The Gulf of Wednesday

And they thought Bill Clinton was slick.

---Obummer's on the case now. Making speeches about the oil leak. Inviting BP to the White House. I feel so much better now.

---POTUS says all that seafood is still safe to eat.

---As long as you like your salmon in a light petroleum sauce.

---The Chief Executive says you can still vacation on the Gulf Coast.

---Sure, if you want to go swimming in the water and come out looking like Al Jolson in "The Jazz Singer."

---Obummer says that recovery won't be quick. "I can't suck it up with a straw."

---Gee, Mr. President, I disagree. From what I can see, you're sucking pretty good these days.

---You know your Presidency is conflicted when you start wondering what Herbert Hoover would do in the same situation.

---And it's been an even worse week if you're a politician from one of the moronic Carolina states. Take, for instance, Alvin Green.---This jerk just won the Democratic nomination for the Senate seat from South Carolina. And he did it with no money and little campaigning. 59% of the voters went for him.

---Despite a felony obscenity charge.

---And embezzling allegations.

---And media interviews that made him sound like he was drunk.

---How stupid is the state of South Carolina?

---Apparently as stupid as the guy they may have just sent to the US Senate.

---Well, for once, we find out how inept and corrupt a Black elected official is before he gets the job.

---Now, let's take a gander at this North Carolina congressman, Democrat Bob Etheridge as he's approached by a student reporter.

---Etheridge later apologized. He was "having a bad day."

---Hopefully, there will be another one for this shithead in the future. When the authorities come to arrest him for assault and battery.

---And sagging cheeks.

---Ladies and gentlemen, these are your elected officials.

---May all of them be forced to go to a World Cup soccer match. And they have seats next to the horn section.

---I love all these idiots who are following these soccer games. The same people who wouldn't be caught dead at a game when they tried to make it a league sport here in America.

---Last week, when Mexico was playing, I'm betting you couldn't find a single person in a mailroom anywhere in California.

---All these numbskulls watch these games and root for the team of their homeland. Meanwhile, they wouldn't live there again on a bet.

---It's now three days after Puerto Rican Day in NY. Ladies, it is once again safe to walk the streets of Manhattan.

---That's another group of kooks who look so fondly on their native land, but wouldn't dare live there now.

---Great line from Joan Rivers in the new documentary on her: Since the Obamas are always trying to emulate the Kennedys in the White House, would it be okay to give Michelle a new nickname?

---"Blackie O."

---You can get in trouble these days for jokes like that.

---Not on this blog. Not in my house.

---Watching the NBA Finals, I just know that all those players on both sides are as dumb as a post.

---"Okay, guys, which one of you has read a book in the last year. A show of hands, please."

---Er, I see none.

---"Five years?"

---Er, I see no hands.

---You can probably extend that to the announcers as well. I'm pretty sure Magic Johnson never passed a math quiz.

---And neither did that Celtic coach Doc Rivers. When they miked one of his team huddles, he sounded like a train conductor making one of those garbled announcements on the D train.

---"Uh, passengers, the next stop is....muffle, muffle, scratch, muffle, scratch."

---Will somebody finally put a match to Red Sox and Celtic Nation? Boston, we are officially done with your bitching and moaning.

---And can't they do something about that annoying accent once and for all?

---I mean there are dialect coaches who can help you stop sounding Spanish or French or British. Why can't we find somebody that will help you stop telling us where you pahked your cahr?

---Well, at least, they got to practice their "Beat LA" chants for Manny Ramirez' homecoming at Fenway this weekend.

---I predict that Manny will laugh in their faces and hit the cover off the ball.

---Of course, I also predicted that Larry King would finally find happiness after his fifth marriage.

---Speaking of which, one day after his estranged wife tried to commit suicide, I saw Larry and his young son trolling the stands at Dodger Stadium.

---I guess that, after doctors pumped her stomach, there was no real reason for them to hang around the hospital.

---Well, at least, they didn't try to take pictures of it. Unlike Gary Coleman's rat bastard of a wife...

---Well, at least, we can be grateful that she didn't drag his half-dead carcass down to Woolworth's so they could get five photos for a quarter in one of those booths.

---Another undignified ending for a beleaguered Black child star/icon. Now they're fighting over whether to cremate him or not.

---Sound familiar?

---They did finally bury Michael, right?

---Or are we due for another burial service on the anniversary of his murder?

---The Jackson family really missed a promotional bonanza. Every year, they get some press as they bury Michael one body part at a time.

---Sadly, country singer Jimmy Dean died and Rowlf the puppet is being sedated as we speak.

---Dean died in his eighties and that's hopefully what happens if you eat a lot of sausage.

---Because, as regular readers know...

---I eat a lot of sausage.

For instance...

Dinner last night: Leftover turkey sausage and vegetables.

And tomorrow? From NYC!!!