   Trust me.  I have never touched.   But, even at an early age, I began to look.   And I was not alone.   The specifics of the following were actually the subject of a conversation my best childhood buddy Leo and I had on the way home from a Dodger game some weeks back.   I am happy to know he had his eyes pealed on some TV beauties, too.  But, here's mine.   Heart be still.

Angela Cartwright:   I didn't give her a second look from those Danny Thomas reruns when she played this annoying imp you wanted to push down an elevator shaft.  But then she hit puberty while apparently "lost in space" and, frankly, there was no gravity pull on some of her anatomical regions.  She got pretty hot in her teenage years, despite that she wore a space suit that looked like it was made from Reynold's Aluminum Wrap.  Unfortunately, she didn't have a long shelf life in my hormonal supermarket.  Because, around the same time she was modeling a one piece jump suit ideal for intergalactic exploration, I had already turned my attention to an older woman.

Barbara Feldon:  She constituted sexy in my limited grade school world.  While I thought she was incredibly cool, I probably had some deep-seeded arguments with myself.  Did I want her as a girlfriend?  Or a mother?  Girlfriend, mother.  Girlfriend, mother.  But, then again, even at that early age, I should have probably reasoned that my mother never laid down on a tiger skin rug and purred at the camera the way Barbara Feldon did on those TV cologne commercials.  And I defy any of my friends to tell me that their mothers were able to do the same.  Indeed, as I write this, I realize that this entire episode is my earliest ever example of "too much information."

Karen Valentine:   Oh, where have you gone?  She was absolutely precious on "Room 222" and "The Hollywood Squares."  She has gone the way of Cocoa Marsh and Remco Toys.  Allegedly, she does a lot of regional theater and now lives in Connecticut, but I've never equated that state with oblivion.  I actually got to do a phone interview with her while I was in college and I had to muster all my journalistic integrity to stop from asking her out right then and there.  Oh, yeah, her then-husband coming home was another buzz kill.

Bess Armstrong:  This actress from the 80s never really had a huge career.  Limited TV and film roles.   I think she still shows up every so often in a guest sport or as somebody's parent on a Lifetime movie.  But, if you want to really understand what I am talking about with regard to Bess, go check out the movie "The Four Seasons."  Focus on the segment where they are on the yacht in the Caribbean.  If you're a woman, ignore everything I just wrote.  Or maybe not.

Linda Kelsey:  A terrific actress from the Lou Grant TV show which I am currently binge watching on Hulu.  While Linda is certainly quite cute, she was my first Hollywood crush that was not completely based on looks.  Part of the magic for me was the character she played on the show.   A self-assured, talented, hard-working news reporter.  I was coming to grips that there was much more to the male-female relationship than physical attraction.  I was becoming sensitive to the notion that women could be more than just sex objects.  Of course, none of this made a shitload of difference in my personal life.   Linda moved to Minnesota a while ago and it might be one of the only positive things in that state.

Valerie Bertinelli:  This would have to be the very first blog post you ever read on this site not to know about my "history" with Valerie.  PS, there is no history except that I met her once and my friend botched up the photo opportunity.  But she has always melted my cheese, which is fitting these days since she has developed quite a brand for herself as a chef.   One of my deepest regrets in life is that she was running around Hollywood single for several years after her marriage with Van Halen went bust and I didn't do a single thing about it while I was living in the same town.  Kicking.  Myself.  Again.   These days, my desires for her are pretty simple.   I would love to be in her kitchen, chopping up a radish right next to her.   Boy, life has changed.

For whatever it was worth then or is worth now, I loved all these women.

And I hated all their husbands.

Dinner last night:  Beer bratwurst, sriracha bacon bites, and pickled beets.