Your Winning Oscar Ballot - Part 1

I'm back.   Like clockwork.

This is my annual public service to all of you who are participating in Academy Award office pools.   A little history.  I used to win mine all the time.   It was so habitual that my friends decided to disband our yearly clash.   But that doesn't mean I can't help you win something.   

Here's my picks for some of the awards being doled out this Sunday.   Today we'll do all the categories we usually ignore while eating chili at our Oscar parties.   I'll cover the big stuff on Thursday.

Best Live Action Short:  Len's foolproof rule to pick the winner of a category that has stuff nobody ever sees?  Look for the one that is closest to something in the headlines right now.  Save for a Live Action Short about the Trump Impeachment Trial, the short "Brotherhood" is about a Tunisian family, Iraq, Iran, and Muslims.   Ding.  THE WINNER IS "BROTHERHOOD."

Best Documentary Short:  See Len's foolproof rule to pick the winner of Best Live Action Short.  The title here is a big hint.  THE WINNER IS "LEARNING TO SKATEBOARD IN A WAR ZONE (IF YOU'RE A GIRL)."  Jeez, how many boxes can one film check??

Best Animated Short:  Sorry, no nomination this year for anything with Bugs Bunny.  Again we have to go the diversity route that is clogging our multiplexes.  There's one nominee that is all about an African-American dad doing his daughter's hair.   THE WINNER IS "HAIR LOVE."

Best Documentary Feature:  Here I think the Academy shows their love for the United States.   Four of the five nominees are all about troubles on other parts of the globe.   One is all about a General Motors plant here combating the competition from high tech China.  THE WINNER IS "AMERICAN FACTORY."

Best Animated Feature:  I'll go with the only one I saw and the only Pixar franchise I like.  THE WINNER IS "TOY STORY 4."

Best International Feature:  Just so you are up on your Academy Award nomenclature, this category is what used to be termed "Best Foreign Film." Whatever.   One of the nominees is a film that was one of my top 5 favorite movies of the year.   THE WINNER BETTER BE "PARASITE."

Best Score:  As much as I would like the winner to be the legendary Randy Newman for "Marriage Story" or the even more legendary John Williams for another stab at the "Star Wars" them, there was one film that had perfectly creepy music for its subject matter.  THE WINNER IS "JOKER."

Best Song:  The Academy never misses an opportunity to give a lifetime achievement award.   Elton John is nominated for an original tune he wrote for "Rocketman."  Duh!  THE WINNER IS "I'M GONNA LOVE ME AGAIN."

Best Visual Effects:  Or whatever most looks like a video game.   Throwing a bone Marvel's way.  THE WINNER IS "AVENGERS: END GAME."

Best Sound Editing:  Nothing to be confused with Best Sound Mixing.  Who knows what the difference is anyway?  Go with the one that has the most explosions.  THE WINNER IS "1917."

Best Sound Mixing:  Nothing to be confused with Best Sound Editing.  Who knows what the difference is anyway?  Go with the one that has the most explosions.  THE WINNER IS "1917."

Best Costume Design:  When the nominations were announced, this was the category that I had hope would include "Downton Abbey."   Alas alack.   Well, the nominee that comes closest to Downton?   THE WINNER IS "LITTLE WOMEN."

Best Make-Up and Hair Styling:  Again no Downton?  Blimey.  I'd have to give to the film that really made Charlize Theron look exactly like Megyn Kelly.  THE WINNER IS "BOMBSHELL."

Best Film Editing:  I was so impressed by those auto races.  THE WINNER IS "FORD VS. FERRARI."

Best Production Design:  Hands down!  For making Hollywood look like it did in 1969, THE WINNER BETTER BE "ONCE UPON A TIME...IN HOLLYWOOD."

Best Original Screenplay:  It was, in my humble opinion, the most clever idea for a movie in several decades.  THE WINNER BETTER BE "ONCE UPON A TIME...IN HOLLYWOOD."

Best Adapted Screenplay:  Wait, "Little Women" was a book?  Hahahaha. Much was made of the Academy snubbing the very talented Greta Gerwig for the Best Director category.  Here's the consolation prize.  THE WINNER IS "LITTLE WOMEN."

For the rest of your winning picks, come back please on Thursday.

Dinner last night:  Grilled pork schnitzel at the Cheesecake Factory.