The Dog Wednesdays of August

Woof.

---Since when did the Hudson River in New York become the hot place to crash a plane?

---The best real estate value is any apartment that overlooks the Hudson. Great entertainment could be heading your way at any time. Grab a bucket of popcorn, head to the terrace, and wait for those midair mistakes.

---Meanwhile, helicopters should be used for traffic reports and transporting Michael Jackson's carcass all over Los Angeles, not for tourists who are not content to simply hop on the Circle Line.

---August is National "Make Out Your Will" Month. I looked on Hallmark.com and there is no card to commemorate the occasion.

---I hope you have your will made out and you have left me everything.

---Also, please make out your will if you're planning to tour Manhattan by whirlybird.

---I saw Jermaine Jackson catch a foul ball at Dodger Stadium and that was an amazing feat.

---After all, it's tough to focus on a line drive while you're grieving, sobbing, and trying to figure out how much money you're going to get from a malpractice suit.

---It's a good thing that Michael didn't wait till August to make out his will.

---Not that it would have made a big diff, since the family, one-by-one, is contesting it.

---Any truth to the rumor that Bubbles the Chimp is getting more than Latoya?

---And can you tell those two apart?

---Those of you who might have fathered one of those Jackson kids, please form a line on the right please.

---Cheez, it sounds like Debbie Rowe gets more traffic than the Garden State Parkway on Labor Day weekend.

---I can't stop looking at that photo of Clinton sitting alongsider that North Korean asshole. It looked like one of those family portraits where no one is speaking.

---On the other hand, I knew that Clinton was going to be successful in getting those journalists. After all, that's Bill's speciality. Flying someplace and picking up a couple of women.

---I realize now that there are a whole bunch of popular TV shows that I have never watched. I am out of touch.

---I have no idea who the Real Housewives are.

---I have no idea who Jon and Kate are.

---I have never seen a single frame of anything featuring Rachel Maddow.

---I have never seen a single frame of any numerical version of Big Brother.

---But as soon as they booked the 10th Anniversary edition of Who Wants to be a Millionaire, I was on board.

---What needs more black polish---my shoes or Regis Philbin's hair?

---The guy looks younger than he did the first time the show was on.

---Now that it's back on the air, I realize that their major source of questions is last week's People Magazine. As if that's now the benchmark of American intelligence.

---For instance, a question on the first episode was what movie President Urkel took his wife to on their first date.

---My question back is not a multiple choice.

---Who the fuck cares???

---By the way, the answer is Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing.

---Surprised??? Anyone????

---Can they all finalize stop blaming the past administration for everything wrong in the country today? At some point, the buck stops.

---Bulletin: there's no longer a disgusting Bush in the White House.

---Unless, of course, you want to consider what's on the other side of the President's bed.

---Hey, we should be happy that there's finally a President who probably has a healthy sex life.

---With his own wife, that is.

---So Eunice Shriver died. Is Teddy going to be the big winner on Survivor - Hyannis Port?

---Meanwhile, Sargent Shriver, the hubby, is still kicking. One of those people that I thought was dead ten years ago.

---San Francisco Giant fans went out of their minds, booing Manny Ramirez the past two nights.

---Which means that each one of them suffers from long term memory lapses.

Dinner last night: A big buffet dinner at Simon LA.