A Black and White Wednesday

If they can co-exist so well on a cookie, why not in America?

---Here's why.

---Have you filled out your Census yet? Are you conflicted over your race and ethnicity?

---If so, you've got plenty of company. For instance, take the President.

---Please. Thank you, Henny Youngman.

---After reminding us constantly that it was not about race and that he had a White mother and grandmother, Obummer fills out his form and checks the box "Black."

---Well, that settles that.

---Not that it makes.

---They kept telling us it didn't.

---Of course, at the same time, they kept reminding us that it did.

---But, what the hell, I wrote down that I was Chinese.

---What's even more laughable are these allegations that tea parties are nothing but Klan meetings. I went to one last week and I didn't see a single white sheet.

---Although I did see some white pants and it's not even Memorial Day.

---These days, there's only discrimination and racism when the Democrats want to bring it up.

---At the end of the day, what difference does it make if the Census thinks you're White, Black, or Yellow? Aren't you still just one person regardless?

---Er, probably not.

---And I just realized that I forgot to mention the twelve Indians living in my walk-in closet.

---Somebody asked Obummer a question about health care and he talked for seventeen minutes.

---With the teleprompter, it would have been sixteen minutes.

---This is a guy who needs Cliff Notes to answer the question "what time is it?"

---"Er, time? Well, that's a good question. Hmm, time? Okay, when George Bush was President, nobody cared about time."

---"Now, the Republicans...they'll mention time and then accuse you of hiding it. But, you ask me the time and I can tell you what it is."

---"Time is ultimately unimportant in the great scheme of things. I was thinking about the correct time when I was doing my NCAA brackets just the other day."

---"Okay, what was the question again?"

---Meanwhile, POTUS threw out the first ball at the Washington Nationals' home opener.

---The pitch was off the mark and way to the left. The usual.

---Afterwards, Obummer was interviewed about his hometown team, the Chicago White Sox. And couldn't recall the name of a single player.

---But remembered that the team played in Co-minsky Park.

---I wonder if he was there the night they raided Co-minsky's.

---Have you seen a bigger hunk of junk than the iPad??

---Who the fuck wants to carry around a snack tray all day?

---I can read a magazine, too. Without the iPad. Wanna know who?

---I buy the friggin' magazine and open it!

---The thing weighs a pound and a half. An average magazine is how many ounces??

---How stupid a public are we?

---I'll tell you. We watch programs like "Dancing with the Stars" and "Real Housewives."

---If you wonder why God is giving us mine disasters and earthquakes, he's monitoring our television viewing.

---And to those of you who checked in with me after the Easter Sunday earthquake, thank you.

---To those of you who didn't...well, you weren't getting much money from my will anyway.

Dinner last night: Egg salad sandwich.