If I Tweeted

I don't, of course.  Well, at least not yet.  But, if I did, this might be a sample of my tweets the past month.

#LenSpeaks The Japanese are saying the earthquake is the worst thing to happen to them since WWII.  Er, I think they brought that one on themselves.

#LenSpeaks  With all those amateur tsunami videos, you can obviously still depend on the Japanese to have cameras ready at all times.

#LenSpeaks  If you're Japanese and have Parkinson's, you probably don't even know there was an earthquake.

#LenSpeaks  Japan is worried about bad stuff in the air.  Have they ever been around Larry King after lunch?

#LenSpeaks  I guess it's inevitable.  We're all going to wind up with beachfront property sooner or later.

#LenSpeaks  Gilbert Gottfried got fired by AFLAC for making jokes about Japan.  Boy, am I glad I'm not the voice of a duck.

#LenSpeaks  I'm offended by people who are frequently offended.

#LenSpeaks  The driver in the car next to me is on the phone, texting, and has a dog on his lap.  A car wreck coming soon to your street corner.

#LenSpeaks  A simple solution for America.  Charlie Sheen going on a speaking tour.  Anybody who willfully buys a ticket get deported to Paraguay ASAP.

#LenSpeaks   Way too much product in my hair today.

#LenSpeaks   For Lent, I am going to give up going to church.

#LenSpeaks   I don't know about you, but I'm really comfortable knowing my President has a great lay-up shot.

#LenSpeaks   If humans tweet, how do birds communicate with each other?

#LenSpeaks   Which is correct?  Do you flesh out or flush out an idea?  Could be both ways.

#LenSpeaks   For instance, the Dodgers' decision to sign Andruw Jones was an idea that needed to be flushed.

#LenSpeaks   When you get off a crosscountry flight, how come the messiest area is in first class?

#LenSpeaks    White House confusion.  The President has picked Duke to play Libya in the NCAA Championship.

#LenSpeaks    Wouldn't downing a spoonful of sugar make you sick enough to take even more medicine?

#LenSpeaks    Is it always daytime in Heaven?  Is it hot or cold or a perfect 72 degrees?  And, how do we know that 72 degrees is perfect in the afterlife?

#LenSpeaks    If Sarah Palin can run for President, why didn't anybody vote for Gracie Allen when she ran in 1940?

#LenSpeaks    The worst sound in the world is anybody trying to whistle a tune.  It never sounds right.  Please stop!

Dinner last night:  Pork fried rice.