37: CALIGULA BECOMES ROMAN EMPEROR AFTER THE DEATH OF HIS GREAT UNCLE, TIBERIUS.
The very first sex-starved politician. I wonder how many college interns he had.
1190: MASSACRE OF JEWS AT CLIFFORD'S TOWER, YORK.
Geez, they never get a break.
1521: FERDINAND MAGELLAN REACHES THE PHILIPPINES.
"I came this far for this??"
1621: SAMOSET, A MOHEGAN, VISITS THE SETTLERS OF PLYMOUTH COLONY, AND GREETS THEM, "WELCOME, ENGLISHMEN! MY NAME IS SAMOSET."
Big Chief Master-of-the-Obvious.
1660: THE LONG PARLIAMENT DISBANDS.
They came up short.
1751: PRESIDENT JAMES MADISON IS BORN.
So how come we don't get March 16th off?
1802: THE UNITED STATES MILITARY ACADEMY AT WEST POINT IS FOUNDED.
Previously, the folks at Navy were forced to play with themselves during the big annual football game.
1865: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, THE BATTLE OF AVERASBOROUGH BEGINS AS CONFEDERATE FORCES SUFFER IRREPLACEABLE CASUALTIES IN THE FINAL MONTHS OF THE WAR.
They had about one month left before their sorry asses surrendered.
1884: SILENT ACTOR HARRISON FORD IS BORN.
Gee, Indiana Jones is really, really, really old. Yes, I know it's not the same one. This is what we call "humor."
1906: COMIC HENNY YOUNGMAN IS BORN.
"Just came back from a pleasure trip. Took my mother-in-law to the airport."
1912: PAT NIXON IS BORN.
"Went to the doctor and told him that it hurts when I do this. He said don't do this." Okay, I had nothing to say about Pat Nixon, but I did have another Henny Youngman joke.
1912: LAWRENCE OATES, AN ILL MEMBER OF SCOTT'S SOUTH POLE EXPEDITION, LEAVES THE TENT SAYING, "I AM JUST GOING OUTSIDE AND MAY BE SOME TIME."
The earliest recorded smoke break.
1926: ROBERT GODDARD LAUNCHES THE FIRST LIQUID-FUELED ROCKET AT AUBURN, MASSACHUSETTS.
"My wife was running after the garbage truck and yelled 'Am I too late for the garbage.' The guy says, 'No, hop in.'" Okay, I'm done now.
1926: COMEDIAN JERRY LEWIS IS BORN.
Lucky us.
1939: THE MARRIAGE OF PRINCESS FAWZIA OF EGYPT TO SHAH MOHAMMAD REZA PAHLAVI OF IRAN.
The bride and groom are registered at Bed, Bath, and Bullets.
1942: THE FIRST V-2 ROCKET TEST LAUNCH. IT EXPLODES AT LIFT-OFF.
Somebody got fired over this.
1945: NINETY PERCENT OF WURZBURG, GERMANY IS DESTROYED IN ONLY 20 MINUTES BY BRITISH BOMBERS.
So what was Wurzburg, Germany? Two city blocks long?
1949: ACTOR ERIK ESTRADA IS BORN.
Ponch!!!!
1952: IN CILAOS, REUNION, 74 INCHES OF RAIN FALLS IN ONE DAY, SETTING A NEW WORLD RECORD.
Clearly not the place to go for spring break that year.
1968: DURING THE VIETNAM WAR, THE MY LAI MASSACRE OCCURS. BETWEEN 350 TO 500 VIETNAMESE VILLAGERS ARE KILLED BY AMERICAN TROOPS.
And somebody got fired over this.
1971: PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE THOMAS E. DEWEY DIES.
Headline on the New York Times that day: "Dewey Lives."
1978: FORMER ITALIAN PRIME MINISTER ALDO MORO IS KIDNAPPED AND LATER KILLED BY HIS CAPTORS.
No moro.
1983: TV PERSONALITY ARTHUR GODFREY DIES.
Party at Julius La Rosa's home: 6PM. Bring some Rheingold.
1988: DURING THE IRAN-CONTRA AFFAIR, COLONEL OLIVER NORTH AND VICE ADMIRAL JOHN POINDEXTER ARE INDICTED ON CHARGES OF CONSPIRACY TO DEFRAUD THE UNITED STATES.
Somebody really, really got fired over this.
Dinner last night: Salisbury steak at the Cheesecake Factory.
Tomorrow from NYC!!!!
1 comment:
Henny Youngman had his phone number listed in the Manhattan phone book (remember those?). You could call him and book him for your party. He'd play apartments!
I once stood near him in Schubert Alley. Quite tall.
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