Your Winning Oscar Pool Pick for March 2024

 

PS.  Nobody cares.

Oh, and PPS, you're still not funny, Jimmy Kimmel.

Thanks to a lot of diversity check boxes and a general depressing malaise in Hollywood, the movie biz ain't what it was.   Oh, and pandemics don't help.  In short, people no longer care about the Oscars.

It used to be a big deal.   There were office pools all over the country.  Two good friends and I used to stage an elaborate contest every year.

No more.

But, just in the rare happenstance that you do, here's the winning picks from least to first.  Enjoy your Starbucks coupon for a Frappuccino.   

Best Live Action Short:  The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar.   Because Sugar's not that bad for you.

Best Documentary Short:  The ABCs of Book Banning.   Anti-Florida box checked.

Best Animated Short:  Letter to a Pig.   Anti-Marjorie Taylor Greene box checked.

Best Documentary Feature:   20 Days in Mariupol.  Better than 30 days in Mariupol.

Best International Film:  The Zone of Interest.   What happens when you live next door to your local, friendly concentration camp.

Best Animated Feature:  Spiderman - Across the Spider Verse.   Don't they make one of these every week?

Best Visual Effects:  Godzilla Minus One.  Wouldn't it be fun to see "Godzilla" printed on an Oscar?

Best Sound:  Oppenheimer.   A lot of shit blows up.

Best Song:  From Barbie "What Was I Made For."   I've been asking the same thing about the movie.

Best Score:  They play a lot of music while shit blows up.

Best Production Design:  Barbie.  Playing with doll houses had its benefits.

Best Makeup and Hair Styling:  Maestro.   That nose knows.

Best Film Editing:  Oppenheimer.   Because they edit scenes where they blow up a lot of shit.

Best Costume Design:  Barbie.  You were expecting?

Best Cinematography:  Oppenheimer.  No cameras were destroyed were destroyed in the blowing up of lots of shit.

Best Original Screenplay:   Anatomy of a Fall.   A documentary about assisted living facilities?

Best Adapted Screenplay:  American Fiction.   White people suck box checked.

Best Supporting Actress:  Da'Vine Jay Randolph for the Holdovers.   Fat, snazzy, Black woman box checked.

Best Supporting Actor:  Robert Downey Jr. for Oppenheimer.  Hollywood veteran getting second chance box checked.

Best Actress:  Emma Stone had this sewed up but it's such a miserable movie that they will give it to Lily Gladstone for Killers of the Flower Moon.  Native American box checked.

Best Actor:  It's down to two but I think Paul Giamatti wins for the Holdovers.  Respect Hollywood veteran finally getting honored box checked.

Best Director:  Christopher Nolan for Oppenheimer.  Just give him something so he will finally shut up.

Best Picture:  Oppenheimer.   Blowing up lots of shit works.

Dinner last night:  Salami, cheese, and crackers.