Your Weekend Movie Guide for July 2011

Wow!  Now this is summertime entertainment.  I remember going to see "Bye Bye Birdie" five times in one weekend at the Loews Mount Vernon theater.  I could see this again this weekend if it was playing someplace in the Los Angeles area.

What I won't see is most of the garbage listed below.  The current pile of horse shit produced by Hollywood.  You folks know the drill here all too well.  I'll sift through the Los Angeles Times and give you my knee-jerk reaction to the excrement being passed off as entertainment at your local multiplex.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows - Part 2:  Okay, I'm not going to slam those people addicted to this series of books and movies.  I saw and read the first one and found it all ordinary, but I'm going to revisit via Netflix shortly.  See!  Even the most closed mind can be ajar momentarily.  I did hear from one Potter fan who hated this closing chapter on the screen.  He claims they wildly deviated from the book and I don't understand that strategy.  One thing that does confound me is the frenzy exuded by fans who absolutely had to see this on the very first weekend of release.  Rhetorical question:  is the movie any different if you wait, say, a week?

Horrible Bosses:  Another surprise for you.  I've seen this.  And didn't hate it.  Sure, it's juvenile and stupid, but the acting, especially by bosses Kevin Spacey and the deliciously vile Jennifer Aniston, makes it work.  This is not a vote from me for toilet humor.  But, when crass is done with a little bit of class, it's acceptable.

Bridesmaids:  Hold onto your hat, Len Speaks readers.  This is another shocker.  I've seen this.  And loved it.  Originally, I was going to ignore the film, thinking it was nothing more than "The Hangover" with breasts.  But, fellow blogger Ken Levine wrote about it glowingly and, if it's good enough for him, I needed to sample.  Sure, there's a bit of raunchiness and the vomiting/shitting scene in the bridal salon goes on a bit too long.  But, at the heart of this movie is some, well, heart.  It's really quite charming with terrific performances from Kristin Wiig and Maya Rudolph.  It also allows us to savor, in a small role, the wonders of the late Jill Clayburgh, even though her scenes look like they were shot mere hours before she died.  She looks quite ill.

Transformers - Dark of the Moon:  Sorry, gang, no more surprises.  This one's for the scrap heap.  Proof positive that Hollywood has completely forgotten how to make a great popcorn action movie for the summer.  Current executives should be forced to revisit the original Die Hard so they can see how it works.  This one is only to be seen by those whose brain waves flatlined three years ago.  You make a stupid movie for stupid people.

Captain America - The First Avenger: The computer graphics looked so cheesy in the trailer that I'm convinced this movie was bankrolled by Kraft Foods.   A dumb movie for even dumber people.

Zookeeper:  Kevin James and a lot of talking animals.  I wonder which one makes the most sense.  Hint: don't bet on Kevin.

Cars 2:  It's hard to believe that I haven't run to go see a Pixar movie.  But, the original was just okay and the trailer made my eyelids droop.  And it was only three minutes long!

Friends With Benefits:  Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in a comedy where friends use each other for sex.  And, gee, from the title, I thought this was all about 401Ks.  Didn't Hollywood make the same movie just six months ago with Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway?

Super 8:  It's on my list, but the movie may disappear before I get the time to sample it.   Allegedly this is Steven Spielberg's best producing effort in decades,  which must mean there are A) no aliens or B) no Nazis.

Bad Teacher:  I hear the only way in which the producers got it right was by including the word "bad" in the title.

The Tree of Life:  Root rot.

Winnie the Pooh:  The original back for some more honey.  And where else but in America can you actually avoid the same movie twice in a lifetime??

A Little Help:  A dental hygenist stunned by the death of her husband bonds with her sister's spouse.  Starring Jenna Fischer, Chris O'Donnell, and probably lots and lots and lots of Kleenex. 

Singham:  An Indian police inspector is transferred to the big city.  McCloud Goes to New Delhi.

Good Day For It:  A man forced to abandon his wife and daughter years earlier must risk his life to settle an old score and reunite his family.  But the good news is that he's staying clear of his slutty dental hygenist.

Sarah's Key: In modern-day Paris, a journalist (Kristen Scott Thomas) finds her life becoming entwined with a young girl whose family was torn apart during the notorious Vel' d'Hiv Roundup in 1942.   How many movies must we endure about the scummy French during World War II?  The assholes ran into the Nazis, rolled over and died.  The End.

Larry Crowne:  Tom Hanks as an unemployed retail guy trying to get his life together with Julia Roberts.  Does anybody still buy Hanks as some everyday normal guy?  Puh-leze.  I hear this is dreadful and mainly because Hanks co-wrote the screenplay.  Tom, stick to what you do best.  Act badly.

Midnight in Paris:  Woody's newest one is a breath of fresh air.  Especially since this is his best movie he's done in fifteen years.  Or, roughly, the age of his last child/current girlfriend.

Another Earth:  On the night of the discovery of a duplicate planet in the solar system, an ambitious young student and an accomplished composer cross paths in a tragic accident.   The logline alone has confused me beyond belief.  If there is a parallel Earth, I wonder if the Dodgers are hitting any better there.

Tabloid:  A new documentary that I have already sampled.  It tells the story of some kook named Joyce McKinney who kidnapped a Mormon boyfriend in the 70s, posed for lots of nude photos in the 80s, lived like a hermit in the 90s, and had her dog cloned in the new century.  Gee, doesn't everybody?  A fascinating but incredibly weird story.

Beginners:  Ewan McGregor and Christopher Plummer star in this tale.  A young man is rocked by two announcements from his elderly father: that he has terminal cancer, and that he has a young male lover.   Luckily, my own dad only hit me with one of the above.  As far as I know....

Conan O'Brien Can't Stop:  Previously reviewed here in detail.  I am still shocked that this documentary was so uncomplimentary to O'Brien when he had control of the content.  Gee whiz.  He might be even worse than it appears.

A Better Life:  A gardener in East L.A. struggles to keep his son away from gangs and immigration agents while trying to give his son the opportunities he never had.   Another reason to close the borders.

Beats, Rhyme and Life:  Having forged a 20-year run as one of the most innovative and influential hip hop bands of all time, the Queens NY collective known as 'A Tribe Called Quest' have kept a generation hungry for more of their groundbreaking music since their much publicized breakup in 1998. Michael Rapaport documents the inner workings and behind the scenes drama that follows the band to this day. He explores what's next for, what many claim, are the pioneers of alternative rap.   Somewhere in that long description lies the hidden message for me.  No fucking way.

Terri:  All about a large 15-year-old boy in a small town as he struggles to adjust to his difficult life.   Well, you can start by wondering why his parents gave him a first name that's spelled like a girl's.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan: A story set in 19th century China and centered on the lifelong friendship between two girls who develop their own secret code as a way to contend with the rigid cultural norms imposed on women.   That's funny because, in 21st Century China, these girls don't even make it out of the womb.

Dinner last night:  Meat loaf and broccoli.