451: DURING THE BATTLE OF CHALONS, FLAVIUS AETIUS BATTLES ATTILA THE HUN, WHO ULTIMATELY RETREATS.
Who knew that Attila was such a freakin' wimp?
1605: AFTER ONLY THREE MONTHS AS TSAR, 16-YEAR-OLD FEODOR II OF RUSSIA IS ASSASSINATED.
Well, that means there's some girl in Russia without a prom date.
1685: JAMES SCOTT, IST DUKE OF MONMOUTH, DECLARES HIMSELF KING OF ENGLAND.
Later to be outdone by the Prince of Aqueduct and the Earl of Hialeah.
1756: A BRITISH GARRISON IS IMPRISONED IN THE BLACK HOLE OF CALCUTTA.
But, isn't Calcutta a black hole all by itself?
1782: THE US CONGRESS ADOPTS THE GREAT SEAL OF THE UNITED STATES.
The seal was later on display at Sea World.
1787: OLIVER ELLSWORTH MOVES AT THE FEDERAL CONVENTION TO CALL THE GOVERNMENT THE UNITED STATES.
Remember when we had a Constitution that people actually respected?
1819: THE US VESSEL, SS SAVANNAH, ARRIVES AT LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND. SHE IS THE FIRST STEAM-PROPELLED VESSEL TO CROSS THE ATLANTIC, ALTHOUGH MOST OF THE JOURNEY IS MADE UNDER SAIL.
Sounds like a scam to me. How do we know how much distance was done via steam and how much was done with the sails?
1837: QUEEN VICTORIA SUCCEEDS TO THE BRITISH THRONE.
Later on, she made a nifty gas guzzler of a car.
1840: SAMUEL MORSE RECEIVES THE PATENT FOR THE TELEGRAPH.
Dot dot dash dash dot dash dot.
1863: WEST VIRGINIA IS ADMITTED AS THE 35TH US STATE.
Effectively lowering the national IQ by 50 points.
1877: ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL INSTALLS THE WORLD'S FIRST COMMERCIAL TELEPHONE SERVICE IN CANADA.
In Canada??? Who knew??? Nobody called to tell me.
1893: LIZZIE BORDEN IS ACQUITTED OF THE MURDERS OF HER FATHER AND STEPMOTHER.
If the axe doesn't fit, you must acquit.
1900: DURING THE BOXER REBELLION, THE IMPERIAL CHINESE ARMY BEGINS A 55-DAY SIEGE IN BEIJING, CHINA.
I knew boxers would rebel if the briefs got too uppity.
1909: ACTOR ERROL FLYNN IS BORN.
Just what the hell is a swashbuckler anyway?
1920: MY FATHER IS BORN.
Had this not happened, you would not be reading about it in this blog.
1924: ACTOR AUDIE MURPHY IS BORN.
Somebody please tell me what Audie is short for.
1928: ACTOR MARTIN LANDAU IS BORN.
Mission conceivable.
1931: ACTRESS OLYMPIA DUKAKIS IS BORN.
She won an Oscar and is related to an inept Presidential candidate. The two most extreme ends of the spectrum.
1942: KAZIMIERZ PIECHOWSKI AND THREE OTHERS, DRESSED AS MEMBERS OF THE SS-TOTENKOPFVERBANDE, STEAL AN SS STAFF CAR AND ESCAPE FROM AUSCHWITZ.
It actually hurt my fingers to type the word "Totenkopfverbande."
1942: BEACH BOY BRIAN WILSON IS BORN.
Okay, this one was easier to type.
1943: THE DETROIT RACE RIOT BREAKS OUT AND CONTINUES FOR THREE MORE DAYS.
Merely a dress rehearsal for the big one twenty or so years later.
1946: TV HOST BOB VILA IS BORN.
Mr. Fix-it. I know people who have worked with him. The guy doesn't know how to use a hammer. You can't make this shit up.
1947: GANGSTER BUGSY SIEGEL DIES.
On somebody's windshield.
1948: TOAST OF THE TOWN, LATER THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW, MAKES ITS TELEVISION DEBUT.
Ladies and gentlemen, Wayne and Shuster.
1949: MUSICIAN LIONEL RICHIE IS BORN.
Say you? No, say me.
1952: ITALIAN RACE CAR DRIVER LUIGI FAGIOLI DIES.
I loved his pasta.
1959: A RARE JUNE HURRICANE STRIKES CANADA, KILLED 35.
But, thanks to Alexander Graham Bell's phone system up there, we were able to alert people.
1963: THE SO-CALLED RED TELEPHONE IS ESTABLISHED BETWEEN THE SOVIET UNION AND THE UNITED STATES FOLLOWING THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS.
Hello, Nikita, whatcha doin'?
1972: BUSINESSMAN HOWARD JOHNSON DIES.
He ran out of flavors.
1972: AN 18 1/2-MINUTE GAP APPEARS IN THE TAPE RECORDING OF THE CONVERSATIONS BETWEEN US PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON AND HIS ADVISORS REGARDING THE RECENT ARRESTS OF HIS OPERATIVES WHILE BREAKING INTO WATERGATE.
"I am crook."
1978: DIRECTOR MARK ROBSON DIES.
He did Peyton Place among some tawdry others.
1990: ASTEROID EUREKA IS DISCOVERED.
Eureka, it's Eureka!
2003: THE WIKIMEDIA FOUNDATION IS FOUNDED IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLORIDA.
And I wouldn't know this except for Wikipedia.
Dinner last night: Roast beef sandwich and salad.
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