599: MAYA KING UNEH CHAN OF CALAKMUL ATTACKS RIVAL CITY STATE PALENQUE IN SOUTHERN MEXICO, DEFEATING QUEEN YOHL IKNAI AND SACKING THE CITY.
Have some fun. See how many letters of the alphabet are in that sentence. And how many are missing. Answers later.
711: DAGOBERT III IS CROWNED KING OF THE FRANKS.
I thought that was Oscar Mayer. Just so you know, I use that joke every time one of these historical facts talks about the King of the Franks.
1016: EDMUND IRONSIDE SUCCEEDS HIS FATHER AS KING OF ENGLAND.
Cue the Quincy Jones theme.
1348: THE FOUNDING OF THE ORDER OF THE GARTER BY KING EDWARD III IS ANNOUNCED.
Please place it on the right leg of the bride and bring the best man forward.
1635: THE FIRST PUBLIC SCHOOL IN THE US, BOSTON LATIN SCHOOL, IS FOUNDED IN BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS.
By 1636, there were cries for integration.
1661: KING CHARLES II OF ENGLAND, SCOTLAND, AND IRELAND IS CROWNED.
He sure covers a lot of ground. And, for that matter, so did Jackie Gleason.
1815L THE SECOND SERBIAN UPRISING ERUPTS SHORTLY AFTER THE ANNEXATION OF THE COUNTRY TO THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE.
That quiz above. The opening sentence used 22 of 26 alphabet letters. Only B, J, W, and Z are not included.
1910: US PRESIDENT THEODORE ROOSEVELT MAKES HIS "THE MAN IN THE ARENA" SPEECH.
And that's a big deal, why?
1921: BASEBALL PITCHER WARREN SPAHN IS BORN.
Spahn and Sain and two days of labor pains.
1927: TURKEY BECOMES THE FIRST COUNTRY TO CELEBRATE CHILDREN'S DAY AS A NATIONAL HOLIDAY.
The second was Michael Jackson.
1928: ACTRESS SHIRLEY TEMPLE IS BORN.
First birthday in heaven.
1932: THE 153-YEAR-OLD DE ADRIAAN WINDMILL IN HAARLEM, NETHERLANDS BURNS DOWN.
So, is a basketball team over there called the Haarlem Globetrotters?
1935: THE POLISH CONSTITUTION OF 1935 IS ADOPTED.
You would think there would be an easy joke to write, wouldn't you?
1939: ACTOR LEE MAJORS IS BORN.
Or, in the case of this TV character, manufactured.
1942: ACTRESS SANDRA DEE IS BORN.
Look at me, I'm.....
1945: ADOLF HITLER'S DESIGNATED SUCCESSOR HERMANN GORING SENDS HIM A TELEGRAM ASKING PERMISSION TO TAKE LEADERSHIP OF THE THIRD REICH, WHICH CAUSES HITLER TO REPLACE HIM WITH JOSEPH GOEBBELS AND KARL DONITZ.
The final episodes.
1951: AMERICAN JOURNALIST WILLIAM N. OATIS IS ARRESTED FOR ESPIONAGE BY THE COMMUNIST GOVERNMENT OF CZECHOSLOVAKIA.
Oatis, Czech, please.
1954: FILMMAKER MICHAEL MOORE IS BORN.
Fat bastard.
1960: ACTRESS VALERIE BERTINELLI IS BORN.
God bless her.
1968: DURING THE VIETNAM WAR, STUDENT PROTESTERS AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY IN NEW YORK CITY TAKE OVER ADMINISTRATION BUILDINGS AND SHUT DOWN THE UNIVERSITY.
That's one way to avoid a pop quiz.
1983: ACTOR BUSTER CRABBE DIES.
Flash Gordon!
1985: COCA COLA CHANGES IT FORMULA AND RELEASES NEW COKE.
That was a bad idea that lasted just three months.
1986: SONGWRITER HAROLD ARLEN DIES.
His real name was Hyman Arluck. No fooling.
1986: DIRECTOR OTTO PREMINGER DIES.
Talk about an exodus.
1990: ACTRESS PAULETTE GODDARD DIES.
She shtupped Charlie Chaplin. Oh, and made some movies.
1993: FARM ACTIVIST CESAR CHAVEZ DIES.
He actually became a state holiday in California. Once again, no fooling.
1995: JOURNALIST HOWARD COSELL DIES.
That's another way to shut him up.
1996: AUTHOR P.L. TRAVERS DIES.
Nothing can save Mr. Banks now.
1998: ASSASSIN JAMES EARL RAY DIES.
Dirtbag.
2005: ACTOR JOHN MILLS DIES.
He was 97 at the time. Please, nobody say he died prematurely.
Dinner last night: Leftover bratwurst and sauerkraut.
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