Wha'cha Talkin' About, Wednesday?

I guess it really will be different strokes for Gary Coleman. In the prison shower.

---Arrested again. And, for me, there is nothing more fun than a celebrity mug shot.

---I'm guessing there's some big and burly convict already licking his chops. And ready to shell Gary like a peanut at a baseball game.

---Todd Bridges was a convict. Dana Plato was a suicidal mess. And now this...

---Just what the hell was Conrad Bain doing to these kids?

---Gary was busted for creating a disturbance.

---And Charlie Sheen is out on bail???

---Well, they say 83 million people watched that Haiti telethon last week.

---I guess I would have made that 83 million plus one. But, I had other important plans.

---Like cleaning my electric razor.

---I'm sorry for all the devastation down at that armpit in the Caribbean, but, once you read all about the corruption in the government, I'm not feeling so bad.

---Both Clinton and Bush tried to give that country funds over the past twenty years. And it got squandered by the ruling families in charge.

---Oh, well, could-a, would-a, should-a. Now Haiti can be proud. They have the world's largest open air mausoleum.

---I'm supposing that most of the survivors will have Mount Vernon, New York addresses by the end of the year.

---To me, the Haitian government and the New Orleans City Council are interchangeable. Two bunches of assholes who sell their citizens down the river.

---So to speak.

---Has we passed the expiration date for feeling bad about Hurricane Katrina? E-mail me please.

---Meanwhile, all the earthquakes down there might simply be Teddy Kennedy rolling over in his grave.

---If the state of Massachusetts, which is the unofficial headquarters for screaming, wild-eyed liberals, can elect a Republican, that should give you a rough idea how the rest of the country is feeling.

---All my kooky pastor, who is as nutty as a leftie can be, could focus on was Scott Brown's nude centerfold.

---If it was a Democrat taking his clothes off in a magazine, she would have said it was an expression of artistry.

---But, frankly, who wanted to see Teddy Kennedy naked?

---Other than some twenty-year-old on the beach at Hyannis Port?

---Or some cute waitress at a Starbucks on the Cape?

---Or that perky intern from Georgetown Law School?

---Just so you know, I've raised my personal terror level to "orange."

---Bin Laden has announced that he was behind the Christmas Day bombing.

---I think I even saw his name stenciled onto the underwear.

---I guess that's how you keep your laundry sorted when you're out in the hills of Afghanistan.

---Who took a bigger hit last week? Obama or Leno?

---Frankly, if they wanted to remove Obama from the White House and move him into the 1130PM time slot on NBC, I'd be fine with that.

---Joe Biden kind of reminds me of Ed McMahon anyway.

---My mother had a better handle on economics than Obama.

---Translation: my mother couldn't balance a checkbook ever.

---Mom was also the class mother when I was in the fifth grade. What significance does that have?

---She didn't need a teleprompter when she talked to the class.

---Who screwed more people in 2009? The White House or Tiger Woods. Please discuss.

---It's official. I never saw a single second of Conan O'Brien hosting the Tonight Show.

---I love all these stand-up comics who are backing Conan and dissing Leno.

---I can remember when Conan first got his show. And the same stand-up comics were bitching because Conan had never once done a stand-up act anywhere.

---It's tough to feel sorry for somebody with a 25 million dollar severence package.

---I wonder if he insisted that NBC pick up his COBRA payments.

Dinner last night: Steak and salad.