This Date in History - September 7

 

Happy birthday, Marge Simpson.  Well, sort of...  Read on.

70:  A ROMAN ARMY UNDER TITUS OCCUPIES AND PLUNDERS JERUSALEM.

Obviously, Titus should have been called "Tight Ass."

1228:  HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR FREDERICK II LANDED IN ACRE, PALESTINE AND STARTED THE SIXTH CRUSADE, WHICH RESULTED IN A PEACEFUL RESTITUTION OF THE KINGDOM OF JERUSALEM.

So, the damage inflicted by Titus/Tight Ass was not permanent.

1652:  AROUND 15,000 HAN FARMERS AND MILITIA REBEL AGAINST DUTCH RULE ON TAIWAN.

Hmmm.  No Marge Simpson explanation here.

1776:  IN THE WORLD'S FIRST SUBMARINE ATTACK, THE AMERICAN "TURTLE" ATTEMPTS TO ATTACH A TIME BOMB TO THE HULL OF THE HMS "EAGLE" IN NEW YORK HARBOR.

Submarines in 1776?  Are you telling me that George Washington didn't necessarily have to make that crossing in a row boat?

1822:  DOM PEDRO I DECLARES BRAZIL INDEPENDENT FROM PORTUGAL ON THE SHORES OF THE IPIRANGA CREEK IN SAO PAOLO.

And....no Marge explanation here.

1860:  STEAMSHIP LADY ELGIN SINKS ON LAKE MICHIGAN, WITH THE LOSS OF AROUND 400 LIVES.

Around 400?  Okay, what does that mean?  399?  401?  History needs to be specific.

1860:  PAINTER GRANDMA MOSES IS BORN.

And doesn't die until 1961!

1876:  IN NORTHFIELD, MINNESOTA, JESSE JAMES AND THE JAMES-YOUNGER GANG ATTEMPT TO ROB THE TOWN'S BANK BUT ARE DRIVEN OFF BY ARMED CITIZENS.

Armed citizens?  I guess that it was a good idea back then.

1901:  THE BOXER REBELLION IN CHINA OFFICIALLY ENDS WITH THE SIGNING OF THE BOXER PROTOCOL.

What the hell is boxer protocol?  No hitting below the belt.

1907:  RMS LUSITANIA SETS SAIL ON HER MAIDEN VOYAGE FROM LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND TO NEW YORK CITY.

I'm just guessing, but I'm not thinking there's a long shelf life for this tub.

1909:  DIRECTOR ELIA KAZAN IS BORN.

He didn't die until 2003, so Grandma Moses is still the bigger winner in today's blog.

1911:  FRENCH POET GUILLAUME APOLLINAIRE IS ARRESTED AND PUT IN JAIL ON SUSPICION OF STEALING THE MONA LISA FROM THE LOUVRE.

It's not like you can hide it under your coat.

1921:  IN ATLANTIC CITY, NEW JERSEY, THE FIRST MISS AMERICA PAGEANT IS HELD.

Grandma Moses is already 61 years old, so she was not eligible.

1923:  ACTOR PETER LAWFORD IS BORN.

He didn't make it past the age 0f 61, which means Grandma Moses didn't drink or snort coke.

1926:  VOICEOVER ACTOR DON MESSICK IS BORN.

Cartoon voice actor.  He was Droopy!!!!!!!  Also, Boo Boo Bear, Astro, and Muttley. 

1936:  MUSICIAN BUDDY HOLLY IS BORN.

And that'll be the day that he was born.

1940:  THE WORLD WAR II BLITZ BEGINS AS NAZI GERMANY BEGINS TO RAIN BOMBS OVER LONDON.

I have a good friend who lived through this.  And you thought the upstairs neighbors were noisy?

1945:  JAPANESE FORCES ON WAKE ISLAND SURRENDER TO U.S. MARINES.

The Sayonara tour begins.

