48 BC: JULIUS CAESAR BARELY AVOID A CATASTROPHIC DEFEAT TO POMPEY IN MACEDONIA.
And, to make matters worse, there were no anchovies for his salad.
138: EMPEROR HADRIAN DIES AFTER A HEART ATTACK. HE IS BURIED AT ROME IN THE TOMB OF HADRIAN BESIDE HIS LATE WIFE, VIBIA SABINA.
Vibia, I love your airline.
1099: EL CID DIES.
Nine hundred years later, they made a movie.
1212: THE MOST SEVERE OF SEVERAL EARLY FIRES OF LONDON BURNS MOST OF THE CITY TO THE GROUND.
Mrs. O'Leary's Cow Goes Abroad.
1499: PORTUGUESE EXPLORER NICOLAU COELHO RETURNS TO LISBON, AFTER DISCOVERING THE SEA ROUTE TO INDIA AS A COMPANION OF VASCO DA GAMA.
"Companion?" Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
1553: LADY JANE GREY TAKES THE THRONE OF ENGLAND.
Sending her hubby Earl out for a cup of tea.
1778: LOUIS XVI OF FRANCE DECLARES WAR ON THE KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN.
Sure, they want to put up a fight now.
1821: THE UNITED STATES TAKES POSSESSION OF FLORIDA FROM SPAIN.
In the middle of July??? With that humidity???!!!
1850: MILLARD FILLMORE IS INAUGURATED AS THE 13TH PRESIDENT OF THE US UPON THE DEATH OF ZACHARY TAYLOR.
Which reminds me...we really don't want Obama to die in office, do we?
1890: WYOMING IS ADMITTED AS THE 44TH US STATE.
Well, the scenery is nice.
1913: DEATH VALLEY, CALIFORNIA HITS 134 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT, THE HIGHEST RECORDED TEMPERATURE IN THE US.
Hence the name.
1920: JOURNALIST DAVID BRINKLEY IS BORN.
Paging Chet Huntley.
1921: BOXER JAKE LA MOTTA IS BORN.
I didn't go down, Ray.
1921: EUNICE KENNEDY SHRIVER IS BORN.
Arnold's ex-mother-in-law.
1921: BLOODY SUNDAY IN BELFAST. 16 PEOPLE ARE KILLED AND 161 HOUSES DESTROYED DURING RIOTING IN IRELAND.
You still want to argue that the Irish are misunderstood?
1922: AUTHOR JEAN KERR IS BORN.
While you're here, please don't eat the daisies.
1923: PRODUCER EARL HAMNER JR. IS BORN.
Good morning, John Boy.
1924: WRESTLER BOBO BRAZIL IS BORN.
One of my grandmother's favorites.
1925: MEHER BABA BEGINS HIS SILENCE OF 44 YEARS.
If only Mrs. Baba would have shut up.
1925: IN DAYTON, TENNESSEE, THE SO-CALLED MONKEY TRIAL BEGINS WITH JOHN T. SCOPES, A YOUNG HIGH SCHOOL SCIENCE TEACHER ACCUSED OF TEACHING EVOLUTION.
Inherit the Blowhard.
1926: ACTOR FRED GWYNNE IS BORN.
Lily!
1927: NYC MAYOR DAVID DINKINS IS BORN.
Perhaps the worst leader of that city ever. Until DeBlasio.
1931: COMPOSER JERRY HERMAN IS BORN.
He's alive. These are the best of times!
1938: HOWARD HUGHES SETS A NEW RECORD BY COMPLETING A 91 HOUR AIRPLANE FLIGHT AROUND THE WORLD.
Try that flight in coach, please.
1940: THE VICHY GOVERNMENT IS ESTABLISHED IN FRANCE.
After the scummy French collapse like a broken beach chair.
1940: THE BATTLE OF BRITAIN - THE GERMAN LUFTWAFFE BEGINS ATTACKING BRITISH CONVOYS IN THE ENGLISH CHANNEL.
And President Roosevelt still doesn't move. Well, of course, he can't.
1941: PIANIST JELLY ROLL MORTON DIES.
Make mine custard.
1947: MUHAMMAD ALI JINNAH IS RECOMMENDED AS THE FIRST GOVERNOR-GENERAL OF PAKISTAN.
Only after Sonny Liston Jinnah turns down the job.
1962: TELSTAR, THE WORLD'S FIRST COMMUNICATIONS SATELLITE, IS LAUNCHED INTO ORBIT.
After a fight with Ralph Kramden.
1973: JOHN PAUL GETTY III, GRANDSON OF OIL MAGNATE J. PAUL GETTY, IS KIDNAPPED IN ROME, ITALY.
Now that's what I call a ransom.
1978: BUSINESSMAN JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER DIES.
Unlike his brother, he wasn't found dead with some tramp.
1979: CONDUCTOR ARTHUR FIEDLER DIES.
Popped.
1989: ACTOR MEL BLANC DIES.
That's all, folks.
1992: IN MIAMI, FLORIDA, FORMER PANAMANIAN LEADER MANUEL NORIEGA IS SENTENCED TO 40 YEARS IN PRISON FOR DRUG AND RACKETEERING VIOLATIONS.
Bye.
1998: THE DIOCESE OF DALLAS AGREES TO PAY $23.4 MILLION TO NINE FORMER ALTAR BOYS WHO WERE SEXUALLY ABUSED BY PRIESTS.
But they were isolated incidents.
2005: HURRICANE DENNIS SLAMS INTO THE FLORIDA PANHANDLE, CAUSING BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN DAMAGE.
Oh, Dennis......
2015: ACTOR OMAR SHARIF DIES.
Zhivago, Zhivago, a helluva town.
Dinner last night: Broccoli in olive oil and Balsamic vinegar.
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