Diamond Dust

In the immortal style of the old baseball tidbits in the New York Daily News, there's some of my mental sprinkles swept up during some games I have watched over the past few weeks.

...You've heard of Bat Day and Cap Night and Oldtimers Day. As the photo above illustrates, welcome to Yoga Day. Yep, that's Dodger outfielder Andre Ethier leading a bunch of fans in some mind-altering stretches. Trying to bring the peace and serenity into your ballpark experience. As for me, I want to yell and scream and tell that first base umpire to get his head out of his ass. Namaste.

...Well, the baseball trading deadline has come and gone with coverage that rivaled 9/11 after the second plane hit. What team was a winner? What team was a loser? Is anybody dumb enough to listen to Fox Sports' Ken Rosenthal? It is insane. All the focus on the "one player" that can guarantee a World Series. Here's the reminder for all. Baseball is a team sport. No one player guarantees anything.

...The Dodgers, despite having the best record in baseball thus far this season, are viewed as a flawed post season team. They don't have that one dominant pitching ace teams fear with shock and awe. That might be the case, but, once again, here's the reminder for all. Every baseball team has a pitching STAFF. No one pitcher guarantees anything.

...At the same time, I still wish the Dodgers had Roy Halladay.

...But they do have Clayton Kershaw, who has grown up overnight, and Chad Billingsley. The latter has just gone through a rough month, and Dodger fans are lighting brooms and ready to put his head on a stick. Hello? The ERA is still under 4.00. Everybody has a bad month now and then. The biggest problem the kid has is that he might think too much on the mound. On the flip side, he didn't think enough during the offseason when he broke his leg after walking in the Pennsylvania snow and ice wearing flip flops.

...Vin Scully has announced his retirement from the broadcast booth after the 2010 season, so next year will be a virtual farewell victory tour for him. It will be sad days indeed.

...And even sadder for the poor schmuck who will be asked to replace him. I can tell you that it's not their current road TV announcer, Eric Collins. He's been hit in the head incredibly hard with the "Complete Book of Cliches." Every batter is "grabbing a bat" and "heading to the dish." Every pitcher is on "the bump." Every viewer wants to grab a knife.

...It could be a lot worse. We could be getting ESPN's announcers on a steady diet. Jon Miller, whose stomach is only third in size to his head and his ego, is unlistenable. Joe Morgan spends fifteen minutes trying to rationalize why the bases are white. And now, they have former Met GM mess Steve Phillips who could make things a whole lot more interesting if he gave some commentary about fucking that secretary who used to work for him.

...Everytime you see a national telecast from St. Louis, the announcers beat you over the head over how great the Cardinal fans are. They are so smart, appreciate baseball, and never boo. Well, last week, they booed Manny Ramirez every time up. Okay, perhaps, they were reacting to the steroid allegations.

...Hmm, this super intelligent bunch of fans has a damn lousy memory. It was only 11 years ago when they were cheering their own lab rat, that big lummox Mark McGwire, who was drinking steroid smoothies. And, how about the double standard of the spaghetti bending Cardinal manager Tony LoRussa, who has tons of coverups on his own? As the drunken Mel Allen would say, 'Cardinal fans, how about that? Hiccup."

...Speaking more on ESPN, are there great hordes of people waiting with anticipation for every week's Sunday Night Baseball? I will give them a hint. No. Meanwhile, this week's primetime nonsense required two major league teams to fly overnight from the East Coast to the West Coast for a Monday night game. Let's shitcan the whole concept and put an apple in Jon Miller's mouth. There must be a Hawaiian barbecue in his future.

...I have experienced a paradigm switch in my baseball life. I no longer hate the Yankees. I do, however, now hate the Red Sox. Their bloated lineup and the incredibly unuctuous fans of Red Sox Abomination have gotten annoying to the Nth degree.

...Is it me or do all the broadcasts from the Mets' Citi Field sound like Marcel Marceau in concert? No noise whatsoever. Part of it might be the team. The other part might be that it's tough to cheer loudly when your mouth is full of pulled pork sandwiches, nachos, lobster, and all the other junk they're now selling at the new Flushing food court.

...Why don't they just open up a multiplex movie theater at Citi Field and call it a defunct franchise of a baseball team?

...So, a few more names have leaked out from that list of 103 players who tested positive for steroids in 2003. That was six years ago. At this rate, will the full roster be out before I die? Get it over with. Put it out there. And there is no name that would surprise me, except maybe Derek Jeter and Barack Obama. But, now that I think about it, he had an amazing rise to prominence in 2004. From virtual obscurity. Time to pee in a cup, Urkel.

...I can't believe that Braves fans are still doing that annoying chop-chop. In the past twenty years, you couldn't come up with anything new? And, speaking of which, manager Bobby Cox is now about 90 years old. A manager who does well in the regular season, but hasn't got a clue about the postseason. Time to put this jerk out to pasture. In the past twenty years, they couldn't come up with anybody new?

Dinner last night: Hawaiian Turkey Burger at Islands.