1950:  ACTRESS JULIE KAVNER IS BORN.

Here's your Marge Simpson explanation.  Huzzah.

1953:  NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV IS ELECTED FIRST SECRETARY OF THE COMMUNIST PARTY OF THE SOVIET UNION.

Well, we know he didn't get the job because of his good looks.

1963:  THE PRO FOOTBALL HALL OF FAME OPENS IN CANTON, OHIO.

Why do they always put these sports halls of fame in places that are so hard to get to?

1970:  BILL SHOEMAKER BECOMES THE WINNINGEST HORSE RACING JOCKEY OF ALL TIME.

Big deal.  He's still short.

1971:  ACTRESS SPRING BYINGTON DIES.

From December Bride to September Corpse.

1978:  ROCK MUSICIAN KEITH MOON OF THE WHO DIES.

How?  Where?  When?  Why?

1979:  ESPN MAKES ITS DEBUT.

And sports broadcasting begins its slow and painful descent to earth.

1982:  BASEBALL PLAYER KEN BOYER DIES.

Brother of Clete.  Son of Charles.

1986:  DESMOND TUTU BECOMES THE FIRST BLACK MAN TO LEAD THE ANGLICAN CHURCH IN SOUTH AFRICA.

If Shania Twain married him, she'd be Shania Twain Tutu.

1996:  HIP HOP STAR TUPAC SHAKUR IS SHOT AND KILLED IN LAS VEGAS.

Tupac spelling backwards is Kaput.

2003:  ROCK MUSICIAN WARREN ZEVON DIES.

Werewolves of London?  There, wolves of London.

2005:  THE FIRST PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION IS HELD IN EGYPT.

Yeah, that worked out long term.

2008:  THE US GOVERNMENT TAKES CONTROL OF THE TWO LARGEST MORTGAGE FINANCING COMPANIES IN AMERICA, FANNIE MAE AND FREDDIE MAC.

Ooops, there goes the economy.  Good news, though.  Jed Clampett still maintained control of Elly Mae.

2015:  ACTOR DICKIE MOORE DIES.

One of the last Little Rascals.

Dinner last night:  Cold salad plate.

The Hollywood Bowl Requires Hard Work

 

And I don't mean for the performers or musicians.   This glorious venue, in its 100th year, is winding down another electric summer.   Electric for everybody but those of us who are ADA-compliant.

The nightmares of Hollywood Bowl stacked parking are legend.   Then you would have the long walk up the hill to the entrance gate.  It got to be torturous for me.

But then I got my trusty blue ADA placard and, while it was still stacked parking, I got to bypass the long walk by parking up at the very top of the hill.  Pure nirvana.

And that's how it worked for several years.   I'd actually buy my reserved ADA space when I was purchasing my Bowl events for the summer.

Until last year.   I guess after a COVID-shut season, the Bowl got to spend some time and think about how next they could fuck their patrons.   Suddenly, I couldn't buy ADA parking in advance.  But if I got to the Bowl two hours or so before showtime, I wouldn't have a problem.

And in 2021, I really didn't.  The spaces were a little less optimum but I did get some privilege with my blue placard.

2022 was, however, much different.   Suddenly, regardless of your early arrival time, the top of the hill parking was not available.   We were shoved into another lot at the bottom of the hill.   Awaiting my arrival was a steep hill, several flights of stairs, and lots of parked cars to navigate.

To make matters worse, the stacked parking was so tight that, on one night, I couldn't even open my driver's side car door.   Handicapped and then prompted to do numerous contortions to get behind the wheel.

On my trip there last Saturday night, I was again directed to the lower lot.   But I decided to ask one of the neanderthals on staff why I had to park in another hemisphere given my ADA compliance.   Why about the top of the hill?

"Do you have a wheelchair?"

Oh!!!!!!  So there are varying degrees of handicapped.  I get it.

After climbing to the top of the hill with my walking stick, I peered into the parking area there.   Probably about five or six cars.

