We used to flock to this grand showplace on the corner of 50th Street and 6th Avenue every holiday. You could always count on a great movie, some Rockettes, and an animal or two. The latter could usually be seen outside a stage door on a....ahem....bathroom break.
Oh, how I wish we could do that again. PS, we can't. Today, we have multiplexes full of trash dumped on us by the idiots in Hollywood. Looking for a good movie to see is akin to finding a needle in a haystack.
You know the drill, gang. I'll flip through the entertainment pages of the Los Angeles Times and give you my gut reaction to the junk that's available on screens this weekend. Maybe we'll get lucky.
I doubt.
Here's a title I would consider: "Andy Hardy Looks for Something to See."
Muppets Most Wanted: I'm not hearing the same buzz for the sequel. I guess this is Muppets Less Wanted.
Mr. Peabody and Sherman: Perfectly fine as a small part of the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. But carrying their own movie? Over fifty years later???
Rio 2: It won't be number two with me. Right now, I'm at Rio 0.
The Unknown Known: Errol Morris' documentary on Donald Rumsfeld. With seeing a single frame, I know he won't come off well. Or maybe he shouldn't.
Tyler Perry's The Single Moms Club: I've never seen a Tyler Perry movie and I kind of proud of that.
Only Lovers Left Alive: Vampire love story set in Detroit. Hasn't that city suffered enough?
Nymphomaniac, Volume 1: Lars Von Trier's latest pool of his own sick. But, wait...
Nymphomaniac, Volume 2: I stand corrected. This is his latest pool of his own sick.
Noah: Ah, no.
Need For Speed: Aaron Paul in some Fast and Furious wannabe. Has he read what happened to Paul Walker?
Son of God: The Reader's Digest takes on the Bible.
Joe: Nicolas Cage as a hot-tempered ex-con. Has he ever made a movie where his character wasn't described as "hot-tempered?"
Draft Day: Reviewed just the other day. If you don't remember that, you're really not one of my regular readers, are you? Oh, by the way, the movie is terrific.
Divergent: Sounds like something you would see in a laundry room.
Dom Hemingway: Jude Law as either Ernest's grandson or Mariel's son.
The Lego Movie: I prefer movies that don't snap together.
The Grand Budapest Hotel: Quirky but fun. Reviewed here several weeks ago. You really don't see this blog regularly, do you?
Alan Partridge: I always wanted to know who was the father of that singing group.
Heaven Is For Real: Greg Kinnear as a father whose young son wakes up from a near-death experience. The rest of us will be simply waking up at the end of this movie.
Transcendence: Johnny Depp as a dead scientist whose mind and thoughts live on. Sounds weird but, then again, it is Johnny Depp.
Poseidon Rex: What the hell is this? An ocean liner full of dinosaurs that sinks?
The Galapagos Affair: Some new cartoon. What's the over/under that one of the characters is a turtle?
Fading Gigolo: A middle-aged florist become a male florist. It stars and was directed by John Turturro. But here's the shocker....I see Woody Allen's name in the cast. Wow. When was the last time he acted in a movie that he didn't direct???
13 Sins: A guy has to complete 13 unspeakable and sinister acts. If he's a politician, that's his first week in office.
Authors Anonymous: A young writers' group. Kaley Cuoco from "The Big Bang Theory" is in the cast, so I guess she did this film to get money to pay for her recent wedding.
Bears: A documentary about a bear family in Alaska. They will likely be made to appear lovable. Trust me. They are not.
Hateship Loveship: Kristen Wiig as a shy housekeeper for a mean-spirited teenage girl. Hazel didn't have such problems, but, frankly, who wanted to mess with Shirley Booth?
Breathe In: A visiting foreign exchange student takes up with Dad. That's what I call the good neighbor policy.
Finding Vivian Maier: A documentary about a street photographer. Find her? I didn't know who she was in the first place.
300 - Rise Of An Empire: Marked down to 299.
Captain America - The Winter Soldier: It's official. I'm completely done with Marvel Comics turning into movies.
Bad Words: Jason Bateman is the star and director of this comedy about a guy who enters a spelling bee for kids. Sounds C-L-E-V-E-R.
Bad Country: America in 2014. Well, it's really some cop drama with Matt Dillon and Willem Defoe, but I couldn't resist.
Under The Skin: Scarlett Johansson as an alien seductress preying upon hitchhikers in Scotland. Hoot man.
The Lunchbox: A romantic comedy from India where I don't think there are lunchboxes with Scooby Doo on them.
A Haunted House 2: Was there A Haunted House 1? Anybody?
Small Time: A young guy decides to skip college in favor of joining his father's used-car business. And that sounds so utterly uninteresting that I have nothing funny to say.
Tasting Menu: A couple makes a reservation for the best restaurant in the world for a year later. When the day arrives, they're separated and it is the last night the restaurant will be open. None of them will miss the culinary event. Doesn't sound like a great review on Yelp to me.
Cesar Chavez: Strictly for socialists and/or lovers of lettuce.
Jesus People: A fake documentary about a Christian rock band. Spinal Tap for New Testament fans.
Cuban Fury: Beneath Bruce Garrett's under-confident, overweight exterior, the passionate heart of a salsa king lies dormant. Now, one woman is about to reignite his Latin fire. Tito Puente Goes To Weight Watchers.
Just A Sigh: Two people fall in love on a train to Paris. Where can I get off, please?
Perfect Sisters: Tired of their mother's alcoholism and a string of her abusive boyfriends, two sisters plot to kill her. I assume this isn't from Disney.
The Raid 2: And one more time....was there really a The Raid 1?
The Railway Man: Colin Firth, Nicole Kidman, and intrigue at a WWII Japanese labor camp. Three things that don't sound like they fit perfectly together.
Dinner last night: Chinese vegetable stir fry.
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