1477: IN THE BATTLE OF NANCY, CHARLES THE BOLD IS KILLED AND BURGUNDY BECOMES PART OF FRANCE.
I've got three shots for a laugh here. Charles the Bold now Charles the Dead. Burgundy becomes part of France and Merlot becomes part of Sweden. The Battle of Nancy? Reagan? Sinatra? Seaver? Any of this get a chuckle out of you? If not, well, the year is still early.
1527: FELIX MANZ, A LEADER OF THE ANABAPTIST CONGREGATION IN ZURICH, IS EXECUTED BY DROWNING.
Who knew that the Swiss invented waterboarding?
1757: LOUIS XV OF FRANCE SURVIVES AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT BY ROBERT-FRANCOIS DAMIENS, THE LAST PERSON TO BE EXECUTED IN FRANCE BY DRAWING AND QUARTERING, THE TRADITIONAL AND GRUESOME FORM OF CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.
Hmmm. I'm intrigued. How do we get the new House of Representatives to get this passed?
1759: GEORGE WASHINGTON MARRIES MARTHA CUSTIS.
The first First Lady.
1781: DURING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTIONARY WAR, RICHMOND, VIRGINIA IS BURNED BY BRITISH NAVAL FORCES LED BY BENEDICT ARNOLD.
Other than McLean Stevenson leaving M*A*S*H*, this might have been the dumbest career move ever.
1846: THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES VOTES TO STOP SHARING THE OREGON TERRITORY WITH THE UNITED KINGDOM.
Violating a rule my mother always enforced with my toys.
1854: THE SAN FRANCISCO STEAMER SINKS, KILLING 300 PEOPLE.
But giving us enough broccoli side dishes to last several years.
1895: FRENCH ARMY OFFICE ALFRED DREYFUS IS STRIPPED OF HIS RANK AND SENTENCED TO LIFE IMPRISONMENT ON DEVIL'S ISLAND.
When prisons were prisons.
1896: AN AUSTRIAN NEWSPAPER REPORTS THAT WILHELM ROENTGEN HAS DISCOVERED A TYPE OF RADIATION LATER KNOWN AS X-RAYS.
So, indirectly, Roentgen also discovered the inflated medical bill.
1904: ASTROLOGER JEANE DIXON IS BORN.
I bet you didn't see that coming.
1911: KAPPA ALPHA PSI, THE WORLD'S SECOND OLDEST AND LARGEST BLACK FRATERNITY IS FOUNDED AT INDIANA UNIVERSITY.
By second largest, that meant it had five members.
1914: GEORGE "SUPERMAN" REEVES IS BORN.
The first guy to ever look really good in leotards.
1914: THE FORD MOTOR COMPANY ANNOUNCES AN EIGHT-HOUR WORKDAY AND A MINIMUM WAGE OF $5 FOR A DAY'S LABOR.
Isn't it now more that $5 for an hour?
1917: ACTRESS JANE WYMAN IS BORN.
I once heard her on a speaker phone. In case you were wondering...
1918: THE FREE COMMITTEE FOR A GERMAN WORKERS PEACE, WHICH WOULD BECOME THE NAZI PARTY, IS FOUNDED.
And so it schtarts.
1933: CONSTRUCTION OF THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE BEGINS IN SAN FRANCISCO BAY.
So just where did people commit suicide in SF before that??
1939: AMELIA EARHART IS DECLARED DEAD.
Or so we're told...
1940: FM RADIO IS DEMONSTRATED TO THE FCC FOR THE FIRST TIME.
And naturally there was nothing good on.
1943: AMERICAN EDUCATOR GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER DIES.
The original Mr. Peanut is shelled.
1948: ACTOR TED LANGE IS BORN.
The Loooooovvvvvve Boat...
1957: PRESIDENT DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER ANNOUNCES THE ESTABLISHMENT OF WHAT WILL LATER BE CALLED THE EISENHOWER DOCTRINE.
No clue, but I bet it involves at least three rounds of golf every week.
1963: BASEBALL PLAYER ROGERS HORNSBY DIES.
He coached for the New York Mets in 1962 and they were listed as the probable cause of death.
1972: US PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON ORDERS THE DEVELOPMENT OF A SPACE SHUTTLE PROGRAM.
If only he had simply stopped there...
1993: THE STATE OF WASHINGTON EXECUTES WESTLEY ALLAN DODD BY HANGING. THIS IS THE LAST LEGAL HANGING IN AMERICA.
Anybody got info on the last illegal hanging in America?
1996: HAMAS BOMBMAKER YAHYA AYYASH IS KILLED BY AN ISRAELI-PLANTED BOOBY-TRAPPED CELL PHONE.
Ha ha. What goes around....
1998: SONNY BONO IS KILLED IN A SKIING ACCIDENT.
Taking "tree hugging" to the worst possible extreme.
2004: BASEBALL PLAYER TUG MCGRAW DIES.
You gotta bereave!
2007: MOMOFUKU ANDO, THE INVENTOR OF RAMEN NOODLES, DIES.
Black arm bands are worn by hungry college students all over America. Meanwhile, I salute him for not even considering a name change.
Dinner last night: Chipotle burger at Pink Taco.
1 comment:
Appreciate the drawn-and-quartered reference.
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