Back in October 1954, "White Christmas" was playing at the Radio City Music Hall. Talk about getting the jump on the holiday season. This is one of my favorite movies playing in one of my favorite movie palaces. We're not so lucky these days. Trying to find a good movie to see every weekend is like trying to hit the lottery.
You regular readers know the drill. I'll comb through the LA Times and review the movie advertisements. I'll give you my gut reaction on the junk that's out there smelling up your local multiplex dump. God bless Tiny Tim and us all.
Secretariat: I saw it two weekends ago, as if my horse-racing-fan father was sending me messages from above. "Go see Secretariat. Go see Secretariat." I remember my dad sitting me down to watch the real horse run the Triple Crown. The movie's perfectly fine family entertainment. Just don't expect a surprise ending.
The Social Network: You read this blog, right? Regularly? If you're wondering what I thought of this movie, you need to scroll back to last Tuesday.
Kalamity: A man returns to his hometown to see old friends only to discover that something mysterious is going on with one of them. Obviously, a sinister need to misspell the word "calamity."
Paranormal Activity 2: If it's anything like the first snoozefest, Ambien may be out of business.
GhettoPhysics: Explores the way in which the relationships between prostitutes and pimps is emblematic of the wider social power structure. Oh. And here I am thinking that the movie was originally called "Mr. Wizard Goes to Harlem."
My Dog Tulip: Animated film details the bond between an author and his German Shepherd. Maybe it's me, but Tulip should not be the name of a German Shepherd. That's like naming a Chihuahua "Killer."
Jackass 3D: The third installment of one man's attempt to torment the rectal cavity of midgets.
Life As We Know It: Katherine Heigl is the Latin translation for "No Fucking Way."
It's Kind of a Funny Story: Starring that annoying Zach Galifianakis, so I'm guessing the story really isn't.
Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives: Bubbles Cliquot and her band of fellow transgender vixens seek revenge against a rapist. It's not available yet on Netflix. I know, because I already checked.
Carlos: A five-hour chronicle of a Venezuela-born terrorist. Five minutes would be too long for me.
Hereafter: Clint Eastwood explores death. After all those years killing people as Dirty Harry, it's probably about time. I generally don't miss his stuff, but this one sounds a little morose.
The Town: Ben Affleck directs and stars in some overrated swill about a bunch of Boston bank robbers. I saw it and was appalled by the language. When does the word "fuck" become a character description? I would dismiss it totally except for the great location shots of Fenway Park in the last half-hour.
Wall Street - Money Never Sleeps: But the audience does.
Waiting for Superman: You read this blog, right? Regularly? If you're wondering what I thought of this movie, you need to scroll back to Tuesday of last week. Jeez, do you have any kind of memory retention whatsoever?
You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger: Woody Allen's annual demonstration that it's now time for him to retire. I may wait for the sequel. "You Will Meet a Short Asian Teenager."
Nowwhere Boy: A chronicle of John Lennon's childhood. Let's just hope he doesn't take Yoko to the junior prom.
Red: Bruce Willis and a bunch of other old farts shoot up a lot of stuff. I may wait for Bruce's next movie. "Die Already."
I Spit on Your Grave: Something tells me this isn't a documentary about a water shortage at Ferncliff Cemetery.
The Last Play at Shea: A documentary about the very last rock concert held at Shea Stadium. Billy Joel's life is juxtaposed against the history of the ballpark. I'm on line as I type this. I've already backordered the DVD. Does it sound like I'm very interested?
Legends of the Guardians - The Owls of Ga'hoole: I can't imagine how anybody could ask for this movie when you get to the box office. Why don't you make it easy on yourself and simply say "Secretariat?"
My Soul To Take: I pray the Lord this movie to bomb. Amen.
Inhale: A couple go to dangerous lengths to find a lung donor for their daughter. Folks, this is what happens when you let your five-year-old smoke Newports.
Budrus: Documentary about a Palestinian leader who brought together Fatah, Hamas, and Israelis in an unarmed movement to save his village from destruction. Er, no. If you're in the mood for a story like this, you're better off with an episode of "The Andy Griffith Show." Barney didn't have any bullets in his gun either.
Conviction: No information, but I'm pretty sure it's not starring OJ Simpson.
Inside Job: A documentary on the recent financial collapse. If your 401K is still under water, you mght want to save money and go to the bargain matinee.
Never Let Me Go: Three childhood school friends can't let go of each other when they becomes adults. Thank goodness most of my chums from grammar school were "cling free."
Stone: Robert DeNiro battles Edward Norton in this tale about an arsonist. I hear the film rarely catches on fire.
Easy A: An even easier D-.
Tamara Drewe: A young newspaper writer returns to her hometown in the English countryside, where her childhood home is being prepped for sale. When a simple yawn just isn't enough...
Dinner last night: Chicken cutlets with macaroni and cheese.
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