285: DIOCLETIAN APPOINTS MAXIMIAN AS CAESAR, CO-RULER.
Co-ruler? Yeah, that never works.
306: CONSTANTINE I IS PROCLAIMED ROMAN EMPEROR BY HIS TROOPS.
Not even twenty years later and Maximian is out. Told ya so.
315: THE ARCH OF CONSTANTINE IS COMPLETED NEAR THE COLOSSEUM AT ROME TO COMMEMORATE HIS VICTORY OVER MEXENTIUS.
And what's these Romans' focus on naming their kids either Constantine or something beginning with "Max?"
864: THE EDICT OF PISTRES OF CHARLES THE BALD ORDERS DEFENSIVE MEASURES AGAINST THE VIKING.
A bald guy's defensive measures? Wouldn't that include Rogaine?
1261: THE CITY OF CONSTANTINOPLE IS RECAPTURED BY NICAEAN FORCES, RE-ESTABLISHING THE BYZANTINE EMPIRE.
And you thought all the shit was happening over in Rome....
1554: MARY I MARRIES PHILIP II OF SPAIN AT WINCHESTER CATHEDRAL.
"You're bringing me down. A vo de o doe, a vo de o doe....."
1593: HENRY IV OF FRANCE PUBLICLY CONVERTS FROM PROTESTANTISM TO ROMAN CATHOLICISM.
That's a new one. A lapsed Protestant.
1722: DUMMER'S WAR BEGINS ALONG THE MAINE-MASSACHUSETTS BORDER.
When did you ever hear of Maine fighting for anything???
1759: DURING THE FRENCH AND INDIAN WAR, BRITISH FORCES CAPTURE FORT NIAGARA FROM THE FRENCH.
They had them over a barrel. Yeah, I know. Groan.
1788: WOLFGANG MOZART COMPLETES HIS SYMPHONY NO. 40 IN G MINOR.
Musicians know what that means. I, however, do not.
1797; HORATIO NELSON LOSES MORE THAN 300 MEN AND HIS RIGHT ARM DURING A BATTLE IN SPAIN.
This is just a guess, but I'm thinking the arm pissed him off more than the men.
1837: THE FIRST COMMERCIAL USE OF AN ELECTRIC TELEGRAPH IS SUCCESSFULLY DEMONSTATED IN LONDON.
Dot dot dot dash dash dot dash.
1861: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS PASSES THE CRITTENDEN-JOHNSON RESOLUTION, STATING THAT THE WAR IS BEING FOUGHT TO PRESERVE THE UNION AND NOT TO END SLAVERY.
Yeah, right.
1894: THE FIRST SINO-JAPANESE WAR BEGINS WHEN THE JAPANESE FIRE UPON A CHINESE WARSHIP.
This is obviously page one in the Japs' playbook.
1894: ACTOR WALTER BRENNAN IS BORN.
"Pepino!"
1908: ACTOR JACK GILFORD IS BORN.
Cracker Jacks, anybody?
1917: SIR ROBERT BORDEN INTRODUCES THE FIRST INCOME TAX IN CANADA AS A TEMPORARY MEASURE.
I bet they say that to all the citizens.
1923: ACTRESS ESTELLE GETTY IS BORN.
She created the character of Sophia on "The Golden Girls." One of the great roles in sitcom history.
1925: ACTOR/DIRECTOR JERRY PARIS IS BORN.
Jerry Halper on the "Dick Van Dyke Show" and how bad was his eyesight to be married to Millie?
1942: NORWEGIAN MANIFESTO CALLS FOR NONVIOLENT RESISTANCE TO THE NAZIS.
Taking their cue from the scummy French people.
1943: BENITO MUSSOLINI IS FORCED OUT OF OFFICE BY HIS OWN ITALIAN GRAND COUNCIL.
They didn't want him hanging around any more.
1946: AT CLUB 500 IN ATLANTIC CITY, DEAN MARTIN AND JERRY LEWIS STAGE THEIR FIRST SHOW AS A COMEDY TEAM.
The hottest thing in show business for about ten years.
1961: IN A SPEECH, JOHN F. KENNEDY EMPHASIZES THAT ANY ATTACK ON BERLIN IS AN ATTACK ON NATO.
One wall going up, please.
1965: BOB DYLAN GOES ELECTRIC AS HE PLUGS IN AT THE NEWPORT JAZZ FESTIVAL.
I know somebody who once shared a limo with. He may not have bathed since July 25, 1965.
1967: ACTOR MATT LE BLANC IS BORN.
Translated, he is "Matt the White."
1978: LOUISE BROWN, THE WORLD'S FIRST TEST TUBE BABY, IS BORN.
How did they get it out???
1986: DIRECTOR VINCENTE MINNELLI DIES.
An American in Heaven.
1989: NIGHTCLUB OWNER STEVE RUBELL DIES.
From Studio 54 to Gravesite # 267.
1993: ISRAEL LAUNCHES A MASSIVE ATTACK AGAINST LEBANON IN WHAT THE ISRAELIS CALL OPERATION ACCOUNTABILITY.
Unlike Operation Petticoat, which was a hilarious movie from 1959.
1995: COUNTRY MUSICIAN CHARLIE RICH DIES.
So much for being Rich.
1997: GOLFER BEN HOGAN DIES.
Finishes two under ground.
2010: WIKILEAKS PUBLISHES CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS ABOUT THE WAR IN AFGHANISTAN, ONE OF THE LARGEST LEAKS IN U.S. MILITARY HISTORY.
To quote Ralph Kramden....."I'VE GOT A BIG MOUTH!!!"
2014: AUTHOR BEL KAUFMAN DIES.
Down the up staircase.
Dinner last night: Chicken sausage and cold salads.
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