The bad news is that we will likely not rise to this level of class this weekend. Multiplexes have become nothing but dumpsters. Pick the garbage you want. Sometimes available on multiple screens.
You know my monthly drill. I will scout through the movie pages of the Los Angeles Times and give you my knee-jerk reaction to the trash that's playing at a theater near you. Please plan to activate your gag reflex frequently.
What to Expect When You're Expecting: I don't want to get into the very convoluted explanation as to how I saw this movie. But I did. The eye doctor tells me my vision should be back to normal in six weeks. I guess this is exactly what I should have expected to happen. Avoid it at all costs, especially for an incredibly dreadful performance by Cameron Diaz.
Madagascar 3 - Europe's Most Wanted: I thought this was a documentary about green energy. "Mad at Gas Cars." As bad a joke as that was, it's probably ten times better than anything you'd see in this cartoon.
Men in Black 3: Hated the first one. Avoided the second one. But the trailer tells me the movie is set around Shea Stadium at the time of the Mets' 1969 World Series win. Hmmm?
Prometheus: It got decent reviews as a popcorn movie, so I am "bound" to see it.
Hysteria: About the invention of the female vibrator. Obviously begging for a sequel when somebody comes up with the idea for an extension cord.
Moonrise Kingdom: A little gem and reviewed here earlier this week. Go read my entry from last Tuesday and then see this movie please.
The Dictator: A Sascha Baron Cohen comedy. And which one of those words doesn't fit in that sentence?
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel: Brits running around on vacation in modern-day India. There better be at least one good "call center" gag.
Battleship: Stay home and play the Hasbro game instead.
Marvel's The Avengers: I still haven't bothered. Aren't you proud of me?
Snow White and the Huntsman: Looking at IMDB for this twist on the legendary fairy tale, I notice all the dwarf names are different. Why no Dopey? Were they afraid that Joe Biden would sue?
Lola Versus: Dumped by her boyfriend just three weeks before their wedding, Lola enlists her close friends for a series of adventures she hopes will help her come to terms with approaching 30 as a single woman. Sound clever and original? That was the pitch meeting for the "Mary Tyler Moore Show" back in 1970!!
The Intouchables: After he becomes a quadriplegic from a paragliding accident, an aristocrat hires a young man from the projects to be his caretaker. So no Eliot Ness??? What's the point???
Peace, Love and Misunderstanding: An uptight NYC lawyer takes her two teenagers to her hippie mother's farmhouse upstate for a family vacation. Jane Fonda is the love child mommy. And I bet she still fits into all those tie-dyed jeans.
Bel Ami: A chronicle of a young man's rise to power in Paris via his manipulation of the city's most influential and wealthy women. Robert Pattinson is the guy, so don't expect to see a lot of mens' shirts. The audience will be full of old ladies and young gay men.
Chernobyl Diaries: Six tourists hire an extreme tour guide who takes them to the abandoned city Pripyat, the former home to the workers of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor. During their exploration, they soon discover they are not alone. Just when you thought it was safe to go back near the power lines...
Rock of Ages: Anticipated adaptation of the overrated Broadway musical. A small town girl and a city boy meet on the Sunset Strip, while pursuing their Hollywood dreams. If you need more reasons to avoid this, here are two. Alec Baldwin. Tom Cruise.
That's My Boy: While still in his teens, Donny (Adam Sandler) fathered a son, Todd (Andy Samberg), and raised him as a single parent up until Todd's 18th birthday. Now, after not seeing each other for years, Todd's world comes crashing down. Wait! Did I say Adam Sandler??? Pass.
Your Sister's Sister: Iris invites her friend Jack to stay at her family's island getaway after the death of his brother. At their remote cabin, Jack's drunken encounter with Hannah, Iris' sister, kicks off a revealing stretch of days. I saw the trailer and the logline sounds exactly as bad as what I saw on the screen. Your sister's sister?? Your mother's bananas.
The Woman in the Fifth: A college lecturer flees to Paris after a scandal costs him his job. In the City of Lights, he meets a widow who might be involved in a series of murders. Ethan Hawke, Kristin Scott Thomas, and.......YAWN. Excuse me.
Bonsai: A struggling writer finds himself penning a book about his first love. A book? What? A blog ain't good enough for you?
The Girl from the Naked Eye: When Sandy, a call girl at "The Naked Eye", ends up dead, her friend and only ally in the world, Jake, goes on a manhunt to find out who killed her. Sounds like a TV Guide description for a "Peter Gunn" episode in 1959.
Music from the Big House: Rita Chiarelli's exploration of Louisiana's Angola Prison, its inmates and the blues music tradition they perform with her. I guess banging metal cups on prison bars can pass for music.
Ordinary Miracles - The Photo League's New York: A dcoumentary about New York photographers and documentarians from 1936 to 1951. A documentary about people making a documentary. Talk about a hamster wheel.
Something from Nothing - The Art of Rap: A documentary on rap music and its rise to global prominence. I can't wait to avoid this movie.
Dinner last night: Big dinner salad.
1 comment:
If you didnt like the first 2 Men in Black movies, you wont like the 3rd, but the '69 Mets do have a good sized roll. As for Prometheus, more intelligence and spectacle than action. Right up your alley.
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