D'oh!

By the way, if you think I'm simply going to get this off my chest in my blog entry, you're mistaken.

On Tuesday, it will be..

Hello, Hollywood Bowl Accessibility Access office?

Dinner last night:  Steak at Yamashiro.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - September 5, 2022

A Labor Day tradition on this blog.   To remember Jerry Lewis on the holiday where he had his annual Muscular Dystrophy telethon.

Dinner last night:  The pre-game buffet at the Dodger Stadium Club.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Summer Barks for the Last Time

 

I've used this old, old photo of my childhood dog, Tuffy, before.  Sadly, it's the only snapshot I have of my beloved Beagle.  It's also the old picture I have of our hideously ancient kitchen.  But I digress...

Here in Los Angeles, kids have already gone back to school.  Two weeks before Labor Day and that would suck if I was still learning my reading and writing. Back in my hometown of Mount Vernon, New York, our first day back into the dungeon was always the Wednesday after Labor Day.   You dreaded that day like no other.

Of course, the telltale signs had creeped up for several weeks prior.  On TV, you'd see more and more commercials for the new Fall shows.  You'd notice that, at 8PM, it was darker today than it was yesterday.  And, on some days, there was a crispness in the summer air that was a portent of the fall.   Somebody up my neighborhood block would then be tempted to pull out the football for a game of touch in the street.

And, every year, as summer closed and school approached, I would start to have guilt feelings that I needed to purge quickly.  

Had I not played with my dog enough this summer?

I've written the tale here before of how Tuffy came into our household.  She was a birthday present to me when I turned eight years old.   Technically, she was my dog.  And I consumed much of her time in the early years.  There, of course, was the day that I wrote about here as well.   When she went into the vet's office for the surgery that would spay her.  I suffered the same pains and wound up in the nurse's office, convinced that my dog was going to die mid-operation.

For the first few years, Tuffy and I were inseparable.  But, then, as I got older, I was distracted by school, friends, and play.  Suddenly, my dog became our dog.

With both my parents working at night, it fell to my grandmother to be the guardian of Tuffy while everybody was out of the house.  Sure, my dad would take her out for a walk when he came home from work at midnight.  But, for the most part, Tuffy became the property of Grandma downstairs.  The dog would be down there most of the day, following my grandmother's daily schedule to a tee.

Lunch at 11AM.  Tuffy would wait by the table for scraps.  If the door between our part of the house and Grandma's was closed, Tuffy actually could turn the knob with her paws.  

While Grandma took her "beauty rest" from 1PM to 2PM, Tuffy did the same and stretched out on the area carpet between the living room and the dining room.  If it was particularly hot during the summer, she would opt for the cool linoleum floor underneath the dining room table.

At 4PM, Tuffy was back at Grandma's kitchen table as dinner was consumed.   She would always get to lick the plate or suck some stale bread soaked in whatever gravy or sauce had been consumed that day.  My grandmother would then go sit in the yard for a couple of hours.  Tuffy would be nearby, leashed to the railing of the backyard steps.

It was a simple summer life for the two of them.

Until the end of August when I would feel compelled to disrupt the routine.  I would suddenly realize that I would be separated soon from Tuffy.  And, after all, she was still my dog.  It was as if I needed in two late August weeks to reinforce that fact that I was still in charge.  And could see to my dog's every want and need.

Suddenly, I was the one walking her.  Almost all day long.  I would walk her ten blocks to the Fourth Avenue shopping district.  We would walk proudly to the 241st Street shopping district in the Bronx.  We'd walk to the Penn Central train station on Mount Vernon Avenue.  I was clearly overcompensating.  And, while probably not thrilled by the sudden spurt in activity, my dog never wavered in loyalty.  For those two weeks.

We'd play catch in the yard.  For hours at a time, we'd engage in a tug-of-war battle over an old sock.  I took care of all the brushing.  And, in one foolhardy attempt to really show my control, I tried to give her a bath in the yard.  The one who wound up soaked was me.

