Your Weekend Movie Guide for January 2014

Here's a great validation of our upside down movie going world.  Back in 1953, the new Cinemascope process allowed you to "see it without glasses."  Now in 2014, old films are being remade in 3-D and people run so they can see them with glasses.

Meanwhile, nothing out on our screens this weekend can match up with the films of decades gone by.  I just watched this little gem on Turner Classic Movies.  It was the first widescreen movie ever filmed, although it wound up to be the second one released.   Whatever the case, it was sheer enjoyment.

With or without specs, here's what we're forced to endure this weekend at the local movie houses.  You know my monthly drill by now.  I'll sift through the LA Times entertainment section to give your my gut, knee-jerk reaction to the junk being unloaded this week.  Instead of 3-D glasses, how about these theaters provide us with blindfolds?

The Wolf of Wall Street:  What happens if you mix Merrill-Lynch with Goodfellas.  Three hours long and there's not a single commandment in it.

Inside Llewyn Davis:  Recently reviewed here.  Sorry to say.  Even the Coen Brothers can stink it up.  Critics love it.  Name me one critic you trust any more.

August: Osage County:  The play was three hours long.  The movie is an hour shorter.  Even it gets down to thirty seconds, I will recommend you see it.  Lots of family angst from a family you hate.  Didn't we just do this at Christmas?

Her:  A very clever film that runs out of gas.  About an hour in, you want to reboot the computer.

Gravity:  Months after its original release, it's still missing a decent script.

Anchorman 2 - The Legend Continues:  Can we blame this on Chris Christie, too?

Frozen:   I know lots of people who saw this and loved it.  Maybe I should rent a child and see for myself.

Nebraska:  I thought it was one of the best movies of 2013.  But then I told you that several weeks ago.  If you still haven't seen it, your subscription to this blog will be cancelled.

American Hustle:   The best part of this movie is the 70s soundtrack.  So skip the film and head to iTunes.

Dallas Buyers Club:  Grim and unsettling, but this is Matthew McConaughey's Oscar nomination.  That's the equivalent of seeing the Virgin Mary at Fatima.

Paranormal Activity - The Marked Ones:  Pretty soon, the only people seeing this franchise will be invisible themselves.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty:  Friends have slammed this thing on Facebook.  Good enough for me.

Saving Mr. Banks:  Don't listen to the Disney haters and fact checkers.  This is a fun night at the movies.  Especially if you're a fan of the original "Mary Poppins."

Mandela - Long Walk to Freedom:  Did they finally bury the real guy?  Seems like that took longer than his jail sentence.

Grudge Match:   Raging Bull meets Rocky Balboa...literally.  The only people who are truly knocked out are the ones in the audience.

Lone Survivor:  A failed Navy SEAL mission in Afghanistan.  You mean there was just one?

Philomena:  Reviewed here and recommended as long as you don't go to see with a Catholic nun.

The Hunger Games - Catching Fire:  Catching fire with others, but my clothing is flame-retardant.

Dumbbells:  This has to be a documentary on the folks who programmed the Affordable Healthcare website.

Tyler Perry's A Medea Christmas:  I'm surprised this idiot doesn't have a movie ready for the Martin Luther King Day observance.

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow:  Hell, I didn't even like you today.

Jack Ryan - Shadow Recruit:  Chris Pine now stars as the hero fighting a terrorist plot to collapse the US economy.  Didn't this already happen?

Freezer:  A man get locked in a....wait for it...freezer.

Back in the Day:  An actor returns to his hometown for a reunion.  That's the entire plotline?  Really???

Ride Along:  A fast-talking security guard rides along with his cop-brother.  Starring Kevin Hart and Ice Cube.  Oh, that kind of brother.

The Nut Job:  A cartoon about a squirrel.  Or a biopic of Joe Biden.

Jamesy Boy:  A teenage criminal winds up in a maximum security prison.  Pass the soap, please.

Reasonable Doubt:  An attorney flees the scene of a fatal accident.   I see Samuel L. Jackson's name in the cast list.  I will be fleeing the scene of this movie.

The Bank Thief:   While subjected to the horrors of World War II Germany, young Liesel finds solace by stealing books and sharing them with others. Under the stairs in her home, a Jewish refugee is being sheltered by her adoptive parents.  Sounds like the Third Reich has stock in Amazon.

The Hobbit - The Desolation of Smaug:  That's a mouthful to say when you walk up to the box office.

47 Ronin:  A band of samurai set out to avenge the death and dishonor of their master at the hands of a ruthless shogun.  Keanu Reeves is the star, so this gives you a rough idea how far his career has fallen.

The Invisible Woman:   At the height of his career, Charles Dickens meets a younger woman who becomes his secret lover until his death.  With some Viagra, he can achieve those great expectations.

The Best Offer:  A master auctioneer becomes obsessed with an extremely reclusive heiress who collects fine art.  Oh, I'm sorry.  Was I drooling in my sleep?

Big Bad Wolves:   A series of brutal murders puts the lives of three men on a collision course.  The Three Little Pigs may have been wrong.

Meanwhile, for those keeping track of my Oscar pool, the nomination rounds finds me with a point total of 27.  I am three behind Lorraine and two ahead of Dennis.

Dinner last night:  Steak, potato, and mixed vegetables.