The Sunday Memory Drawer - Me and The Hunger Games

So, you're looking at today's title and photo and no doubt wondering how this all has the usual Sunday nostalgic spin.

Well, watch me.  Nut, just so you know from the outset, this will take quite a while. 

First off, I have zero clue or interest in "The Hunger Games."  I don't know what the books are about.  I haven't seen the movie.  And I don't own the logo on a T-shirt.   Are there bendable action figures?  I don 't have them either.

But, as I was reading one of the many stories about the success of this franchise, something reached up and smacked me right across the kisser.

Oh, my God, I realized.

Now we flashback...

About twenty years ago when my writing partner and I first started working together in New York, we were looking for any sort of guidance or a leg up.  We became aware of some group called TIP-East.  Back in the early 90s, most television production was based in Los Angeles.  Well, TIP-East was spearheaded by some folks to help nurture New York-oriented writers.  TIP translated into "To Increase Production."  You would think that these creative types could be a bit more clever.

So, TIP-East created a writers workshop that was designed to teach newbies the ropes.  It would be shepherded by some New York-based TV producers.  The whole organization was run by some dowdy actress named Martha Greenhouse.  I just checked her IMDB listing and she last worked in 1999.  Her biggest claim to fame was playing one of the cops' wives on the old "Car 54" sitcom.  She's likely dead by now.  Back in 1992, she was acting as "rabbi" for a bunch of novice television writers.  And "rabbi" is the operative word.  She brought bagels and lox every week as she worked under the assumption that all of us in the workshop were Jewish.

But, I am getting ahead of the game.  You did not automatically get to participate in this forum.  You had to submit a script sample of a current TV comedy show.  Not the whole script, but the first act only.  At this junction, we had already dabbled in some spec scripts for shows like "The Golden Girls, "Designing Women," and "Murphy Brown."  To be a little different, we opted to submit a spec we had done for "The Wonder Years."

When we got the call from Martha that we were accepted, it was like we had been called by Florenz Ziegfeld to be in his Follies.  Suddenly, we were thinking about future success and the color choices for our first Jaguars.

Yeah, wait a minute.  It wasn't going to be that easy.

The headiness of being accepted for something you had written was quickly diminished when we had our very first meeting.  Truth be told, there were about 15 other folks in the same workshop and they were all probably equally as good as us. 

Damn them.

The objective of the workshop would be that each of us would leave with a workable and saleable spec script for an existing TV show.  To do that, the moderators would create an environment similar to what you would find on any sitcom's production staff.  We would pitch our ideas.   In front of everybody.  Then come back with an outline.  To be read in front of everybody.  And then we would read our finished product.  In front of everybody.

About half of the group were focusing on writing for "The Simpsons," so it was a real curveball for them when we were all told that our spec script had to be for either "Seinfeld" or "Murphy Brown."  Well, we thought we were in the catbird seat.  "Murphy Brown?"  Been there, done that, and, yes, we do have the T-shirt.

And, yeah, wait a minute.  It wasn't going to be that easy.

TIP-East was going to be moderated by three judges in a precursor to "American Idol."  One of the "mentors" had written an "All in the Family" episode about two centuries ago and not much since.  Another judge was a female writer not much older than some of us and her main credits were for some Nickelodeon show. 

The third judge was the one everybody focused on.  He had just come off from running "The Cosby Show."  He was Simon Cowell.  The one you wanted to impress.  He had actually worked on something substantial within the last decade.

The only problem?  He was a real shithead.  From the get-go, we figured out that we were immediately the wrong gender for him.  He gravitated to the females in the crowd. 

Well, we will just have to swing him in our direction with our material.

And, yeah, wait a minute.  It wasn't going to be that easy.

My partner and I worked very hard on what we thought was a great idea for "Murphy Brown" and it gave a nice story for the Frank Fontana character to play.  We did the pitch and nobody in the room scoffed.  Thumbs not exactly way up, but certainly they were not pointed toward the floor.   We went off for the next week to do our outline.

As we listened to some of the other newbies spit out their outlines, we were not particularly impressed.  But, the former Cosby guy sure was.  Well, at least, if your voice was higher than his and your legs had been shaved in the shower that morning.  

Quicker than we would have liked, it was suddenly our turn.

We did our outline pitch as we had rehearsed ad nauseum for the last week.  Nerves were evident, but it didn't seem to be going badly.  Martha giggled a couple of times, even though her mouth was covered with the remnants of cream cheese.  The old "All in the Family" guy snored, which was his common reaction.

Then we heard from the Cosby guy.

As far as he was concerned, we had committed creative murder.  He trashed us from one side of the room to another.  Our story sucked.  Our dialogue sucked.  Our jokes sucked.  And, oh, by the way, did I tell you it all sucked??

We had been beaten to a pulp.  There was no way to recover.  We'll take one bagel for the road and see you perhaps in another decade.

But, we still had one judge left.  The girl from the unmemorable Nickelodeon show.  

"I liked it."

What??

"It was interesting.  The story is clever."

Really?

"I think this could be a very good spec script."

Will you marry one of us?  Or maybe even both of us??

That person who lifted us up from the depths of depression?

Suzanne Collins.  Thanks to her "Hunger Games," one of the hottest writers in America today.

I never realized that until I recently saw an article about her in Entertainment Weekly.  Ton of bricks, here is my head.  I looked at the photo of the author.  Yep, same chick, twenty years older.

I may have to go see this movie now.  Just to support her in a very small way for the kindness of two decades ago. 

P.S., we never did wind up with a good spec script during our stay at TIP-East.  But, there was one very tasty cinnamon raisin bagel....

Dinner last night:  Turkey meatballs, potato salad, and cole slaw from Gelson's.