No Monkeying Around on Wednesdays

"I never miss a Wednesday edition of Len Speaks."

---I love the ears on this guy. He almost reminds me of...

---Oh, never mind.

---I doubt that the Lincoln bedroom has an alarm clock with a pussycat on it.

---Meanwhile, President Urkel's health care plan is so sick that it doesn't even qualify for medical assistance.

---Probably because of a lot of pre-existing conditions.

---I am not in favor of Universal health care. Or Twentieth Century Fox health care. Or Paramount health care.

---So I guess that makes me a Nazi.

---Out in California, we vote on all those propositions. So, why doesn't the Federal Government do the same thing? Let us vote on major bills like this?

---Because that would mean the general public might actually read up on it. And know all the details, both good and bad.

---Which would put them about ten steps ahead of any senator or House representative.

---And, apparently, if you don't like the President of our country, liberals think you immediately want him assassinated.

---Excuse me. Even though I don't like Urkel, I want him to live a long, full life.

----As a Cub Scout troop leader on the south side of Chicago. May there be many White Sox games in his future.

---Starting with the 2013 baseball season.

---Speaking of morons, let's talk about the fans of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Obviously, some weird ass folks who have been in the Southwestern sun way too long.

---Exactly one batter after Dodger pitcher Hiroki Kuroda gets smacked in the head with a line drive and is carted off to the hospital on a stretcher, the dumbbells in the stands start their tired old chant.

---"Beat LA, beat LA!"

---Did they not give a shit about somebody's potential brain swelling?? Hello???

---Meanwhile, earlier that same day, the Mets' David Wright gets beaned in the head and winds up with a concussion.

---Let's hope that David gets a better doctor than Ryan Church got last year when he busted his noggin. Church is still answering a telephone that is not ringing.

---Looking at how the Mets medical staff has mismanaged that team's health, I can only assume the doctors on duty were Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, and Dr. Howard.

---Bad news for the waiting rooms of most dentists: Reader's Digest is going through cutbacks.

---Their stories are already condensed. How much smaller can they get?

---It no longer pays to increase your word power.

---Millions of folks were salivating for last weekend's third season premiere of "Mad Men."

---I tried to watch again. It is like watching paint dry in high definition. And extremely overwritten. Sort of like what would happen if F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote "Laverne and Shirley."

---I don't get the attraction of this show. It's nothing but a soap opera and not even done as well as the Lorimar ones of the 80s.

---The same people who watch 'Mad Men" used to scoff at the likes of "Dallas" and "Falcon Crest." But those shows were better.

---Let's face it. "Mad Men" is nothing more than "Knots Landing" using the wardrobe left over from "Bye Bye Birdie."

---I got a look at that old codger Robert Morse who's on "Mad Men." Man, oh, man. What a blimp.

---"How to Succeed in Eating Without Really Chewing."

---Hey, that Allstate Insurance spokesman, Ed Reimers, finally cashed in his policy.

---Now he's in the best hands of all.

Dinner last night: Grilled shrimp and bacon club sandwich at the Cheesecake Factory.