Happy birthday, Boy Wonder. And dig those splotchy legs.
371 BC: THE BATTLE OF LEUCTRA, WHERE EPAMINONDAS DEFEATS CLEOMBROTUS I.
Who? What? BC stands for "before I care."
1189: RICHARD I "THE LIONHEART" IS CROWNED KING OF ENGLAND.
Like I just said. Who? What?
1348: PAPAL BULL OF POPE CLEMENT VI PROTECTING THE JEWS ACCUSED TO HAVE CAUSED THE BLACK DEATH.
Throughout these little history lessons of mine, we have seen several mentions of Papal bulls. Isn't that too big a pet to keep around St. Peter's Basilica?
1415: JAN HUS IS BURNED AT THE STAKE.
With a Bordelaise sauce that included capers.
1484: PORTUGUESE SEA CAPTAIN DIOGO CAO FINDS THE MOUTH OF THE CONGO RIVER.
Let's hope the Congo River didn't just eat onions.
1535: SIR THOMAS MORE IS EXECUTED FOR TREASON AGAINST KING HENRY VIII OF ENGLAND.
Treason, shmeason. His name was atop the girls school at Fordham and that's enough of a crime for me.
1609: BOHEMIA IS GRANTED FREEDOM OF RELIGION.
For all those persecuted bohemians in the audience.
1747: NAVAL COMMANDER JOHN PAUL JONES IS BORN.
Followed by the birth of his brother, George Ringo Jones. Sometimes, the obvious joke is the best.
1751: POPE BENEDICT XIV SUPPRESSES THE PATRIARCHATE OF AQUILEIA AND ESTABLISHES FROM ITS TERRITORY THE ARCHDIOCESE OF UDINE AND GORIZIA.
All of this basically says to me that Pope Benedict XIV had nothing to do on July 6, 1751.
1785: THE DOLLAR IS UNANIMOUSLY CHOSEN AS THE MONETARY UNIT OF THE UNITED STATES.
And has lost value ever since.
1854: THE FIRST CONVENTION OF THE UNITED STATES REPUBLICAN PARTY IS HELD.
It was chaired by Bob Dole. He's that old.
1885: LOUIS PASTEUR SUCCESSFULLY TESTS HIS VACCINE AGAINST RABIES ON A BOY WHO WAS BITTEN BY A RABID DOG.
Now if it still works when a dog has been bitten by a rabid boy, we'll really have something.
1887: DAVID KALAKAUA, MONARCH OF THE KINGDOM OF HAWAII, IS FORCED AT GUNPOINT, AT THE HANDS OF AMERICANS, TO SIGN THE BAYONET CONSTITUTION GIVING AMERICANS MORE POWER IN HAWAII WHILE STRIPPING HAWAIIAN CITIZENS OF THEIR RIGHTS.
Oh, here we go again. Now people will start wondering all over again if this means Barack Obama is no longer an American citizen?
1917: ARABIAN TROOPS LED BY T.E. LAWRENCE AND AUDA IBU TAYI CAPTURE AQABA FROM THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE DURING THE ARAB REVOLT.
Sounds like a big deal but this was probably nothing more than a five minute scene in a three-hour movie starring Peter O'Toole.
1918: ACTOR SEBASTIAN CABOT IS BORN.
Mr. French!!
1921: NANCY REAGAN IS BORN.
Her tarot cards were off by a day.
1925: MERV GRIFFIN IS BORN.
No wonder they hung out together so much. That, and, oh, yeah, the fact that Merv was a big poofer.
1927: ACTRESS JANET LEIGH IS BORN.
Shower her with your good wishes.
1927: ACTOR PAT PAULSEN IS BORN.
Is it too early to have him run against Herbert Hoover?
1933: THE FIRST MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL ALL-STAR GAME IS PLAYED IN CHICAGO'S COMISKEY PARK. THE AMERICAN LEAGUE DEFEATS THE NATIONAL LEAGUE, 4-2.
One game and I'm already miserable.
1942: ANNE FRANK AND HER FAMILY GO INTO HIDING IN AMSTERDAM.
The good news is that she brought plenty of pencils.
1945: ACTOR BURT WARD IS BORN.
Ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da....Batman!!!
1946: PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH IS BORN.
Well, we certainly know what Barbara Bush was doing today.
1946: ACTOR SYLVESTER STALLONE IS BORN.
They say all newborns are ugly. I can only imagine what he looked like.
1954: BASEBALL PLAYER WILLIE RANDOLPH IS BORN.
Never should have been fired by the Mets. I'm just sayin'.
1957: ALTHEA GIBSON WINS THE WIMBLEDON CHAMPIONSHIPS, BECOMING THE FIRST BLACK ATHLETE TO DO SO.
Well, there goes the country club.
1957: JOHN LENNON AND PAUL MCCARTNEY ARE INTRODUCED TO EACH OTHER AT A CONCERT IN WOOLTON.
"You gonna keep your hair like that?"
1971: LOUIS ARMSTRONG DIES.
Goodbye, Dolly. Oh, yeah!!!!!!!!!!
1972: ACTOR BRANDON DE WILDE DIES.
Goodbye, Shane. No, really, don't bother coming back, Shane.
1998: COWBOY STAR ROY ROGERS DIES.
Did they bother stuffing him? No.
1999: US ARMY PRIVATE BARRY WINCHELL DIES FROM BASEBALL-BAT INJURIES INFLICTED IN HIS SLEEP THE PREVIOUS DAY BY A FELLOW SOLDIER FOR HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH TRANSGENDER SHOWGIRL AND FORMER NAVY CORPSMAN CALPERNIA ADDAMS.
When do they make a movie out of this, please??
2003: ACTOR BUDDY EBSEN DIES.
Black gold, Texas tea.
2009: STATESMAN ROBERT MCNAMARA DIES.
This guy blew up a lot of shit. And people, too.
Dinner last night: Grilled beef sausage and salad.
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