If I Tweeted - September 2011

I don't, but, if I did, this is what you would have seen this month.

#LenSpeaks  My 401K just sunk faster than the 1964 Phillies, the 2007 Mets, and....ta da, the 2011 Boston Red Sox.

#LenSpeaks  Do all these stimulus plans come with the same doctors' warnings you hear about Cialis and Viagra?

#LenSpeaks  Actor Morgan Freeman thinks that the Tea Party is racist.  I think most of his movies suck.  There!  We're even.

#LenSpeaks  Rick Perry looks like some guy who's trying to convince you that you're getting a good deal with that 1972 Gremlin.

#LenSpeaks  If Michelle Obama is so worried about obesity in America, what does she really think of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie?  For Pete's sake, his body has two different area codes.

#LenSpeaks  I'm waiting for the celebrity edition of "Dancing with the Stars."

#LenSpeaks  So, that dumbbell Tony Bennett thinks we were the ones who provoked the 9/11 attacks.  Uh huh.  He obviously left another body part in San Francisco.

#LenSpeaks  Tony Bennett is perhaps one of the most overrated singers in history.  My grandmother was right.  She didn't like him and neither do I.

#LenSpeaks  Does every one of those air shows always wind up with a deadly crash?

#LenSpeaks  Every Presidential campaign debate needs to end with a pie fight.

#LenSpeaks  I keep hearing that Greece is on its last legs.  Personally, I never cared for the Broadway musical or the movie. 

#LenSpeaks  Clayton Kershaw finishes the season with the NL triple crown of pitching: wins, ERA, and strikeouts. To quote Vin Scully: if that doesn't lock down the Cy Young award, "there will be some questions that have to be answered."

#LenSpeaks  Baseball star Manny Ramirez arrested for punching out wife. Manny being Meany.

#LenSpeaks  Manny's arrest was a surprise to me.  He couldn't hit anything last year.

#LenSpeaks  OMG. I was in NY and listened to the Dodgers-Giants game on XM radio. It was the Giants feed and Jon Miller was awful the last three innings. Getting things wrong. Stumbling over his words. Was this a stroke in progress? Thank God for Vin Scully.

#LenSpeaks  The Michael Jackson case has finally hit the courtroom.  Is there even a defense?  Who keeps that much anesthesia in their house?
 
#LenSpeaks  Jackson was on so many drugs that his autopsy report must have looked like the backroom at Rexall.

#LenSpeaks  The trial attorneys showed a photo of a dead Jackson lying on a hospital gurney.  His loopy fans revolted...saying he sure get more dignity.

#LenSpeaks  Hey, a known drug addict and pedophile can only get so much dignity.

#LenSpeaks   Because, at Michael's house, you could always tell when it was bedtime.   The big hand was on the little hand.

#LenSpeaks   One more....why did Michael Jackson run out to Walmart?  He heard boys underwear was 1/2 off. 

#LenSpeaks   So can we assume that Dr. Conrad Murray is not going to be the new surgeon general?

#LenSpeaks    Hallmark now marketing sympathy cards for those who are laid off from their jobs.  That alone could bring the economy back.

#LenSpeaks    If the card company was smart, they would also start producing cards for politicians who are voted out of office because too many people are being laid off.

#LenSpeaks    Larry King is giving up his Dodger season tickets because he hates giving his money to owner Frank McCourt.  Okay, one creep out of the stadium, one to go.

#LenSpeaks    I've seen some recent photos of Larry King and he's starting to look like a chimp who got hold of somebody's "Just For Men."

#LenSpeaks  The Chabad telethon was held this month.  At least, that's what I thought it was.  Unless, of course, somebody is now televising a new show called "Dancing with the Rabbis."

#LenSpeaks  Some of the dopiest fans in baseball are Arizona Diamondback fans.  Matt Kemp is a MVP and Triple Crown candidate.  Fans boo his every move.

#LenSpeaks  Of course, this was the same fanbase that broke out into a chant of "Beat LA" two minutes after an unconscious Hiroki Kuroda was carted off in an ambulance.

#LenSpeaks  That's why the state of Arizona deserves to be overrun by Mexicans.

Dinner last night:  Tortellini with chicken and pesto.