Wednesday with an Asterisk (*)

Today, I am even prouder of Roger Maris.

---Anybody surprised by Mark McGwire's admission of steroid use?

---Anybody??

---Anybody???

---Is that a hand up way in the back???

---Finally, that big dope, who reminds me of the old cartoon character Baby Huey, comes clean.

---For Pete's sake, my father even knew he was on the juice.

---And he's been dead since 1991.

---Gasp! Does this mean Jose Canseco knew what he was talking about?

---That's like hearing that Joe Biden is making sense.

---Big Dumb Ox said the reason he took steroids was to make his body feel better.

---Er, that's why my mother took steroids.

---She didn't hit over five hundred homeruns.

---Although she did have a great on-base percentage.

---The way Big Dumb Ox sobbed in front of Bob Costas, I wondered if he was really that contrite. Or maybe he had just watched "Old Yeller."

---From what I could see, Big Dumb Ox has shrunk a bit. He still had a good two feet to tower over his interviewer, that moron and alleged inventor of baseball Bob Costas.

---Big Dumb Ox claims that his manager and former Italian shoemaker Tony LaRussa didn't know he was taking steroids.

---LaRussa wouldn't have seen him taking the juice if there was a ten inch hypodermic needle sticking out of his ass.

---So, Big Dumb Ox cheated in 1998 and tells us about it in 2010. On that timeline, we should be hearing Clinton tell us what he really did to Monica Lewinsky sometime next fall.

---And where has Big Dumb Ox been since 2001? He says he wanted to start a family.

---But, his oldest son is in his 20s.

---Oh, you mean you wanted to start a family with another wife. I get it.

---I suppose steroids can enhance all parts of your body.

---Big Dumb Ox also claimed that he called Roger Maris' wife to apologize.

---I know she hung up on him like he was a telemarketer selling carpet cleaning.

---Looking at Big Dumb Ox, I noticed a neck that was incredibly shriveled. Like that old broad who threw the jewelry overboard in "Titanic."

---Yeah, right, steroids don't have any side effects.

---Let's talk Rihanna. The former punching bag for Chris Brown is now dating Dodger outfielder Matt Kemp.

---Now, I know that Matt is a pretty nice and easy guy. So, if Rihanna shows up with face bruises now, we know who the real problem is.

---I actually saw her on a British talk show last week. She achieved levels of stupidity that previously have been unreached.

---And then there's Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

---I've thought for some time that Harry is in the early stages of dementia. Which is a perfect reason why he is one of the designated architects of our new health care bill.

---Last year, Harry apparently said Obama was electable because he didn't speak with a Negro dialect unless he wanted to.

---It's been years since I saw that word in print. I almost had to look it up.

---Harry Reid is a complete embarrassment and the state of Nevada should be ashamed that he is their representative.

---But, then again, what do you expect from a state where pole dancing is taught in middle school.

---If somebody that's not a Democrat had made that Negro reference, they'd be unemployed today. But, since he is a Democrat, he simply gets a hall pass and the opportunity to order more paper clips for his office.

---Even Al Sharpton accepted Reid's apology. Somebody get Don Imus on speed dial.

---So now I want to hear those times when Obama did want to speak with a Negro dialect.

---Maybe when he picked the new Supreme Court Justice.

---"Here come da judge!"

---Or when he raced to the Capitol to push through the Cap and Trade Bill.

---"Feets, do your stuff!"

---Hey, I'm just as guilty. I've used the word myself.

--"When the arthritis in my right leg kicks in, boy, does my knee grow!"

---Yeah, I'm groaning right along with you.

---But you smiled. Just a little. I could tell.

---Cleaning out my DVR, I finally caught up with CBS' broadcast of the Kennedy Center Honors. Usually a grand show and one of my highlights every year.

---I had to stop watching it this time.

---Oh, I paid attention to the tributes for Robert DeNiro, Mel Brooks, and Bruce Springsteen. But, the entire show was littered with constant reaction shots of POTUS and FLOTUS.

---I've been watching this for years. Never have I seen such a focus on the President and his Missus. Not with the Reagans, the Bushes, the Clintons, and the Bushes-the Sequel.

---We had to see them laugh. We had to see them bop to the music. I was surprised we didn't follow them during the commercial breaks so we could watch them both take a whizz.

---Stop already!!!

---It's called the Kennedy Center for a reason. And they're not Jack and Jackie.

---Heck, they're not either George and Weezy.

---A 7.0 earthquake destroys Haiti.

---That's probably about $3.46 in property damage.

---The loss of life would have been greater except most of the Haitian population has already relocated to Mount Vernon, New York.

---From the Downside Department of Driving a Hybrid: The motor is so quiet that you can forget to turn off the car.

---How do I know that? Trust me. I do.

Dinner last night: Cuban turkey burger at BJ's.