And "until further notice" must mean six months because that's what it has been since any of us have set foot in a movie theater. If they ever open, let's hope the seats get a good dusting first.
So, without new movies, I can't do my monthly movie guide. Or can I? Let's see what I had to say when I did the August 2007 Movie Guide...the very first year of this blog. How many of these flickers do you even remember?
Stardust: some magical thing with Clare Danes and Michelle Pfeiffer. The only critic mentioned in the ad is Gene Shalit. Is he still alive? Looks weird.
Rush Hour 3: about as necessary as power steering on a turtle. Has anybody ever seen this annoying Chris Tucker do anything else? Jackie Chan provides the Kung and Tucker does the FU. I'd have to be a hostage of the Taliban to see this movie.
The Simpsons Movie: even though this is proably nothing more than 3 episodes strung together, it is definitely on my list. The writing is always smart and funny. Anything that regularly lampoons Teddy Kennedy is aces with me.
Two Days in Paris: looks like two hours in Hell.
The Bourne Ultimatum: I actually saw this last week. A friend was visiting from Dallas and he had never seen the Cinerama Dome. I saw the first two movies and regarded them pretty much as cinematic frozen pizza. I couldn't remember a single thing I saw ten minutes after the credits stopped rolling. The third, however, is quite enjoyable and does tie up the three films nicely.
Daddy Day Camp: that hilarious mugger, Cuba Gooding, is at it again. No f-ing way for me. Side note---it was directed by the Wonder Years' Fred Savage. Meanwhile, his co-star from the show, Danica McKellar, is busy writing a middle school math book for girls. The only reason I know this is because the book is dedicated to a good friend of mine, who was her math teacher in the 7th grade.
Talk to Me: Don Cheadle's annual Oscar campaign.
Underdog: Paging Wally Cox.
Becoming Jane: another Jane Austen rehash. Only if your Rite Aid is completely out of Ambien.
Hairspray: I did the do and it was a bad hair day for me. Overrated.
Bratz: I have no idea what these are. Could be either teenage girls, sausage, or a brand of beer.
El Cantante: J-Lo and Marc Anthony show their home videos. Should be retitled "Who's Afraid of Immigration?"
Rocket Science: described as a cross between Rocky and Napoleon Dynamite. Actually, I would prefer it if it was a right cross from Rocky that landed on Napoleon Dynamite.
My Best Friend: some French comedy about the bonds of friendship. I saw it. If the theater is air conditioned, it's okay.
Skin Walkers: I don't recognize a single name in the ad. And it's playing at a lot of theaters in South Central LA. Do the math.
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry: I have been told by some gay friends that this movie is incredibly offensive. The fact that it is an Adam Sandler comedy is enough for me.
No Reservations: that chick flick about a romance between two chefs. The type of movie that I can recite most of the dialogue while waiting on line for a ticket.
Ratatouille: I highly recommend it. Makes you realize why it is so important to regularly take out the garbage.
Transformers: a friend of mine saw it and he had to have it explained to him by his four year-old nephew.
Harry Potter Blah Blah Blah: I am very proud that I have not been sucked into this cult.
Arctic Tale: March of the Penguins with Polar Bears. The trailer says it is told by "storyteller" Queen Latifah. Who died and made her Rapunzel?
Dinner last night: Italian muffaletta sandwich.
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