Back in 2007, when I first started this blog, one of the major features was my weekly review of the proceedings on the then-Fox show "American Idol." It was so much fun to be snarky about the program. And, frankly, during those years, America was consumed with all things Idol. You had your favorites. You waited anxiously to hear what Simon Cowell had to say. I will even admit to having dialed in with a vote from time to time.
Pretty quickly, I lost interest and eventually so did the rest of the country. As soon as Cowell left, the judges lost their bite and the ensuing conga line of the likes of Jennifer Lopez and Keith Urban were as uninteresting as the contestants.
I also started to realize that the show was incredibly manipulative to the extent of being practically rigged. I mean, how is that they always managed to find some sob story amongst the early contestants and then that person managed to go to the top 12. It seemed way too convenient.
When Idol went off the air two years ago, I might have watched the final episode for old time's sake. Or maybe I didn't. That's how memorable it all had become for me.
But, in 2018 where prime time television has probably just four or five useful ideas, ABC chose to resurrect Idol because "America was clamoring for it." If they were, it was the quietest clamoring in history. Perhaps it was all conjured up because people were distressed that Ryan Seacrest actually had less than five full time jobs on television. I know I was worried that there might be an hour or two of the day without Ryan.
I was more than a little disgusted that ABC brought Idol back at all. You see, I had a friend whose hour-long drama was all set to make it to the schedule. Except, once the network struck a deal with Idol, they needed to clear three or four hours of the prime time schedule for it. There went some pretty promising shows. There went my friend's program.
I have been watching the ratings since Idol came back and I noticed that all the clamoring isn't being translated to audience metrics. To say that nobody seems to care is an understatement.
But, I was curious enough to watch a couple of weeks in a row. And, boy, was I sorry I did.
First off, the whole thing seems to be as mechanical as it ever was. Some people might like to wear an old sweater. The problem is that this version of Idol is moth-eaten, right down to Seacrest's overly amped "dim the lights."
Then there is the manipulation of the audience with the absolutely saddest stories from contestants. Here's somebody born with just one leg and one arm. Prop them and they will sing their heart out covering some Adele ballad. It's amazing how the producers manage to find those tales. And then, once again, the same contestants somehow succeed. Ugh.
Perhaps the worst part of this new iteration is the judging crew. It's headed by Lionel Ritchie and he's obviously involved to pay off some extensive plastic surgery bills. Then there's Luke Bryan and I will wait a moment while you stifle a yawn.
And then there's Katy Perry who is a complete idiot. The major problem is that, unlike the original judges, Perry has totally forgotten that she's not the star of the show. All her critiques are essentially all about her. When one young and good looking metal rocker did his number, her histrionics were embarrassing up to the point where she pretended to faint on the stage. The sad part is that somebody took the time to revive her.
I doubt I'll watch any more of "American Idol," but I also realize I will likely be drawn to the finale out of sheer boredom. And I will lament whoever made the decision that America was actually dying to see more of this mess.
But then there are folks out there who like to rubberneck car crashes.
Dinner last night: Hamburger.
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