The Skymall Summer Sale

Last Fall, I actually purchased an item in one of those Skymall catalog.  A nifty shelving system for my DVD collection.  But, since I spent some coin with them, they are now sending the catalog in the mail.  Hello?  Most of it is still useless junk.

For instance, this sign shown above.  Is your family so stupid they need a sign to tell them what room they're in?  Wouldn't the presence of a washer and a dryer be a dead giveaway? 

Yeah, this is a really good idea.  A device that shoots a laser light on your wall for Frisky's amusement.  Do they also sell some paint for that baseboard which is going to be scratched to smithereens?

As much as I fly, I can tell you shit like this is a ripoff.  My secret to avoid jet-lag?  Don't fly at night.  Done.  I just saved you twenty bucks.  Go buy some regular gum.

It's a sad day when you have to carry bedbug repellent in your travel kit along with toothpaste and deodorent.  But it's a must if your trip takes you through any midtown Manhattan hotel.

With this nifty hose holder, you can turn any bedroom into an ICU unit.

If you get a lot of headaches, you want to see a doctor as opposed to wearing this contraption.  You're thinking a Skymall product might be the right fix.  I'm thinking it might be a brain tumor.

Proof positive that anybody's head could be a catchable prize in one of those arcade games.  The tingling action is supposed to revitalize your scalp.  The healthy looking red glow just might be blood.




If you're too cheap to see a licensed hair colorist...

If your leg is giving you that much trouble when you sleep, you might try the Yellow Pages.  Look under "podiatrist."  Or "cardiologist."  Or "orthopaedist." 

Magnify that computer screen.  Or be a little more conventional and buy some fucking eyeglasses.

This is a stone that you can lay in your garden.  You can have any kind of religious inscription you want.  Also available:  "My son is a molested altar boy."  "My cousin is a suicide bomber."

Ah!  You may think these are simply tennis racks.  But, in reality, they are bug zappers.  If you have to walk around your backyard and constantly use these things, it might be time to move out of the Florida Everglades.

Dinner last night:   Grilled beef sausage and salad.