455: EMPEROR PETRONIUS MAXIMUS IS STONED TO DEATH BY AN ANGRY MOB IN ROME.
Well, you didn't think the mob was going to be happy, did you?
526: A DEVASTATING EARTHQUAKE STRIKES ANTIOCH KILLING 250,000.
250,000 will hit "Devastating" on my meter.
1578: KING HENRY III LAYS THE FIRST STONE OF THE PONT NEUF BRIDGE IN FRANCE.
Some Frenchmen will lay anything.
1669: CITING POOR EYESIGHT, SAMUEL PEPYS RECORDS THE LAST EVENT IN HIS DIARY.
How could he see if it really was the last one?
1852: THE AMUSEMENT PARK, EFTELING IN THE NETHERLANDS, OPENS.
Oh, F Teling.
1859: THE CLOCK TOWER AT THE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT, WHICH HOUSES BIG BEN, STARTS KEEPING TIME.
Must be a bitch to put a battery into that thing.
1879: GILMORES GARDEN IN NEW YORK CITY IS RENAMED MADISON SQUARE GARDEN AND IS OPENED AT 26TH STREET AND MADISON AVENUE.
Probably was a dump like the next one and the one after that.
1889: OVER 2,200 PEOPLE DIE AFTER A DAM FAILS AND SENDS A 60 FOOT WALL OF WATER OVER JOHNSTOWN, PENNSYLVANIA.
So I'm thinking two sand bags won't work.
1894: COMIC FRED ALLEN IS BORN.
The guy was very funny.
1908: ACTOR DON AMECHE IS BORN.
And won an Oscar almost 76 years later.
1909: THE NATIONAL NEGRO COMMITTEE, FORERUNNER TO THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF COLORED PEOPLE, CONVENES FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Since they hate these names so much, how come the NAACP has never changed their name? Too cheap to buy new letterhead??
1923: PRINCE RAINIER OF MONACO IS BORN.
Boy, did he luck out in the wife department?
1927: THE LAST FORD MODEL T ROLLS OFF THE ASSEMBLY LINE AFTER A PRODUCTION RUN OF 15,008,003 VEHICLES.
And how many recalls?
1930: ACTOR/DIRECTOR CLINT EASTWOOD IS BORN.
Forget his politics. This guy can make good movies.
1942: WORLD WAR II - JAPANESE NAVY MIDGET SUBMARINES BEGIN A SERIES OF ATTACKS ON SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA.
I think the current term is "little people submarines."
1943: FOOTBALL STAR JOE NAMATH IS BORN.
Hiccup.
1961: THE UNION OF SOUTH AFRIC BECOMES THE REPUBLIC OF SOUTH AFRICA.
Merely lipstick on a pig.
1965: ACTRESS BROOKE SHIELDS IS BORN.
You gotta admit she was hot back in the day.
1970: HOCKEY PLAYER TERRY SAWCHUK DIES.
If I remember correctly, he got the shit kicked out of him by a teammate. I wonder how penalty minutes that is.
1971: IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE UNIFORM MONDAY HOLIDAY ACT PASSED BY THE US CONGRESS IN 1968, OBSERVATION OF MEMORIAL DAY OCCURS ON THE LAST MONDAY IN MAY FOR THE FIRST TIME, RATHER THAN ON THE TRADITIONAL MEMORIAL DAY OF MAY 30.
I remember my grandmother getting really mad about this. "So these stupid politicians can get a long weekend."
1972: DODGER MANAGER DAVE ROBERTS IS BORN.
Hope you get a win today.
1077: HORROR MOVIE PRODUCER WILLIAM CASTLE DIES.
Now in Casket-O-Vision.
1983: BOXER JACK DEMPSEY DIES.
Not getting up this time.
1985: FORTY-ONE TORNADOES HIT OHIO, PENNSYLVANIA, NEW YORK, AND ONTARIO, LEAVING 76 DEAD.
Close the windows.
1996: AUTHOR TIMOTHY LEARY DIES.
The druggie, not the baseball pitcher.
2001: TV PERSONALITY ARLENE FRANCIS DIES.
Classy lady.
2005: VANITY FAIR REVEALS THAT MARK FELT WAS "DEEP THROAT."
The tattler, not the porno movie.
2013: ACTRESS JEAN STAPLETON DIES.
Oh. Oooooh. OOOOOOOOOooooooh!
2014: ACTRESS MARTHA HYER DIES.
And she really is higher now.
Dinner last night: Rib eye steak and pan roasted tomatoes in balsamic jam.
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