1511: MIRANDOLA SURRENDERS TO THE FRENCH.
How freakin' weak is Mirandola if they can't beat the scummy French.
1764: JOHN WILKES IS EXPELLED FROM THE BRITISH HOUSE OF COMMONS FOR SEDITIOUS LIBEL.
Those two names don't have a great track record when it comes to history.
1806: THE UNITED KINGDOM OCCUPIES THE CAPE OF GOOD HOPE.
I'm guessing Mirandola couldn't do that either.
1807: CONFEEDERATE GENERAL ROBERT E. LEE IS BORN.
He wasn't just a steamboat.
1840: CAPTAIN CHARLES WILKES CIRCUMNAVIGATES ANTARCTICA, CLAIMING WHAT BECAME KNOWN AS WILKES LAND FOR THE UNITED STATES.
Another Wilkes mistake. What do we need Antarctica for? Don't we already have enough snow in Minnesota?
1853: GUISEPPE VERDI'S OPERA "IL TROVATORE" PREMIERES IN ROME.
Also coincides with the invention of the nap.
1883: THE FIRST ELECTRIC LIGHTING SYSTEM EMPLOYING OVERHEAD WIRES, BUILT BY THOMAS EDISON, BEGINS SERVICE IN ROSELLE, NEW JERSEY.
As if there's anything to see in Roselle, New Jersey.
1904: MISSISSIPPI GOVERNOR JAMES VARDAMAN DECLARED THAT "AN EDUCATED BLACK MAN IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN A CRIMINAL."
I'll leave it up to you all. Please come up with your own joke.
1915: GEORGES CLAUDE PATENTS THE NERO DISCHARGE TUBE FOR USE IN ADVERTISING.
Anybody who's been in horribly garish Times Square lately now wishes this guy had been shot.
1920: THE UNITED STATES SENATE VOTES AGAINST JOINING THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS.
Because they wanted to continue having a designated senator. That joke may take a while for you.
1923: ACTRESS JEAN STAPLETON IS BORN.
Stifle!
1930: ACTRESS TIPPI HEDREN IS BORN.
People tell me she is a real bitch, so I guess the birds had the right idea.
1935: COOPERS INC. SELLS THE WORLD'S FIRST BRIEFS.
You just got the League of Nations gag, didn't you?
1937: HOWARD HUGHES SETS A NEW AIR RECORD BY FLYING FROM LOS ANGELES TO NEW YORK IN 7 HOURS, 28 MINUTES, 25 SECONDS.
These days, you can spend that long just trying to get past TSA.
1942: DURING WORLD WAR II, JAPAN INVADES BURMA.
A close shave.
1944: ACTRESS SHELLEY FABARES IS BORN.
Her aunt is Nanette Fabray and I've always wondered just who was the misspeller in the family.
1946: DOLLY PARTON IS BORN.
Thank God her mother didn't have to push her down the birth canal fully developed.
1953: 68 PERCENT OF ALL TVS IN THE US ARE TUNED TO WATCH LUCY RICARDO GIVE BIRTH ON "I LOVE LUCY."
And her real son, Desi Arnaz Jr., was born on the same day. But he wasn't Little Ricky on the show. You'd be surprised how many idiots out there don't know that. But, then again, how long did it take you to get the League of Nations joke?
1977: FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, SNOW FALLS IN MIAMI.
Real snow, not the stuff in the plastic bags that drug runners import into Florida all the time.
1983: NAZI WAR CRIMINAL KLAUS BARBIE IS ARRESTED IN BOLIVIA.
Not to be confused with Klaus Ken or Klaus Skipper.
2000: ACTRESS HEDY LAMARR DIES.
Hedley. By the way, she invented the cell phone? Did you know that? You folks out there who thought Desi Arnaz Jr. was Little Ricky on television.
2006: ACTOR ANTHONY FRANCIOSA DIES.
Just two weeks after I gave him wine during Holy Communion at Christmas Eve service. Gee, Tony, I'm sorry...
2008: ACTRESS SUZANNE PLESHETTE DIES.
Tobacco companies across America dimmed their lights for a minute in tribute.
Dinner last night: Spaghetti and meatballs.
2 comments:
please s'plain " Also coincides with the invitiation of the nap".
Will need a consult with George W here. j/k. history was never so fun in school.
15thavebud
Typo duly noted and corrected. Thank you.
The Management
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