What are the big cinematic attractions this April? You know the drill, gang. I'll sift through the entertainment pages of the Los Angeles Times and give you my knee jerk reaction to what's out there.
Looking at this ad, I barely remember this Disney movie. But it's still likely to be ten times better than anything playing in 2018.
Beirut: I remember Eddie Murphy's old joke on SNL. "Beirut? The guy on the Yankees?"
Ready Player One: Lots of video game folks ran to see this. I am not so I did not.
Lean on Pete: I hear great things about this boy and his horse tale.
A Quiet Place: A horror movie that features virtually no dialogue. Because if you speak, the monsters kill you. If only this was real life.
Blockers: Parents dealing with their 16-year-old daughters' contest on losing virginity. By the way, it is allegedly a comedy.
Sweet Country: An Aboriginal man goes on the run after he kills a white man in self-defense. When does the sweet stuff come in?
Isle of Dogs: Animated and the trailer seemed stupid. Woof.
You Were Never Really Here: Okay, I won't be.
The Death of Stalin: A great comedy about the death of the dictator. Laughs aplenty. I mean it.
Finding Your Feet: On the eve of retirement a middle class, a judgmental snob discovers her husband has been having an affair with her best friend and is forced into exile with her bohemian sister who lives on an impoverished inner-city council estate. And say that three times fast.
The Rider: A true story about a young rodeo star who suffers a head injury after falling off his horse. Christopher Reeve should have taken note.
Chappaquiddick: Reviewed here the other day. An annoying reminder about how dumb Teddy Kennedy...and subsequently the state of Massachusetts...were.
Where Is Kyra: Michelle Pfeiffer is a fragile woman is already stressed from a fast-paced world when her mother dies and she must find a means for survival while hiding her struggles from her new boyfriend. Kiefer Sutherland is the boyfriend and any of his love interests are immediately doomed.
The Leisure Seeker: Helen Mirren and Donald Sutherland find romance. Great to see father and son working.
Rampage: Dwayne Johnson as....oh, who am I kidding?
Tomb Raider: Who is Lara Croft and why does she get movies made about her?
I Can Only Imagine: There's no logline so I guess the title is appropriate.
The Miracle Season: A high school girls' volleyball team loses its star player to a tragic accident. So this is not about the 1969 Mets?
Sherlock Gnomes: Gnome way.
Black Panther: Been there, hated that.
Acrimony: Tyler Perry's latest...and who am I kidding again?
Love, Simon: A gay teenager looks for love. Just like Andy Hardy except he was straight.
Super Troopers 2: A second one?? Already???
Dolphins: Another Disney nature movie...this one about...guess? Flipper's attorney on line 3.
Duck Duck Goose: A cartoon feature about...guess again?
The House of Tomorrow: A 16-year-old lives with Grandma (Ellen Burstyn) in a geodesic dome. Astroturf optional.
Ghost Stories: These titles are getting too easy.
Gray Matter: Aliens walk the country. Build the wall. Oh, wait...different aliens.
Let's Kill Grandpa This Christmas: Just so you know this title isn't a metaphor, the family really wants to kill him this Christmas.
Little Pink House: A small-town paramedic. Sounds more like a TV series on Lifetime.
I Feel Pretty: An Amy Schumer comedy. For me, that's always a tragedy.
Kodachrome: Ed Harris and Jason Sudeikis play a father and son on the road looking to develop a roll of film. Where's a Fotomat when you need one?
Dinner last night: Hot dog at Shake Shack.
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