If somebody's gonna put their hand up my back, they better mean it. And here's an additional warning for today. If you're a Teddy Kennedy fan, you might want to stop reading right here.
---I was almost tempted to not post today. After all, the Obamas are on vacation and that means the country is closed, right?
---Urkel and his urchins are running around Martha's Vineyard and want to be left alone.
---Right back at you. So do a lot of Americans.
---While on vacation, they thought POTUS would stop in to see the increasingly scrambled Teddy Kennedy. I would like to be a fly on the rice pudding for that meeting.
---But, alas, alack. The bellboy finally brought Teddy's bags down to the lobby.
---Teddy wouldn't have even recognized Obama. He probably would have thought it's 1962 all over again and Obama is the hired help.
---"How come you're not wearing your white jacket? And where's my tapioca????"
---Because when it was all about giving Blacks a fair shake, the Kennedys were always on board.
---By giving them jobs in their pantry.
---Civil rights is great as long as it's not on their block in Hyannis Port.
---If there's any symmetry in this world, Teddy should be buried at sea.
---In a 1967 Oldsmobile.
---I hope the dry cleaners in Hyannis Port work fast. I'm guessing the Kennedy women didn't even get their black dresses back after they planted sister Eunice two weeks ago.
---So there's one Kennedy sibling left. That sister Jean is the winner. Please accept your prize at the window.
---If you're keeping score, all the rest are gone. Including that rascally sister who acted up and got a frontal lobotomy for her sins.
---Teddy had sort of the same thing. He always had "a bottle in front of me."
---From the Polar Opposite Department: Mother Rose got buried with a couple of cigars in a Dutch Masters box. The bloated Teddy will get buried in a piano crate. And there'll still be a foot sticking out.
---And the people of Massachusetts are so stupid that they'll still re-elect him to another term.
---Okay, I'll stop kicking the dead horse's ass. My "death panel" is closed for today.
---Speaking of being left alone, how about those performers who use their concerts as a platform to wax political? Take, for instance, Diana Krall last Saturday night at the Hollywood Bowl.
---We were sitting very nicely and enjoyed her wonderful jazzy renditions of some great old standards.
---And, then, cue the Jaws music. She decided to tell us about playing the White House.
---Okay, it's a free country and Diana Krall is entitled to her opinion. But she talked about getting a big hug from the Obamas. And "how different" that was compared to the past eight years.
---Huh?
---George W. Bush never hugged anybody? At least once????
---If Diana's barometer on the state of the country is based soled on public displays of affection, she should have visited the Kennedy White House.
---If you got only a hug, you were lucky.
---Most women walked out with knee abrasions.
---A note to all people in show business: please do your thing and nothing else. Sing your songs, play your piano, act your part, and that's it.
---Nobody cares how you told your assistant to pull the lever last Election Day.
---Like those two idiots, Brad Pitt and Ashton Kutcher, who were talking about the world condition with that other numbskull Bill Maher last week on HBO.
---The three of them together couldn't generate enough brainpower to light one of Al Gore's 50 watt explosive lightbulbs.
---Even these two morons are so smart, how come they wound up married to two of the biggest bitches in the world?
---Reminds me of seeing Barbra Streisand in concert with the recently elected Nancy Pelosi in the front row. Madame Hooknose serenaded the future Speaker of the House with "Happy Days Are Here Again."
---Days are very happy when you live in a Malibu beachhouse with armed guards all over the place.
---But, then again, all the security guards come in handy. James Brolin needs somebody to play with all day while the wife is off screaming at personal assistants.
Dinner last night: Cocoanut shrimp and teriyaki sirloin steak at Duke's in Malibu.
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