This Date in History: September 1

Put the hose down, kid. It's time to go back to school and learn. And you can start this first history lesson of the semester.

462: POSSIBLE START OF FIRST BYZANTINE INDICTION CYCLE.

Historians can't be more specific than that? The possible start? You've had over 1500 years to get this right.

1532: LADY ANNE BOLEYN IS MADE MARCHIONESS OF PEMBROKE BY HER FIANCE, KING HENRY VIII OF ENGLAND.

This happened while she was still a head of the game.

1715: KING LOUIS XIV OF FRANCE DIES AFTER A REIGN OF 72 YEARS - THE LONGEST OF ANY MAJOR EUROPEAN MONARCH.

There are postal workers in this country who have been around longer.

1772: MISSION SAN LUIS OBISPO DE TOLOSA FOUNDED IN SAN LUIS OBISPO, CALIFORNIA.

Could they have spent at least a little time on getting more creative with a name?

1804: JUNO, ONE OF THE LARGEST MAIN BEST ASTEROIDS, IS DISCOVERED BY GERMAN ASTRONOMER KARL LUDWIG HARDING.

Later to be a pregnant teenager in a movie with the same name.

1836: NARCISSA WHITMAN, ONE OF THE FIRST ENGLISH-SPEAKING WHITE WOMEN TO SETTLE WEST OF THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS, ARRIVES AT WALLA WALLA, WASHINGTON.

Also one of the last.

1864: IN THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, CONFEDERATE GENERAL JOHN BELL HOOD EVACUATES ATLANTA, GEORGIA AFTER A FOUR-MONTH SIEGE BY GENERAL SHERMAN.

Longtime Atlanta Braves manager Bobby Cox was not available for comment.

1870: IN THE FRANCO-PRUSSIAN WAR, THE BATTLE OF SEDAN IS FOUGHT.

Later to be followed by the Battle of Subcompacts.

1878: AFTER BEING RECRUITED BY ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL, EMMA NUTT BECOMES THE WORLD'S FIRST FEMALE TELEPHONE OPERATOR.

The very, very, very first ringy dingy.

1894: MORE THAN 400 PEOPLE DIE IN THE GREAT HINCKLEY FIRE, A FOREST FIRE IN HINCKLEY, MINNESOTA.

In 1981, the town changes its name to avoid confusion with a Presidential assassin.

1897: THE BOSTON SUBWAY OPENS, BECOMING THE FIRST UNDERGROUND RAPID TRANSIT SYSTEM IN NORTH AMERICA.

And shame on all of us who thought this happened in New York City.

1905: ALBERTA AND SASKATCHEWAN JOIN THE CANADIAN CONFEDERATION.

And, just in the National Hockey League, nobody really gives a shit.

1928: AHMET ZOGU DECLARES ALBANIA TO BE A MONARCHY AND PROCLAIMS HIMSELF KING.

Hey, if he wants that dump, let him have it.

1939: LILY TOMLIN IS BORN.

On the same day as the first female telephone operator. Does she even know this? Who's got her cell phone number?

1939: IN A PRELUDE TO WWII, NAZI GERMANY INVADES POLAND.

Meanwhile, in Washington, FDR poured himself another scotch and tuned into Eddie Cantor on the radio.

1950: DR. PHIL MCGRAW IS BORN.

Also marks the birth of quack psychologists.

1951: THE UNITED STATES, AUSTRALIA, AND NEW ZEALAND SIGN A MUTUAL DEFENSE PACT, CALLED THE ANZUS TREATY.

Thank God it was New Zealand and not Norway.

1969: TRAN THIEN KHIEM BECAME PRIME MINISTER OF SOUTH VIETNAM UNDER PRESIDENT NGUYEN VAN THIEU.

Who gives a flip? The Mets were on their streak towards their first World Championship!

1972: IN REYKJAVIK, ICELAND, AMERICAN BOBBY FISCHER BEATS RUSSIAN BORIS SPASSKY AND BECOMES THE WORLD CHESS CHAMPION.

Almost forty years later and I still don't care.

1985: A JOINT AMERICAN-FRENCH EXPEDITION LOCATES THE WRECKAGE OF THE TITANIC.

And we've been stuck with James Cameron ever since.

2006: NELLIE CONNELLY, WIFE OF TEXAS GOVERNOR JOHN CONNELLY, DIES.

And there goes the last survivor of that limo ride. So, Nellie, you can't say that God was very friendly with you on this day.

Dinner last night: Grilled bratwurst.