Conan O'Brien, You Can Stop Please

Right from the get-go, I will confess.

I am not a member of Team Coco.  For those not in that loop, I am referring to Conan O'Brien.

A few weeks back, you might remember that I just finished Bill Carter's latest book on the late night wars between Jay Leno and the aforementioned O'Brien.  And you may also remember that I'm not a fan of either of those guys.  Yep, I remain steadfastly loyal to the memory of one Johnny Carson.

But I couldn't resist seeing the new documentary about the tour Conan went on in 2010 during that period when he was contractually forbidden from appearing on television.  I had heard that the film didn't pull any punches and showed Mr. O'Brien, warts and all.  It's those blemishes I was interested in seeing.  I have always heard Hollywood whispers that he is not the nicest guy in the world.  Frankly, I've heard Conan is a complete shithead.

I was intrigued.

Now that I have seen "Conan O'Brien Can't Stop," I'm a trifle confused.  The documentary was produced with Conan's consent.  If this is the outcome when he approves of the film, I can only imagine what he looks like in a non-approved version.  Because this movie shows warts all right.  And lots of neuroses, psychoses, and anything else you might conjure up from your friendly local mental institution.

Yep, Conan O'Brien comes off that bad.  Now all the gossip I've heard over the years is totally validated.  The playful and irascible Catholic choir boy is anything but.  We get to see his many sides.  None of them good. 

Depending upon where you are in the ninety-minute captivating documentary, you might see one of the following.  The whining Conan.  The abusive-to-his-staff Conan.  The borderline insane Conan.  The repulsive Conan.  The profane Conan.  And there's one quality that is consistent throughout.

He's always the grossly unfunny Conan.

Cameras follow O'Brien on his multi-city tour as he looks to kill some time after his ouster from the Tonight Show.  Early on, we hear him discussing with his manager a possible meeting with TBS.  Conan sneers at the thought of doing a cable show.  Of course, we all know the laugh's on him.  And definitely not on us.  Because everything in this live tour comes off as slapdash and sophomoric.  Anybody who paid money to see this dreck got what they deserved.  Conan talks about the tour and it's his way to connect in-person with his true fans, who he says can now identify with him.  After all, a lot of them are unemployed.  Just like him.

Except nobody in his audience got a 37 million dollar severence package from NBC.  Right then and there, you realize that Conan O'Brien is a complete fraud.

O'Brien is one of those smug Harvard grads who thinks everything out of his mouth is the funniest thing said in years.  But, that's an impossible task when you notice that Conan is talking non-stop throughout the movie.  When not trying to sing or play guitar (badly) on stage, he is berating his personal assistant so much that I'm shocked she hasn't yet posted her resume on Jobs.com.  At other moments, he is insulting guests at pre-show "meet and greets."  Or making fun of poor unsuspecting fans trying to get an autograph. 

This is as unflattering as it can get.  Ardent fans might come away surprised.  I was simply vindicated.

That said, "Conan O'Brien Can't Stop" is a fascinating snapshot of a truly complex individual who is incredibly unlikeable.  Yet, he has fans by the bushelful. 

In contrast, I just revisited via Netflix another sensational documentary on a comic.  "Comedian" profiled Jerry Seinfeld and it worked just as well for me on a second viewing.  Indeed, there are some similarities between Conan and Jerry.  Both are a bit mixed up.  Both are incredibly neurotic.  Still, Seinfeld comes off as somebody you'd like to go to a Met game with.  As for Conan, if I never saw him again, it would be none too soon.

And, oh, yeah, there's one other difference.

Jerry Seinfeld is funny.

Dinner last night:  Vegetable pasta at BJ's.