Come Blow Your Wednesday

Vuvuzela, vuvuzela, vuvuzela!

---For the uneducated, that's a 35 point word in Scrabble for horn, horn, horn.

---It's amazing that most people can't spell the easiest of words, yet they have no problem getting this one right.

---It's just as crazy in NY. Bars opened at 9AM because one of the World Cup games was on.

---Just how well does a banana nut muffin go with beer?

---This soccer shit will be over soon, right?

---Separated at birth: Boston Celtic coach Doc Rivers and renowned TV dummy Knucklehead Smiff.

---Actually, they're both dummies.

---By the way, is downtown LA still on fire?

---I can remember the day when, if your team won a championship, you bought a pennant on the way home.

---Now, you steal a pennant on the way home. And break several windows.

---And punch a few people.

---And set a taxicab on fire.

---The American way to say "Yea Team!"

---As I wrote the other day, you will note that this happens mostly with pro basketball.

---Am I profiling? You betcha your boots.

---But, then again, I'm the guy that's anxiously awaiting the introduction of White History Month.

---From the Hmmmmm Department: Eight dead among 52 people shot over the weekend in Chicago.

---Virtually all of them live...drum roll, please...on the South Side.

---Obummer's old stomping grounds.

---As I said...

---Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

---And now please try this video on for size.

---This poor cop is in for it now. Charges of police brutality. Racism. You name it.

---But, when you look at it, can you blame him for doing what he did?

---These two bitches were resisting arrest. Punch in the mouth? She's lucky she didn't get a bullet in the head.

---Maybe it's me, but when a police officer tells me to do something, I do it.

---Hell, even Abbott and Costello used to pay attention to Mike the Cop.

---Maybe Obummer can invite the policeman and these two cows to the White House for a Mountain Dew summit.

---He must have some sort of teachable moment from this video.

---Here's my teachable moment: if this happens again, the cop needs to remember he has a weapon in his holster.

---Only in America...

---But this is a sport I could get into.

---Sock-Her.

---When is Business Class not roomy? When the guy next to you is an obese Mexican who needs one of those "Extend-a-Belts."

---He literally did not fit into a business class seat. He chuckled to me in broken English, "I guess I need to go to a gym."

---Er, Tubby, a gym will do nothing. I'd suggest the following:

---Lapband.

---A lifetime moratorium on breakfast burritos.

---Fasting for six months.

---And definitely stay off most modes of transportation.

---He was served the chicken pot pie for his meal and then called the flight attendant over to announce he thought it was something else.

---It was printed in the menu. How can you confuse chicken pot pie??

---Then, two hours into the flight, Senor Fat Slob decides he wants the aisle seat instead of the window.

---"Let him sit next to the window."

---Him, meaning me.

---I looked at the flight attendant and announced that Him was happy where he was.

---And I certainly wasn't going to move to a seat that his ass had been warming to several degrees short of Hell for two hours.

---As we were landing in LA, he peered out the window. And essentially created a total eclipse over Southern California.

---Meanwhile, it's fun on these flights watching all the goofballs tune in to their wi-fi and watch those flight trackers to see where our plane is.

---Just where the hell do you think the plane would be, dumbbells?

---A fun practical joke would be for one of those websites to make it appear that your plane is flying somewhere over Bolivia.

---The only trouble is that I'd still be in Seat 10H. Next to Two Ton Tamale.

Okay, I've offended enough for today.

Dinner last night: Roast beef sandwich.