If I Tweeted - December 2011

I don't, you know.  But, if I did, here's what I might have tweeted this month.

@LenSpeaks  Sixth Avenue in Manhattan has become Hollywood Boulevard.  Cartoon characters on every corner, all available to pose for a photo...if you tip them.

@LenSpeaks  Oh, look, Minnie Mouse is yelling at somebody in Spanish!

@LenSpeaks  Thanks to Smart Phones and text messages, there are all sorts of new ways in which you can accidentally walk into people in midtown Manhattan.

@LenSpeaks  Merry Christmas and look alive, Stupid!

@LenSpeaks  Ever wonder why the White House never makes a public comment about people beating the shit out of each other over $180 Air Jordan sneakers?

@LenSpeaks  Yeah, you know the answer to that question.  It's just polite to say it because, well, it's considered racist.

@LenSpeaks  Look at the pictures of those riots and you'll have the answer.

@LenSpeaks  I bet Nike sent the President complimentary pairs of those shoes for the entire family.  Because you know we don't want a world leader camping out on line and getting his ass kicked.

@LenSpeaks  After being in Manhattan for a week, I realized that, if I had still lived there, I would be dead today.

@LenSpeaks  In the mens room prior to my second visit at "How to Succeed," the guy next to me is peeing and singing...yank my doodle if I'm dandy.

@LenSpeaks  My health care plan is changing for 2012 and getting much more expensive.  But, at least, I'm happy that some welfare slob can get free care for their kid who's got the sniffles.

@LenSpeaks  Who knew Kim Jong was Ill?

@LenSpeaks  My mail usually shows up at 4PM every day.  So, how come, on Christmas Eve, they can manage to deliver it by 11AM?

@LenSpeaks   There were so many reaction shots of the Obamas during the Kennedy Center honors that I'm wondering when they're changing the name on the outside of the building.

@LenSpeaks  Meanwhile, the First Family's Hawaii vacation is costing taxpayers four million dollars.   Can we please get them the Priceline link?

@LenSpeaks   My new pet peeve during the holidays: Christmas cards with all those little crystal particles.   Hello, folks, these are now all over my sweaters and my rugs.

@LenSpeaks   How many shoplifting days till Kwanzaa?

@LenSpeaks  My holiday week off project?  Watching the Harry Potter movies.  Three down, 157 to go.

Dinner last night:  Ham sandwich.