If I Tweeted - April 2012

I don't, you know.  But, if I did, here's what I might have said this month.

#LenSpeaks  It's official.  Skittles can kill you.

#LenSpeaks  Lost in all the Trayvon Martin hoopla.  What does this neighborhood need a watch at all?   Obviously, there are problems there.

#LenSpeaks  I wore a hood in my living room one day and I was not profiled.  Just saying.

#LenSpeaks  So, Secret Service agents are fucking around on Presidential trips.  Don't you all remember when it was the other way around.

#LenSpeaks  And I just know that there is some bimbo out there with Barack's name on her. 

#LenSpeaks  Come on, if you were married to Michelle, wouldn't you?

#LenSpeaks  I remember when "class warfare" met that two fourth-grade groups were having a fight in the playground after school.

#LenSpeaks  I walked through Times Square the other night after the theater.  I didn't hear English spoken for at least four blocks.

#LenSpeaks  New category on the $100,000 Pyramid.  "Jack Narz, Art James, Art Fleming, Dick Clark...."  "Dead Game Show Hosts?"

#LenSpeaks  Somebody said that they should cancel New Year's Eve in his honor.  So we have to stay with 2012 indefinitely??

#LenSpeaks  By the way, you all do realize that Dick Clark was a complete dirtbag, right?

#LenSpeaks  My first flight to NY without a left meniscus has been glorious. Enjoyed my new status as TSA-Preferred. No shoe removal, no laptop removal, no belt removal, no pocket removal, no line. And an upgrade to Business class gives me my first ever experience with an iPad-like tablet. Now I want one.

#LenSpeaks  I kind of missed the patdown, though.

#LenSpeaks  If American Idol loses any more viewers, they will start showing it on American Airlines flights, which is usually the only place where NBC's Thursday night comedies can be seen.

#LenSpeaks  The problem with Idol is that the judges are now too nice.  I fondly recall the days when Simon would simply say, "you're fat, you're ugly, and you can't sing."

#LenSpeaks  I started playing "Words with Enemies."  My first two words..."screw" and "you."

#LenSpeaks  Maybe I should challenge Alec Baldwin to a game.  No, wait, the flight attendant just told me to power down.

#LenSpeaks  On two cross country flights, the disgusting trend continues.  People walking into a plane bathroom without their shoes on.

#LenSpeaks  These are the same idiots who insist on using hand sanitizers ten times a day.

#LenSpeaks  Yeah, the economy is really improving.  My friends, who have been out of work for a year or more, are no longer considered unemployed.  That's because their benefits ran out.

#LenSpeaks  Meanwhile, was there any more stupid sight than seeing Obama sing a jam set with Jimmy Fallon on "Late Night?"  The dignity of the office reaches its lowest point ever.

#LenSpeaks  Obama is trying to appeal to the younger demos.  So, he was on the right show.  There are about ten of them watching that piece of junk.

#LenSpeaks  When can we get the President on the Fear Factor?  I'd love to see him submerged in a hole full of snakes.  Oh, wait, he'd probably be at home there.

#LenSpeaks  Both the Mets and the Dodgers have gotten off to good starts.  Uh oh, the inevitable fall will be ugly.

#LenSpeaks  Citi Field is growing on me.  It's very roomy.  But, then again, that's what happens when nobody goes to the games.

#LenSpeaks  I'm taking a poll.  Who has more fans?  The Mets or Oprah Winfrey's TV network?

#LenSpeaks  The results are in.  The Mets have more.  They're at least in double figures.

#LenSpeaks  Maury Wills sitting two rows away from me at the Dodger home opener. I wanted to ask if he was still in touch with Doris Day.

Dinner last night:  Grilled hamsteak, corn, and beets.