Curling Up With Wednesday

Just when you thought there would be a Wednesday where we had nothing to talk about.

---Any idea what's going on with the skaters in these photos? Is that frosting on his arm? Looks like one of those squiggly lines you'd find on a Drake's Cup Cake.

---Excuse me, waiter, I ordered the Olympic skater without lettuce, please.

---This is why I don't watch the Winter Olympics. Well, actually it's one of a hundred reasons why I don't watch the Winter Olympics.

---That, and I refuse to curl. Ever.

---The unbelievable thing about the Olympics here in Los Angeles is that, despite the fact we live in the same time zone as Vancouver, NBC is still showing the friggin' thing here on tape delay.

---Another one of a hundred reasons why I don't watch the Winter Olympics.

---How does Bob get his own sled? Somebody, please e-mail me with the answer.

---From the "Needle in a Haystack" Department: Find me a male Olympic ice figure skater who is not gay.

---Or a Russian female skater who is not plug ugly.

---Perhaps the only women in the world who are safe from Tiger Woods.

---And maybe even then...

---He apologized to us all. He has let us all down.

---Who told Tiger Woods he had to be accountable to me? After all, he didn't fuck any of my relatives.

---Yet.

---He didn't wreck my car. Or damage the tree on my front lawn.

---Yo, Stupid, I don't care what you do. As long as you keep acting the fool so I can write lots of gags about you.

---It's all catnip for this kitty.

---I laugh at all the morons whose children have been disappointed by their "role model."

---So, there is somebody's son out there who strives to be a pro golfer at country clubs that discriminate against his own race? Wow, it's great to have ambitions in life.

---Official press release: Tiger Woods is the latest inductee into the Black Fuck-Up Hall of Fame.

---Sorry, Tiger, we're behind on the paperwork. We're still processing the awards for everybody in Haitian government.

---But, once you're in, you'll love the company around you.

---Al Sharpton, Marion Barry, OJ Simpson, Mayor David Dinkins, Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.

---And that's just the east wing. Our curator will be in touch.

---He's been tied up reviewing the application from some guy named Obama.

---The Republicans have as much chance supporting Urkel's health care plan proposal as they do presiding over a gay wedding.

---To our POTUS, the definition of "bi-partisan" is "my way or the highway."

---All of this shit will go into effect by 2013. Which gives me three years to contract any diseases that I'm going to get in my lifetime.

---Here's the details on the Len Stimulus Plan. I have begun the slow process of finding somebody to renovate the kitchen and the bathroom of my NY abode.

---I went through a contractor/designer search engine and got ten callbacks in the first 15 minutes.

---Either business is really bad or a lot more people read this blog than I thought.

---By the way, whoever gets the gig with me will be honored. And it's one job more than Obummer has created in the past year.

---The American Idol competition started up again last evening with twelve nondescript chicks singing the tunes of some artists I may have heard of.

---After two hours, I was still perplexed. Is this a singing competition interrupted by commercials? Or a commercial competition interrupted by some songs?

---I miss Paula Abdul. Who doesn't want to see a weekly fender bender on the freeway?

---It was Ellen Degeneres' first official night as judge and, at least, she couldn't be biased. They were all girls.

---By the way, has anybody seen her in a dress and heels? Ever????

---Even with the two women on the panel, Randy Jackson still had on the most make-up.

Dinner last night: Pasta with pesto and chicken.