Then, almost instantly, I was back in school.  And Tuffy was undoubtedly delighted to go back to her normal, quiet routine.

When I went away to college, our time together became even less.  And, unlike those Augusts where I felt that I needed to exert my authority, I did even less with the dog.  It went from my dog to our dog to their dog.

Before I knew it, Tuffy had every ailment in the world.  She had somehow lasted to the age of eighteen.  But there was a tumor growing on her jaw and one August morning, she couldn't even stand.

Grandma was too upset to comprehend.  This was amazing since she was the one almost two decades before who had asked the question.

"What do you want to bring a dog in the house for?"

My dad was a bit in denial as well.  He must have enjoyed those midnight strolls more than he admitted.

It was up to me.  I made the call.  It was time.

On one last August day, Tuffy was my dog all over again.

Dinner last night:  Pepperoni pizza at the Hollywood Bowl.

Classic TV Ad of the Month - September 2022

Back when Bonanza was one of the only TV shows in color, it was a perfect place for Chevy to advertise their new 1964 trucks.

Dinner last night:  Pulled pork at Dodger Stadium.

The Labor Day Weekend Pain of an Arrest

 

"I am stuck on a Band-Aid.  And Band-Aid's stuck on me."

Let's have some real fun.  Who wants to take her to a tennis match and make her sit at center court?

 I don't think that's how you're supposed to use toilet paper?

 Advice to inmates who want to jump this guy.  Sneak up on his right side.

 Were they trying to bandage her nose or keep her from talking?

 Oh, my God!  They've arrested Christopher Walken!

...and they nailed Roseanne Barr at the same time!!!

Thrown in the slammer....and he's got mumps!

 Just one look at this guy and you know his IQ is around 50.

Shot in the head and he's still going.

 John the Baptist will tell you.  Those Jerusalem street fights are a bitch.

Rocky Raccoon.

Dinner last night:  Chicken tenders.

Moron of the Month - September 2022

 

First day of the month.   Another moron salute.   And trust me.  They don't come any dumber than this one.

White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre...a name which I think was a character in "Les Miserables."   A whore who died of syphilus?

I digress.

Ms. Jean-Pierre took over the job from the snarky but competent Jennifer Psaki who is headed for a job at MSNBC where all brainless political pundits wind up.  Now Psaki, as evil as she was, knew her job and did it well.  All White House Press Secretaries have one mission in life.   To make the lies their bosses tell seem plausible.

Out went Psaki.  In came Jean-Pierre.  And you would think that a person entrusted to deal with journalists on a daily basis would have some journalism in her background.

Um, no.   Except if you count political commentary on MSNBC as journalism.  Spoiler alert: it's not.

Karine Jean-Pierre is just another bureaucrat espousing an opinion.   But the really comedic aspect of her White House briefings is the fact that she has zero original thoughts in her head.   Indeed, the first couple of weeks in the job, she would answer questions by reading from a loose leaf binder.   Bob Hope was more ad lib on his Chrysler specials.   Given this talent, Jean-Pierre is going to knock them dead when she gets the inevitable hosting gig on SNL.

So there is a comedy quotient to these briefings that is off the chart.  A person whose role is to disseminate information even though she has none.  But, all giggles aside, there is something inherently insulting about Karine Jean-Pierre in this job.   You see, qualifications were not involved in getting her job.   

On her very first day, Jean-Pierre's first announcement was this.   She was incredibly honored to get this job.   As a Black lesbian.

Oh.

Two boxes checked.   If she limped, she'd be a hat trick.   All Karine could talk about was how she, as a Black lesbian, crashed through the glass ceiling.  Indeed, she hit it so hard that I bet paramedics needed to be called.

A woman with the right skin color and the right gender and the right sexual preference at the right time.

So what if she's as dumb as a doorknob?

Dinner last night:  Salad.