Hawaii V 5.0

Sadly, I have yet to visit the 50th state.  As a result, my rather myopic view of Hawaii comes from television and movies.

Greg Brady surfing with that ancient curse around his neck on "The Brady Bunch".

Our friend Deborah Walley cavorting with James Darren in "Gidget Goes Hawaiian."

Jack Lord telling James MacArthur to "book 'em" on the first and really only "Hawaii 5-0" TV series.

So, from my limited vantage point, Hawaii is all clean beaches, majestic hotels, and, yes, I suppose with McGarrett, a few crooks thrown in.

So, I go to see the much ballyhooed "The Descendants," which arguably could be another Oscar for George Clooney and I see none of the above.  I see the more human side of the state.  The people that live there in regular houses with routine jobs and lives.  And it all looks a little different to me now.

There are ordinary homes with leaves strewn in the backyard pool.

There are very scruffy people who look like they haven't soaked in an ounce of water, surf or otherwise, for years.

And everything seems to be a little damp.

Oh, sure, there are scenes of splendor.  Lovely coastlines, ultra-blue water, and post card vistas most assuredly approved by the Honolulu Chamber of Commerce.  But, at its core, Hawaii does have its warts.  Essentially, where ever that are human beings and emotions, there will be issues.  And "The Descendants" presents them in spades.

George Clooney plays a direct descendant of some big Hawaiian muckety muck.  Some king or queen or maybe even a direct cousin of Kam Fong.  Well, anyway, he and his cousins have a lot of really prime real estate being handed down to them and must decide how to capitalize on it.  Should we leave it to the salmon or turn it into a Ritz Carlton?

At home, Clooney is facing another kettle of fish.  His wife has been in your run-of-the-mill power boating accident and now is nothing but a comatose broccoli stalk in a hospital bed and badly in need for somebody to kick the plug out of the wall socket.  Before he does that, George has to figure out how to be a parent to two young daughters, one of which is pre-puberty and the other years beyond with a lummox of a boyfriend to boot.

It all twists and turns as if Knots Landing had suddenly been transported to Maui.  There are melodramatic surprises and life is nothing remotely idyllic for these islanders. 

And, throughout it all, everything remains just a little damp.

The performances are terrific with Clooney and Shailene Woodley as the older and wiser daughter are standouts.  Director Alexander Payne. who I used to see all the time at my old hair stylist, doesn't make many movies.  But, given the due diligence that he puts into each production, "The Descendants" shouldn't drag as much as it does in the early going.  Still, it all feels a little Oscar-y and probably gets some nominations come February 2012.

At the same time, I'm looking at the plot and, if the main character is female, this is nothing more than a Lifetime movie starring Nancy McKeon.  With Clooney involved as the main character, mediocrity revs up a notch or two to almost superlative status.  Funny how that happens.

I'm often accused that I only write reviews of movies I really love or really hate.  Well, "The Descendants" is an exception.  I didn't really either.  At various points in the film, I was impressed.  At others, I groaned.

Just like life.  And, as I learned for the first time, Hawaii is not immune to the ups and downs that us mainland slobs experience every day of our lives.

Dinner last night:  Beef stroganoff.